Yeah, he was in a lot of trouble if he was supposed to keep this friendly and impartial. She was his babies’ caseworker. But the fact of the matter was that he had never gotten over Grace Haines. He could no sooner shut down his feelings about her than he could pick up her Toyota with one hand. And being around her again was pure torture.
The next morning, Kyle woke at dawn the way he always did. He’d weaned himself off an alarm clock about two weeks into BUD/S training and hadn’t ever gone back.
He lay there staring at the ceiling of his old room at Wade House. Reorientation time. Not a SEAL. Not in Afghanistan. Not in the hospital—which had been its own kind of nightmare. This was the hardest part of the day. Every morning, he took stock, so he’d know who and where he was. Then he thanked God for the opportunity to serve his country and cursed the evil that had required it.
This was also the time of day when he made the decision to leave the pain pills in the bottle, where they belonged.
Some days, that decision was tougher than others. There was a deep, dark place inside that craved the oblivion the drugs would surely bring. That’s why he’d never cracked open the seal on the bottle. Too easy to have a mental slip and think just this once. That was cheating, and Kyle had never taken that route.
Today would not mark the start of it, either.
Today did mark the start of something, though. A new kind of taking stock about the things he was instead of the things he wasn’t. A father. A cattle rancher. He liked the sound of that. It was nice to have some positives to call out. He needed positives after six months of hell.
Of course, Grace would be watching over his shoulder, and Liam was going to be smack in the middle of Kyle’s steps toward fatherhood and ranching. The two people he distrusted the most and both held the keys to his future.
He rolled from bed and pulled on a new long-sleeved shirt, jeans and boots. Eventually, his wardrobe would be work-worn like Liam’s, but for now, he’d have to settle for looking like a rhinestone cowboy instead of a real one. Coffee beckoned, so he took the back stairway from the third floor to the ground floor kitchen, albeit a bit more slowly than he’d have liked.
Hadley had beaten him to the coffeepot and turned with a smile when he entered. “Good morning. Sleep well?”
“Fine,” he lied. He’d lain awake far too long thinking about how this woman and his brother wanted to take his kids away. “And you?”
“Great. The babies only woke up once and thankfully at the same time. It’s not always like that. Sometimes they wake up all night long at intervals.” She laughed good-naturedly and lowered her voice. “I think they plan it out ahead of time just to make me nuts.”
Guilt crushed Kyle’s lungs and he struggled to breathe. Some father he was. They’d agreed the night before that Hadley would continue in her role as Maddie and Maggie’s caretaker until Kyle got his feet under him, but it didn’t feel any more right this morning than it had then. His sister-in-law was getting up in the middle of the night with his kids, scant hours after he gave Liam and Grace a big speech about how he was all prepared to step up and provide a loving environment.
No more.
“I appreciate what you’re doing for my daughters,” he rasped, and cleared his throat. “But I want to take care of them from now on. I’ll get up with them at night.”
Hadley stared at him. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, do you?”
“Uh, well...” Should he brazen it out or admit defeat? God Almighty, he hated admitting any kind of weakness. But chances were good she’d already figured out he wasn’t the brightest bulb on the board when it came to babies. “I’m going to learn. Trial by fire is how I operate best.”
“They’re not going to pull out AK-47s, Kyle.” Hadley hid a smile but not very well and handed him a cup of steaming coffee. “Sugar and creamer are on the table.”
“I like it black, thanks.” He sipped and added good coffee to his list of things he was thankful for. “Tell me the things I need to know about my kids.”
“Okay.” She nodded and went over a list of basics, which Kyle committed to memory. Eating. Bathing. Sleeping. Check, check, check. Stuff all humans needed, but his little humans couldn’t do these things for themselves. He just had to help them, the way he would a wounded teammate.
“Can I see them?” he asked. Felt weird to be asking permission, but he didn’t want to mess up anything.
“You can. They’re sleeping, but we can sneak in. You can be quiet, right?”
“Quiet enough to take out a barracks full of enemy soldiers without getting caught,” he said without a trace of irony. Hadley just smiled as though he was kidding.