The Secret Affair(59)

                “I don’t want to get into all that now, but have you ever noticed that with you there’s always a but in there somewhere?”

                She frowned at him. “No, I never noticed but obviously you have.” Was it really that way with her? As far as sharing the blame, she could do that. But she hadn’t been the one getting a lap dance.

                “My proposition is still on the table,” he said. “I’ve been completely honest with you on this cruise, Jillian. I’ve been up-front with my intentions, my wants and my desires.”

                Yes, he had. Every opportunity he got. And she knew that he would have her on her back in a flash if she were to let him. Jillian inclined her head to look deeper into his eyes. “And you promise that at the end of the cruise if things don’t work out the way we think they should that you will go your way and I’ll go mine?”

                He nodded slowly. “It would be difficult, but yes. I want you to be happy and if being happy for you means not having me in your life then that’s the way it will be. It will be your decision and I would like to have that decision the night before we return to Barcelona.”

                She digested what Aidan said. He’d laid things out, with no fluff. She knew what, and who, she would be dealing with. But she also knew that even if she decided she didn’t want him in her life romantically, he could never be fully out of it; their families were connected. How could they manage that?

                “What about the family?” she asked. “Paige, Stern and Adrian know our secret. If things don’t work out between us it might have an effect on them.”

                “We will deal with that if it happens. Together. Even if we’re no longer lovers, there’s no reason we can’t remain friends. Besides, are you sure there aren’t others in the family besides those three who know? It’s my guess others might suspect something even if they haven’t said anything.”

                She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter who knows now. I had planned on telling Pam anyway.”

                Surprise flashed in his eyes. “You had?”

                “Yes.”

                “When?”

                “After I talked to you about it, which I had planned to do when I flew into Portland for your birthday.”

                “Oh.”

                She released a sigh. Evidently the one thing he hadn’t found out was that she’d intended to release him from their secret. “Afterward, when things didn’t work out between us, I saw no need for me to tell Pam anything. In fact, I felt the less she knew about the situation, the better.”

                Aidan didn’t say anything for a moment and neither did Jillian. She figured he was thinking how that one weekend had changed things for them. He finally broke the silence by asking, “So, what’s your answer to my proposition?”

                Jillian nibbled at her bottom lip. Why couldn’t she just turn him down, walk away and keep walking? She knew one of the reasons was that her mind was filled with fond memories of the good times they’d shared. It hadn’t been all bad.

                Would it be so dreadful if she were to give his proposition a try? What did she have to lose? She’d already experienced heartbreak with him. And a year of separation hadn’t been easy. Besides, she couldn’t deny that it would feel good to be with him out in the open, without any kind of secrecy shrouding them. Whenever he’d come to Laramie, she’d always been on guard, looking over her shoulder in case she ran into someone who knew Pam. And he did have a good point about the remaining days on the cruise testing the strength of a relationship between them.