The Secret Healer(60)
“And what does Sander have to say about it?”
“That’s the problem. He doesn’t want to hear about it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? It’s his child, too.”
Roswitha howled. “He says I’m not the right woman for him.”
“And he realizes this now that you’re pregnant? What a pig.” Madlen snorted with rage.
“He never intended to marry you? Or not now, under the circumstances?” Agathe asked.
She howled again and shook her head, not saying another word.
Madlen put her hand protectively over her stomach. She’d been married to Johannes for a little over three months now. A few weeks ago, she felt a change in her body for the first time. Her menstrual cycle had stopped, and she woke up every morning feeling sick to her stomach. Sometimes it was difficult to reach the large washbowl before she threw up on the floor. Initially, she’d been too shy to tell Johannes, which was just as well because she wanted to be sure. Still, he had observed her as she remained sitting on the edge of the bed, too dizzy to stand, and he saw her stomach gradually softening. When she finally shared the joyful news, he was so thrilled that he hugged her almost too tightly, whirling her around.
It was with a heavy heart that she now learned of Roswitha’s desperate condition. She’d been blessed with such luck since she’d been forced to leave Heidelberg, though she still missed her brother. But what hadn’t she gained in Worms? Aunt Agathe was one of the kindest people she’d ever met. She knew now that the resentment her father harbored for Agathe was his alone. Then there was the opportunity to save so many lives, to learn so much. And now she could read, though writing was still hard for her. Finally, she had found love and happiness with Johannes, for whom she carried a child. Could there be anybody in the world who led a fuller life? It seemed unfair that so much had been given to her as Roswitha sat sobbing because she had trusted the wrong man.
“What do you want to do now?” Madlen stroked Roswitha’s head lovingly, sinking into the chair in front of her.
“I don’t know.” She sobbed. “No one will want me now. I’ll have to raise this baby by myself and die alone.”
“You shouldn’t say things like that,” Agathe cautioned. “I always wanted children, and the Lord saw fit not to give me any.”
“I want children, too, once I have a husband,” Roswitha said with tears in her eyes. “But I don’t have one, just this bastard in my womb from a man who would have died if Maria and I hadn’t helped him.”
“It’s a shame,” Agathe agreed, sparing Roswitha a scolding for giving herself to a man before marriage. It wouldn’t change anything now. “But it’s useless to cry over it.” She laid her hand on Roswitha’s arm. “You can continue to work here. Neither one of you will go hungry. And one of these days, you’ll meet a man who won’t mind that you made a mistake.”
“We all know that won’t happen. I’ve been used and discarded. And that’s how everyone in Worms will see it.”
“But if you go away, we won’t be able to help you,” Madlen argued, baffled that Roswitha would seek salvation outside the city.
Roswitha continued to sob. “I can’t have this baby!”
“You have no other choice,” Agathe sighed.
Roswitha looked up. “That’s not true.” She looked at Madlen for a long time. “You know how to do it, don’t you?”
A shiver ran up and down Madlen’s spine. “No.”
“But it’s my only hope,” Roswitha pleaded.
“I don’t know how.” Madlen looked at the floor.
“You know.” Roswitha’s face went dark. “I asked you how you knew to calm Sander with a candle. You said that you had seen it done at a birth. I knew even then that it wasn’t the whole truth. You know about woman problems. I never revealed to anyone who the secret healer was, even when everyone in town searched desperately. You can help me get this bastard out of my womb. Do it!”
Madlen’s face turned red as she looked at Agathe helplessly.
“How dare you!” Agathe sprang out of her chair. “This is how you thank Maria for saving Sander, because you said that he was the love of your life? You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Roswitha howled. “Please, forgive me! I’m so sorry. I’m desperate. Please!”
Madlen’s cheeks got red; her heart beat quicker. Roswitha had threatened her. She had felt safe in this house, but now her throat closed up just thinking about being found out. She stared at Agathe.