Zahir almost crushed her in his arms. 'Is that the impression I'm giving you? That it was somehow your fault that some filthy pervert abused your trust? That's not how I feel. I'm furious the bastard got away with it, furious your mother wouldn't listen to you, furious I wasn't there to prevent it happening in the first place!' he spelt out in a savage undertone.
'You're angry.'
'But not with you, with the people who have hurt you and let you down, even though I'm one of their number,' he muttered, his breathing fracturing as he scooped her up and brought her carefully down on the bed with him, holding her close to every line of his long, lean physique. 'Facing the fact that you'd been abused must have been very difficult for you.'
'Apparently it's quite common for children to suppress memories of that kind of assault,' Saffy whispered unevenly, reassured by the solid thump of his heart against her breast and the reality that he was hugging her without demonstrating any symptoms of revulsion towards her. 'I felt horrible but, on one level, it was a relief to find out what had made me the way I was. I knew I'd never be able to have another relationship until I could overcome my problems.'
'I wish I'd known. What treatment did you have?'
'I had loads of supportive counselling and then a physical intervention,' Saffy explained hesitantly. 'I had muscle relaxants injected to prevent the contractions and a dilator was inserted while I was still unconscious. For a long time I slept with it inserted overnight...' As Zahir looked down at her, her face was burning. 'I had to learn to accept my own body and to touch myself. I'd always avoided that without ever wondering why. I assumed I was just very fastidious, I didn't know I suffered from an actual phobia until we got married and it all went wrong. But after I had completed the treatment I did hope to find a lover once I'd worked through all the recovery steps.'
'And why didn't you do that?' Zahir demanded, stunning dark golden eyes pinned to her. 'I shouldn't have thought that would have been a challenge.'
'You'd be surprised. I not only wanted a man who attracted me, but also one whom I cared something about. Having waited so long and gone through so much to find the answer to my problems, I didn't want just anyone!' Saffy explained with spirit. 'Unfortunately the right guy didn't appear. To most of the men I met, I would only have been a trophy. I wanted more than that from a man. I believed I deserved more than that.'
His lush black lashes semi-screened his glittering scrutiny, colour lying in a hard line along his fabulous cheekbones. 'Then how on earth did you contrive to settle for me again?'
Saffy stiffened. 'I was still very attracted to you...don't know why,' she dared to pronounce, watching his amazing eyes smoulder at that challenge into glowing golden flames. 'I told myself that being with you didn't mean anything to me emotionally and that I was simply using you to get rid of my virginity.'
Zahir nodded very slowly and then bent his head to steal a kiss that made her head spin, and her fingers clutched frantic handfuls of his luxuriant black hair. The pressure of his mouth combined with the penetration of his tongue was an intoxicating thrill, so that when he lifted his head again, separating them, she frowned.
'I told myself a lot of lies that night in the tent as well. I couldn't admit how I still felt about you,' he confided with a hard twist of his mouth. 'In fact in the time we were divorced I had grown unreasonably and unjustly bitter.'
'Bitter?' she queried.
'Bitter that I'd loved and lost you and that you appeared to be having a hell of a good time without me. Even worse, I couldn't forget you,' he confessed harshly. 'There you were in my sister's magazines, which she was always leaving lying around, seemingly enjoying a party lifestyle with various different men. I was angry and jealous... There, I have said it at last! I wanted you back from the moment I lost you and I never changed towards you. I loved you five years ago and I love you even more now...'
'You...do?' Saffy was enchanted by that admission and the ferocious fervent force with which he spoke and studied her.
'I love you and I always will.' Zahir groaned because the wife he adored was not a patient woman and she was stroking her hand down his taut, powerful thigh with rousing intent.
'I love you too... I didn't stop loving you either,' Saffy confided. 'But I was too proud to admit that. At first, I wanted you to believe I'd had other lovers.'
'It wouldn't have mattered if you had had. I would still love you. I've grown up too,' Zahir declared. 'Circumstances tore us apart.'
'But you brought us back together again.' Saffy scored a fingernail along the rippling muscle of one thigh, loving his instant response to her provocation. 'You kidnapped me.'
'I also asked you to be my mistress. I'm ashamed of that,' he said bluntly. 'But I wanted you any way I could get you... I couldn't face losing you again but my behaviour was inexcusable.'
Saffy stared down at him and suddenly grinned, unable to hide her amusement. 'But that behaviour was very much you. You can't fight what you are inside: direct, bold, passionate. I couldn't believe you still wanted me that much after our disastrous year together.'
'I honestly did believe that it was I who had failed you in the bedroom,' Zahir told her tautly. 'I assumed my clumsiness and ignorance had scared you, that I'd hurt you, given you a fear of intimacy.'
'No...no, it wouldn't have mattered who I was with, it would have been the same, but another man might not have had your patience,' she argued, her eyes not leaving his for a second as, drawn like a moth to a flame, she slowly lowered her mouth to his. 'You were very kind and understanding when you must have been hugely sexually frustrated.'
It was Zahir's turn to smile. 'No, you took care of me in other ways and I had few complaints.'
Saffy tensed. 'Doesn't knowing about the...er...abuse turn you off?'
'No, it makes you even more worthy of being the love of my life. I know how strong you must be to have got through that and dealt with it.' With gentle fingers he smoothed a stray strand of golden hair from her brow. 'I know how hard I had to work coming to terms with what was done to me while I was imprisoned by my father...'
'I still can't stand the thought of that,' she admitted chokily, her eyes filming over.
'Omar and I were raised like spoilt little rich kids with titles. Being powerless and a victim taught me a lot that I needed to learn for the benefit of others,' Zahir delivered wryly, rolling over to slide a long, hard thigh between hers and nudge her knees apart. 'I want to make love to you...I want to know that you're mine forever.'
Loving the weight of him against her, Saffy gave him a teasing smile. 'I hope you do appreciate that you will be stuck with me for ever.'
'I was terrified that that might not be the case,' Zahir sliced in, claiming a hungry driving kiss that left her breathless. 'Afraid that you were keeping your options open and planning to ask me for a divorce some day.'
'As long as you can kiss me like that, you're pretty safe,' Saffy teased, watching heat flare in his gaze.
He made love to her with all the scorching passion of his temperament and when she finally subsided in the strong circle of his arms, alight with happiness and the glorious aftermath of incredible physical pleasure, she snuggled close to him. 'I'm not going anywhere away from you ever again,' she swore vehemently.
Zahir grinned, splayed long fingers over her still-flat tummy and gently stroked it. 'So, you'll sleep in a tent with me next time I ask?'
'As long as it has electric and hot and cold running water,' Saffy specified. 'You're really happy about the baby, aren't you?'
A slashing smile scythed across his lean bronzed features. 'Of course I'm excited about the baby, the next generation. We'll be a family as I always dreamt. I still remember the first time I saw you in that store,' he confided huskily. 'And people don't believe in love at first sight.'
'I do...' Lacing her fingers into his thick, tousled black hair, Saffy looked up into his gorgeous eyes with a heart beating like a drum. 'And after what we've been through together and apart, I also believe that a love like that can last for ever...'