Humiliated and furious, feeling she'd been taken advantage of at the same time she knew she had allowed it to happen, Holly had been terrified that Lukas would go straight to Matt the next morning and tell him what she'd done.
She'd been shocked to learn later that day that he had actually left the country only hours later. He hadn't gone to see Matt at all.
Why hadn't he? Had he expected her to 'fess up and break off the engagement herself, knowing that she'd betrayed Matt? If she didn't, would Lukas tell him what had happened?
For days, weeks, months after that awful night, Holly had expected the other shoe to drop. Feelings of panic fluttered in her stomach every time Lukas's name came up. But he never came back.
And as far as she knew he had never said a word.
She was aware that she was holding her breath as she watched him walk down the row of cars. Consciously, carefully, she let it out. She had to stop overreacting to him. She wasn't a kid anymore. And whatever he did now, he couldn't hurt her anymore. He couldn't tell Matt what had happened between them.
She hadn't wanted to see him again. But now that he was here, maybe it was a good thing. One more bit of the past she could put to bed before she moved out to her coral atoll and discovered the path for the rest of her life.
She took a deep breath, then let her gaze follow him, looking for the Porsche mentioned in the What's New! article. His "dream car," he'd called it. A vintage model, green and low-slung and more powerful than a pride of jungle cats. The sort of car alpha men drove.
But even as she scanned the row, Lukas stopped next to an old stake-body truck, its back end half loaded with drywall and lumber.
"Come on," he called to her as he opened the passenger door to the truck.
Holly stopped, then blinked. "That?"
"I didn't bring the Maserati," he drawled. "You'd get the seats wet."
She gaped as she walked toward him. "You have a Maserati, too?"
"No. I have a Porsche. But I drive the truck, too. Easier to haul stuff when I'm working."
Holly's brows lifted.
"I'm restoring a building."
"Yes. I heard. Althea told me about it. And...I read the article," she admitted. "It's how I knew where to write to you." Holly felt self-conscious saying it, but refused to allow it to show. "You've done very well," she added, and then her cheeks did burn because she sounded so...judgmental. And prim.
Lukas's mouth quirked in a sort of wry self-deprecation. "Who'd a thunk it?"
"I didn't mean that!"
"No. I don't suppose you did. Surprised my mother, though. She always thought I'd come to a bad end."
"She did not!" Lukas's mother doted on all her children. Still, when Holly reflected on Lukas's childhood, she realized that between the broken windows and the broken bones, Mrs. Antonides probably had had moments of despair.
"Let's just say she's happy that her worst fears weren't realized." Lukas was clearing off the passenger seat as he spoke, removing a couple of paint cans and some tools. He stowed them in the back, then pulled out a towel, handing it to her. "In case you want to dry your hair."
Holly took it doubtfully. "You carry towels?"
"For a lot of years I never knew when I was going to see running water and indoor plumbing again, so I learned to take advantage of every opportunity."
"Of course you did," Holly replied drily, then realized he could read something else into that comment.
And had, for he cleared his throat. "Like I said, I owe you an apology for that."
Holly lowered the towel so she could peer at him over the top of it.
Lukas looked as uncomfortable as she'd ever seen him. There was a hint of red across his cheekbones. "I shouldn't have...taken advantage." There was serious color in his face, which amazed her. Was he embarrassed?
He hadn't seemed embarrassed then. He'd acted like he was mad because she'd been upset.
"It was my fault, too."
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "It didn't feel like it was somebody's fault at the time."
"I shouldn't have let it go there." She pressed her lips together firmly. "You never told Matt," she ventured after a moment.
"Of course not." He looked indignant now.
"I did," she said after a moment.
Lukas's face went even redder. "You told him?" He looked aghast.
"Not...not everything," Holly muttered, her own face hot now. "I thought you still might, and I didn't want him to learn it from you."
Lukas was still sputtering. "You told him we..." But he didn't finish.
"I said...you'd kissed me." That was enough. She raised her chin defiantly and glared at him.
Lukas dragged in a breath, then pulled his hands out of his pockets and dragged one down his face. He swallowed. "That's all you told him?" He sounded somewhere between wary and relieved.
"I didn't give him a play-by-play," Holly said, annoyed. "I didn't think he'd want to hear it."
"No," Lukas replied with feeling.
"But I didn't want it hanging over me, either, in case you decided to come back and rat on me."
"I would never have-"
"You were friends," she said quietly. "He didn't deserve that."
Lukas was wearing sunglasses so she couldn't read his gaze, but she saw his Adam's apple move, and he dipped his head, acknowledging her words. His jaw tightened. "No, he didn't. I had no right."
"No, you didn't." Holly was glad he realized that. "But it happened. So-" Holly shrugged as indifferently as she could "-I thought, 'I'll just tell him about the kiss. We'll laugh about it.' So I did."
Lukas's hand wrapped around the top of the truck's door frame, his knuckles white. "And did you?" he asked roughly. "Laugh?"
"We did." She didn't tell him how hard it had been to make a joke of it. But Matt would never have believed his best friend would have crossed the line. And he had given her way too much benefit of the doubt, as well. One of the things she loved most about Matt-and one of his biggest failings-was his tendency to believe the best of people always.
Lukas didn't speak for a long moment. His expression was unfathomable. Finally, he drew a breath. "Well," he said lightly. "No harm done then."
"No."
Not unless you counted Holly's mortification at knowing she had shared with Lukas something she hadn't yet shared with Matt. Later, thank God, she and Matt had learned to please each other.
But Holly could never forget that Lukas had been her first.
CHAPTER FIVE
SHE WAS LIVING in the same high-rise condo in Brooklyn that she and Matt had been in last time Lukas had been back in the country. He had been there briefly when he'd picked Matt up to go out for a beer.
Holly hadn't been there, of course. But Matt had shown him around the flat. It was small but modern, stylish and with spectacular views across the East River toward Manhattan. Lukas had wondered at their choice because he'd always imagined them returning to Long Island and raising a family. Maybe they would have if Matt had lived. It hadn't been the sort of thing you asked.
Now he wondered what Holly's plans were. In her letter she had said she was "tying up loose ends." Nothing else. And she wasn't saying anything now.
She'd offered directions to her condo, but other than that she hadn't spoken. And once he had tendered his awkward apology-for something he still didn't quite regret-Lukas had gone silent, as well. He didn't know what to say to her. He never had. It was why he'd always taken refuge in teasing, in baiting, because she had always touched something inside him he didn't completely understand.
Worse, she had always seemed to see right through his bravado. He winced inwardly at the thought of her having told Matt even an expurgated version of what had happened that night. And he squirmed more than a little at them laughing about it. But it hadn't destroyed their relationship at least, and with the hindsight of some hard-won maturity, he had to be glad of that. Matt and Holly had been right for each other, as much as he hadn't wanted to see it. They had known better.
He actually found that he was glad he'd been able to apologize, even a dozen years too late.
Lukas could have just dropped her off at the front door. It was clearly what she would have preferred. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Whatever it was that had attracted him to Holly years ago still persisted. And things were different now. She didn't belong to Matt. So as they approached the condo building, before she could say, I'll just get out here, Lukas said, "We need to discuss the deed of gift."