“Are you coming to dinner then?”
Anna looked up from the sketch book she’d been doodling in, surprised at Matta’s question.
Matta lay on his stomach on the floor coloring in. He didn’t stop the heavy pressure of his pencil on the paper shifting jaggedly up and down, to speak to her. He seemed to be able to focus better on a conversation if he was busy with something else at the same time. Anna wished she had that ability. At the moment all she could do was to lie stretched out on a couch, a fan strategically placed beside her trying to keep at bay the heat, sickness and exhaustion.
“No, I don’t think so, darling, I’m feeling tired.”
“Muma Yemena didn’t think you would be.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because of our guests.” Matta suddenly stopped working on his picture and flicked her a deep, yet concerned look. “Because of the lady who is staying here.”
She felt a chill run in her veins. “Ab Zahir said it was business.”
“People say that Ab Zahir needs a new lady as you’re in Paris all the time.”
Anna could hardly speak but she had to, to make sure Matta understood. She rose and put her aching arms around him, holding back the stinging tears that she could feel threaten. “You mustn’t listen to what people say. It’s just gossip. And whatever Ab Zahir decides to do, don’t worry. He and I love you and will always love you. Nothing he does will ever make any difference to that.”
“Mom, it’s not just me; I’m worried about you.”
She could hardly breathe with love and grief. “But you mustn’t worry about me.”
“And I do worry about me too. You used to love Ab Zahir like you love me. And now you don’t. Perhaps you might not love me any more soon if I’m naughty?”
“I will always love you. And I will always love him.”
“For real? How much do you love Ab Zahir?”
It was killing her telling her young son these things but she had no alternative but to reveal to him her deepest feelings if she were to reassure him.
“You remember that story I used to read to you about the hare that loved his baby over the moon and back?”
He was silent for a moment and Anna watched with an aching heart as he riffled through his selection of coloring pencils and selected one, his brow contracting with concentration, whether on her words or his drawing, she didn’t know. “I’ve never seen a hare.”
“Well, you know when you lose sight of the falcon and you think he’s gone out beyond where you can understand? You think he’s lost but he’s not?”
“Yeh.”
“Well I love your Ab Zahir beyond where I can see, beyond what I know.”
“Way beyond a falcon can fly? Wow. That’s a long way.”
“Yes. I suppose it is.” Satisfied with the answer Matta immediately continued where he left off, coloring in an outline of a falcon. Matta’s tongue peeped out from between lips pursed in concentration. Her heart swelled. She loved everything little thing about Matta. And she missed him desperately when she was gone. But there was nothing she could do about that. This was his world, not hers any more. But he would be returning to Paris soon. He would have two worlds. The best of two worlds, she reminded herself.
“Do you like it mom?” He held up the half-completed picture where the initial hard-pressed lines of careful color had given way to broad, swift strokes that went beyond the outline of the bird. It was an illustration of impatience. That was something he’d inherited from her.
“The colors are exactly right and you’ve caught the energy of the bird with those swift strokes.”
He looked at it critically. “Ab Zahir said I need to keep within the lines. But it’s hard.”
“Yes, it’s hard all right.” And trust Zahir. Matta was already fidgeting, wanting to get on to the next thing, watching his friends playing with a ball out in the courtyard.
“Can I go, mom?”
“Wait, one moment.” She caught hold of him to keep him from wriggling away. “Remember tomorrow I will go and you will follow me in a few weeks. But you will see your friends at the end of term. Not long. And you will make lots of new friends in Paris. And your other cousins will be there.”
“Yeh.”
“And we have a few days before school starts. How about another trip to Disneyworld?”
“Cool. Can I bring some friends?”
“Of course you can. Just clear it with Ab Zahir first.”
A blur of hugging and kissing and then he was gone in a haze of dust. She watched the piece of coloring drift down onto the marble floor.