The Rocker That Needs Me(73)

“I know.” He wasn’t making excuses and that made me even angrier, which was completely crazy.

“You don’t deserve to be my father.”

“I know that too.”

“Stop it!” I shouted. “Just stop it!”

“Stop what, Lana?” he asked, his voice calm in my fury. “Stop agreeing with you? I know that I’m a piece of shit. I know that I let you down when I should have done everything in my power to protect you. Not a day goes by that I don’t wake up hating myself because of what I did to you. Fuck, girl. I didn’t even know your name until Jesse Thornton nearly tore my head off yesterday. And when I realized that the little girl I had tossed aside like yesterday’s garbage was you… That my little girl had been so close to bleeding to death, and I hadn’t gotten to tell you all the things I wanted—needed—to tell you, I lost it.”

Angry, frustrating tears spilled down my cheeks, and I scrubbed them away with the hand that wasn’t tangled in my IV line. “And you think that coming here and baring your soul will wipe away the past?” I shook my head. “It doesn’t work like that, Cole.”

“God, I know that, sweetheart. I know that nothing I say or do will ever make up for the past. I’m even prepared for you to hate me for the rest of your life… I just needed to talk to you. To tell you…” he blew out a long sigh that was full of regret. “I’m sorry for your loss, honey. And I hope that you and Stevenson are happy together. He doesn’t deserve you, but if he makes you happy, then you hold on tight.”

I opened my mouth to yell at him again, but nothing came out but a choked sob. Through my tears, I watched as my dad turned and walked out the door to my hospital room.

--

I spent three more days in the hospital. By that time, Nik had flown out with Mia and Lucy. I hadn’t seen my baby sister since I had moved to New York, so it was a bitter sweet reunion   when I got to see her. She was keeping her hair shorter now, all those long dark ringlets now short little curls that ended at her chin just added to her beauty.

My emotions were all over the place at the moment. The doctor told me that it was completely normal, that I would have some postpartum even though I hadn’t been very far into the pregnancy. Seeing Mia, so beautiful and healthy, made my heart ache for the unknown little being that had been growing inside of me…

I was so glad to go home. I felt like I was going to go insane locked up in the hospital room. Instead of going back to my apartment, Drake asked me to go home to his. He wanted me to move in, and I was more than willing to do just that. I didn’t want to spend a day away from him ever again if I could help it. Layla and Jesse tried to talk me into going back to California with them when they went home, but I couldn’t. To me, New York was home now. I only hoped that Drake felt the same way.

Every night, Drake slept beside me. He held me close, and we talked like we had never talked before. I felt like I knew him inside and out now, but something was missing. He kissed me often, but never tried to take it further. Even when I got the green light from the doctor six weeks later, it was as if he was scared to touch me.

I didn’t know what to think about that. I knew that he still wanted me, could feel his erection every time he kissed me. Each morning, I woke to his dick hard as a rock, twitching against my ass. When I tried to make things happen, he would always pull back. To say I was frustrated was the understatement of the century.

Other than being sexually frustrated, life was returning to normal. I was getting through my depression with Drake’s help as well as help from my friends. Layla called every day to check in on me, and Lucy was constantly sending me crazy texts. Jesse was being a little overbearing, acting like the protective alpha male that he was.

“I just worry about you, Lana,” he told me when I complained about it.

“I know, Jesse. And I love you for it,” I told him as I gathered my books for the classes I had that day. “But you need to calm down a little before you have a stroke.”

“Is he treating you good?” he demanded, still not over being pissed at his best friend. “I’ll kill him if he isn’t.”

“He treats me like a princess,” I assured my brother-in-law. “He loves me.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Jesse muttered, and then I heard Layla saying something in the background. “Okay, okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you, Lana.”

“Love you, Jesse.”

Harper and I often had lunch together. I missed hanging out with her like we used to when I was living with her, but with her and Shane always together, I still saw quite a bit of her. Their relationship still had me stumped. I wasn’t sure if they were sleeping together or not, if they were just friends or something more. Crazily enough, it was Harper that was giving Shane the runaround on their relationship and not the other way around. If anything I was sure that Shane was actually ready to settle down, if only Harper would open her eyes.