I wonder if this is true, not because my mom has ever really lied to me but because it’s just so hard for me to imagine. I can see my dad thinking I’d grow up to be kind or smart; that makes sense. But I’ve never thought of myself as a force to be reckoned with. Maybe I should start thinking of myself that way; maybe I deserve to.
“I kind of am, aren’t I? Don’t mess with me, world. I’m out to get mine.”
“That’s right, honey. That you are.”
As I tell my mom I love her and hang up the phone, I feel proud of myself, smug even.
I have no idea that in less than a week, Evelyn Hugo will finish her story, and I’ll find out what this has all been about, and I will hate her so much that I’ll be truly afraid I might kill her.
Brilliant, Kindhearted, Tortured Harry Cameron
I WAS NOMINATED FOR BEST Actress for Carolina Sunset.
The only problem was that Celia was nominated that year, too.
I showed up on the red carpet with Harry. We were engaged. He’d given me a diamond and emerald ring. It stood out against the black beaded dress I wore that night. Two slits on either side of the skirt went up to my mid-thigh. I loved that dress.
And so did everyone else. I’ve noticed that when people do retrospectives of my career, photos of me in that dress always make it in somehow. I made sure it would be included in the auction. I think it could raise a lot of money.
It makes me happy that people love that dress as much as I do. I lost an Oscar, but it ended up being one of the greatest nights of my life.
Celia arrived just before the show began. She was wearing a pale blue strapless gown with a sweetheart neckline. The color of her hair against the dress was striking. When my eyes set on her, for the first time in nearly five years, I found myself breathless.
I’d gone to see every single one of Celia’s movies, even though I was loath to admit it. So I had seen her.
But no medium can capture what it is to be in someone’s presence, certainly not someone like her. Someone who makes you feel important simply because she’s choosing to look at you.
There was something stately about her, at the age of twenty-eight. She was mature and dignified. She looked like the kind of person who knew exactly who she was.
She stepped forward and took John Braverman’s arm. In a tux that seemed to strain at his broad shoulders, John looked as all-American as a husk of corn. They were a gorgeous couple. No matter how false it all was.
“Ev, you’re staring,” Harry said as he pushed me into the theater.
“Sorry,” I said. “Thank you.”
As we took our seats, we smiled and waved to everyone seated around us. Joy and Rex were a few rows behind us, and I waved politely, knowing people were watching, knowing that if I ran up and hugged them, people might be confused.
When we sat down, Harry said, “If you win, will you talk to her?”
I laughed. “And gloat?”
“No, but you’d have the upper hand that you seem to so desperately want.”
“She left me.”
“You slept with someone.”
“For her.”
Harry frowned at me as if I was missing the point.
“Fine, if I win, I’ll talk to her.”
“Thank you.”
“Why are you thanking me?”
“Because I want you to be happy, and it appears I have to reward you for doing things in your own favor.”
“Well, if she wins, I’m not saying a single word to her.”
“If she wins,” Harry said delicately, “which is a big if, and she comes and talks to you, I will hold you down and force you to listen and speak back.”
I couldn’t look directly at him. I was feeling defensive.
“It’s a moot point anyway,” I said. “Everyone knows they’re going to give it to Ruby, because they feel bad she didn’t get it last year for The Dangerous Flight.”
“They might not,” Harry said.
“Yeah, yeah,” I told him. “And I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.”
But when the lights dimmed and the host came out, I was not thinking that my chances were slim. I was just delusional enough to think the Academy might finally give me a goddamn Oscar.
When they called out the nominees for Best Actress, I scanned the audience for Celia. I spotted her the very same moment she spotted me. We locked eyes. And then the presenter didn’t say “Evelyn” or “Celia.” He said “Ruby.”
When my heart sank into my chest, aching and heavy, I was mad at myself for believing I had a chance. And then I wondered if Celia was OK.
Harry held my hand and squeezed it. I hoped John was squeezing Celia’s. I excused myself to the bathroom.