“Yes,” I said. “Yes, I would.”
“Are you absolutely sure?” she asked just as the waiter put her steak down in front of her and my salad in front of me. “I mean absolutely sure?”
“Yes.”
Celia was quiet for a moment. She stared down at her plate. She seemed to be considering everything about this moment, and the longer she took to speak, the farther I found myself bending forward, trying to get closer to her.
“I have chronic obstructive pulmonary disease,” she said finally. “I probably won’t make it much past sixty.”
I stared at her. “You’re lying,” I said.
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. That can’t be true.”
“It is true.”
“No, it’s not,” I said.
“It is,” she said. She picked up her fork. She sipped the water in front of her.
My mind was reeling, thoughts bouncing around my brain, my heart spinning in my chest.
And then Celia spoke again, and the only reason I was able to focus on her words was that I knew they were important. I knew they mattered. “I think you should do your movie,” she said. “Finish strong. And then . . . and then, after that, I think we should move to the coast of Spain.”
“What?”
“I have always liked the idea of spending the last years of my life on a beautiful beach. With the love of a good woman,” she said.
“You’re . . . you’re dying?”
“I can look into some locations in Spain while you’re shooting. I’ll find a place where Connor can get a great education. I’ll sell my home here. I’ll get a compound somewhere, with enough space for Harry, too. And Robert.”
“Your brother Robert?”
Celia nodded. “He moved out here for business a few years ago. We’ve become close. He . . . he knows who I am. He supports me.”
“What is chronic obstructive—?”
“Emphysema, more or less,” she said. “From smoking. Do you still smoke? You should stop. Right now.”
I shook my head, having long ago given it up.
“They have treatments to slow down the process. I can live a normal life for the most part, for a while.”
“And then what?”
“And then, eventually, it will become difficult to be active, hard to breathe. When that happens, I won’t have much time. All told, we’re looking at ten years, give or take, if I’m lucky.”
“Ten years? You’re only forty-nine.”
“I know.”
I started crying. I couldn’t help it.
“You’re making a scene,” she said. “You have to stop.”
“I can’t,” I said.
“OK,” she said. “OK.”
She picked up her purse and threw down a hundred-dollar bill. She pulled me out of my chair, and we walked to the valet. She gave him her ticket. She put me in the front seat of the car. She drove me to her house. She sat me on the sofa.
“Can you handle this?” she said.
“What do you mean?” I asked her. “Of course I can’t handle it.”
“If you can handle this,” she said, “then we can do this. We can be together. I think we can . . . we can spend the rest of our lives together, Evelyn. If you can handle this. But I can’t, in good conscience, do this to you if you don’t think you’ll survive it.”
“Survive what, exactly?”
“Losing me again. I don’t want to let you love me if you don’t think you can lose me again. One last time.”
“I can’t. Of course I can’t. But I want to anyway. I’m going to anyway. Yes,” I said finally. “I can survive it. I’d rather survive it than never feel it.”
“Are you sure?” she said.
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ve never been more sure about anything. I love you, Celia. I’ve always loved you. And we should spend the rest of the time we have together.”
She grabbed my face. She kissed me. And I wept.
She started crying with me, and soon I couldn’t tell whether the tears I was tasting were hers or mine. All I knew was that I was once again in the arms of the woman I was always meant to love.
Eventually, Celia’s blouse was on the floor and my dress was hiked up around my thighs. I could feel her lips on my chest, her hands on my stomach. I stepped out of my dress. Her sheets were stark white and perfectly soft. She no longer smelled like cigarettes and alcohol but like citrus.
In the morning, I woke up with her hair in my face, fanned across the pillow. I rolled to my side and curved my body against the back of hers.
“Here is what we’re going to do,” Celia said. “You’re going to leave Max. I’m going to call a friend of mine in Congress. He’s a representative from Vermont. He needs some press. You’re going to be seen around with him. We’re going to spread a rumor that you’re stepping out on Max with a younger man.”