The Resistance(16)
My torn panties dangle from his hand. Lifting them up, he asks, “Can I have these?”
His voice makes my insides twist. It’s deeper and more steady. Very different from the playful tone of earlier, confirming once again that there’s more than one side to this paradigm standing before me.
Digging into a conversation of why he wants my underwear is not good for me. They will be sacrificed for my greater mental state and the little bit of dignity I have left. “Keep them.” I drop the robe onto the bed, standing there naked before him as he watches me. I take my skirt and slip it up my legs, wanting to show him what he’ll be missing. I’m playing a stupid game that I mentally admonish myself for playing, especially after telling him how much I hate games of the heart. I usually lose. I pull my top over my shoulders and let it fall into place before wrapping the robe around me again, tugging the belt tightly at my waist.
I walk out of the bedroom, find my shoes, and slip them on. Grabbing my purse from the coffee table, I’m ready to beeline it out the door, but he’s in my way with that same baffled look he had on his face earlier. “This is awkward. Not how I thought it would be at all,” he says.
“We’re adults here. We knew what we were getting into, so no need for awkward.” It’s so awkward.
“I like you, Holliday.”
Putting on a reassuring smile for him, I say, “I like you too, Dalton.” I pat him on the shoulder like an old pal, hoping he believes the act.
“You’re mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Okay.”
He looks down and I repeat what he said, “Okay.”
When he looks back up, the greens are clear, but a sadness prevails, “I’d forgotten about this thing I have to do for work… sometimes these meetings run late and—”
Walking forward, I raise my arm and shake it to dismiss the guilt he’s feeling. “No, no, no. Don’t worry about it.” I shrug. “I’m busy anyway tonight, so…”
Right when I pass him, he takes my arm and holds me still as he comes close, really close to me. “This was amazing.”
Humor is the defense I use to protect my delicate heart. This time will be no different. “I bet you say that to all your one-night stands.”
His hand tightens around my arm, not to hurt, but getting my attention for sure. “I don’t. I don’t say stuff I don’t mean. You’re amazing. I want you to stay.” He releases me and takes a step back. “I feel like shit for leaving. I don’t want to and while I want you to stay, I feel rude asking you to wait for me.”
“I appreciate that, but I should go before things get messier than they already are.” Protect my heart. Our eyes are locked, saying way more than either of us could express with words. The truth lies there. I nod, letting him off the hook, no one needing to feel guilty. “I had fun. Thank you.”
Saying anything more seems a disservice to that truth, so I walk out, shutting the door behind me and leaving my heart a little more damaged than it was prior to meeting Jack Dalton. It makes me wonder how a man I just met seems to be making an impact that no one else has in years.
“I have a very good life. There are no maybes anymore. The only answer I’m given is yes.” ~Johnny Outlaw
The ride down the elevator gives me enough time to get pissed. Jack Dalton is the exact reason I’m single. It’s not because I’m unwanted, but because nobody I’ve met deserves me. Yeah, fuck that. I’m a successful woman. I can take care of myself. So what if that entails using battery-operated assistance sometimes. At least that gets the job done quickly and efficiently without any messed up emotions to go along with it. Carnal. That’s what a vibrator is—carnal pleasure, nothing more than getting off to feel human again. I can’t believe he convinced me I was the one who wanted the sex in the first place. The sex. He’s already rubbing off on me.
When the elevator doors open, two guys—early twenties—are standing there. They’re cute, but too young for me. The way they’re eyeing me reminds me I’m dressed in a robe and high heels. Probably looks like I’m naked underneath.
I grab the collar and tighten it closed at my neck while checking to make sure the knot in the belt is still solid. Backing into the corner, I give them a wide berth to step inside.
As soon as the doors open, I rush out, bobbing and weaving through the slot machines and poker machines, trying to avoid the main walkway since I have no panties on. I feel exposed even with this huge terrycloth robe wrapped around me. Seeing my bank of elevators ahead is like seeing the light. I might have even heard angels singing.