“Yes thank you. And you?”
She nodded, hoping he wouldn’t notice the fact that rather than gaining weight during her pregnancy, she’d remained the same with the constant sickness and her face had become thinner. “Yes, I’m well.”
“Wearing Qawaranian robes I see. You must have acquired a taste for them.”
“They are comfortable.”
“You feel free in them I take it.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“And freedom is, of course, everything to you. More than your husband, more than your child—”
“Don’t come in here and start arguing with me.”
“I’m merely describing a truth. It is a truth isn’t it?”
It had been, but was no longer. She looked into his eyes but refused to answer. That he should come to her, after months of silence and pick an argument, infuriated her.
“Anna. Your life—it is as you wanted it to be? Your freedom?”
She looked into his eyes. His voice had become quiet, the brief flare of anger was gone. But she’d wished it remained because without it there was only a stark politeness that meant nothing. There was no sarcasm, no bitterness in his words. He just wanted to know; a polite enquiry.
“Yes. I’ve always wanted to be free, to be independent, and I am.”
He sat back in his chair. She didn’t like the way he nodded thoughtfully. She felt her hopes rise. Perhaps he really had come to see her.
“And you?”
He nodded once. “Yes. Everything is going to plan.”
“Of course it is.”
A heavy silence fell between them. She had to break it, rather than endure his intense gaze.
“So you return tomorrow?”
“It depends.”
“Upon what? Not Matta, I hope.”
He looked up from beneath lowered lids at her. “No. I will come for him when I am ready. I am not waiting for him.”
“Good.” Good wasn’t adequate word enough to convey the utter relief she felt.
“No. I am waiting upon a woman.”
Anna felt sick to her stomach; any newly-born hope that he was here for her was blown away. So there was a woman. “I see.”
There was a knock at the door and the housekeeper entered laden with coffee and cake. They both sat in silence while she laid them out. Anna poured a small cup of coffee for Zahir, concentrating on calming her shaking hands, and then one for herself that she didn’t touch. Only when the door closed behind the housekeeper did she speak.
“And this woman is proving reluctant?”
“A little. But I know her well and am sure she will have none of the problems you had when first moving to Qawaran.”
“Well, that’s good for her. And good for you then.”
“Yes. But she would benefit by talking to you about it.”
“If you need my help then perhaps you are losing your touch.”
“No.” He leant forward. “I can assure you she is very receptive to my touch.”
Anna willed herself not to feel anything at his words but failed. She drew a deep, unsteady breath to at least stop herself from shaking. Focus, just focus on the words. “Then what? She doesn’t want to live in Qawaran?”
“She’s unsure at the moment. She needs time to make up her mind.” He sat back and sipped his coffee, his eyes never leaving hers. “Perhaps you could speak to her, tell her about the place?”
Pain shot through her limbs from her heart. It was for real. Another woman would step into the life that had been hers and that she’d never cherished as much as she should have done. It was only these past months when she’d gained all that she’d ever said she wanted, that she realized what she’d lost, what she’d never valued, what it was that she really had been wanting all along. But there was no chance of that now.
“What could I tell her that you could not?”
“I think you are the only person she would listen to.”
“I’m surprised. I would have thought I’d be the last person.”
“No. You are the only person who has experienced what she will experience. You liked it well enough in Qawaran didn’t you?”
She nodded.
“Then you could tell her what you think of the palace as a place to live. What would you tell her?”
She couldn’t meet his gaze. It seemed to pierce her through to her very soul. She shifted in her seat. “It’s a very satisfactory place.”
“Satisfactory? That wouldn’t tell her much. She would want to know what it was like.”
Anna closed her eyes as she remembered the soaring walls, the light filtering through the ancient corridors, the view that went on forever, the everlasting spring of water that gave life and healing.