Maybe I never will.
Maybe I’ll put it in Evelyn’s biography, or perhaps I’ll tell Evelyn’s side of it without ever revealing who was sitting in the passenger’s seat of that car.
Maybe I’ll leave that part out completely. I think I’d be willing to lie about Evelyn’s life to protect my mother. I think I’d be willing to omit the truth from public knowledge in the interest of the happiness and sanity of a person I love dearly.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just know that I will be guided by what I believe to be best for my mother. And if it comes at the expense of honesty, if it takes a small chunk out of my integrity, I’m OK with that. Perfectly, stunningly OK.
“I think I was just very fortunate to find a companion like your father,” my mom says. “To find that kind of soul mate.”
When you dig just the tiniest bit beneath the surface, everyone’s love life is original and interesting and nuanced and defies any easy definition.
And maybe one day I’ll find someone I love the way Evelyn loved Celia. Or maybe I might just find someone I love the way my parents loved each other. Knowing to look for it, knowing there are all different types of great loves out there, is enough for me for now.
There’s still much I don’t know about my father. Maybe he was gay. Maybe he saw himself as straight but in love with one man. Maybe he was bisexual. Or a host of other words. But it really doesn’t matter, that’s the thing.
He loved me.
And he loved my mom.
And nothing I could learn about him now changes that. Any of it.
The driver drops us off in front of my stoop, and I grab my mother’s bag. The two of us head inside.
My mom offers to make me her famous corn chowder for dinner but, seeing that I have almost nothing in the refrigerator, agrees that ordering pizza might be best.
When the food comes, she asks if I want to watch an Evelyn Hugo movie, and I almost laugh before realizing she’s serious.
“I’ve had the itch to watch All for Us ever since you told me you were interviewing her,” my mom says.
“I don’t know,” I say, not wanting to have anything to do with Evelyn but also hoping that my mom will talk me into it, because I know that on some level, I’m not yet ready to truly say good-bye.
“C’mon,” she says. “For me.”
The movie starts, and I marvel at how dynamic Evelyn is on-screen, how it is impossible to look at anything but her when she’s there.
After a few minutes, I feel the pressing urge to get up and put on my shoes and knock down her door and talk her out of it.
But I repress it. I let her be. I respect her wishes.
I close my eyes and fall asleep to the sound of Evelyn’s voice.
I don’t know when exactly it happens—I suspect I made sense of things when I was dreaming—but when I wake up in the morning, I realize that even though it is too early yet, I will, one day, forgive her.
NEW YORK TRIBUNE
Evelyn Hugo, Legendary Film Siren, Has Died
BY PRIYA AMRIT
MARCH 26, 2017
* * *
Evelyn Hugo died Friday evening at the age of 79. Initial reports are not naming a cause of death, but multiple sources claim that it’s being ruled an accidental overdose, as it appears that contradicting prescribed drugs were found in Hugo’s system. Reports that the star was battling the early stages of breast cancer at the time of her death have not been confirmed.
The actress is to be buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Los Angeles.
A style icon of the ’50s, turned sexpot in the ’60s and ’70s and Oscar winner in the ’80s, Hugo made a name for herself with her voluptuous figure, her daring film roles, and her tumultuous love life. She was married seven times and outlived all of her husbands.
After retiring from acting, Hugo donated a great deal of time and money to organizations such as battered women shelters, LGBTQ+ communities, and cancer research. It was just recently announced that Christie’s has taken in 12 of her most famous gowns to auction off for the American Breast Cancer Foundation. That auction, already sure to raise millions, will now, no doubt, see soaring bids.
It comes as little surprise that Hugo’s will has bequeathed the majority of her estate, save for generous gifts to those who worked for her, to charity. The largest recipient appears to be GLAAD.
“I’ve been given so much in this life,” Hugo said last year in a speech to the Human Rights Campaign. “But I’ve had to fight tooth and nail for it. If I can one day leave this world a little bit safer and a little bit easier for those who come after me . . . well, that just might make it all worth it.”
VIVANT
Evelyn and Me