“Congratulations. We have been waiting for this. It has been a long time coming.”
His brother sank into a chair opposite the duke’s desk and shook his head back and forth. “Once upon a time I wanted it more than anything. Now I do not.”
Thomas swallowed, the curse words sitting on his tongue. “What do you mean, you do not want it? It is all you talked about for the past three years.”
His brother glared at him. “It was all you talked about. Did you not once notice I was not enthused, as you were? Just because I am the untitled son, it does not mean I have to enter the military like all the other second and third sons. Did it ever occur to you that I might have another profession in mind?”
“Bloody hell.” Thomas banged his fist down on his desk, causing all the objects upon it to vibrate. “Now is not the time to tell me this. Why did you not do so before I begged the Prince Regent for this?” It took all Thomas’s will to clasp his hands together to keep them from grabbing his brother’s throat.
“I figured it was something I had to do.” His brother looked around the room, then finally settled his eyes, so much like his own, on him––causing Thomas to shiver.
“I want to marry Emma,” Sebastian blurted out. He continued before Thomas could say anything. “I want to take her back to America. And I hoped . . . well . . . maybe you would be so kind as to give me a job in your whaling business.”
Try as he might to control his body and his heart, Thomas found they would not listen. He jumped to his feet and stomped around the perimeter of the room, grasping for the right words. “Don’t be irrational; take several days to think this over. We’ll make no hasty decision on the commission.”
Sebastian sprang to his feet. “I don’t need to think about any of it.”
Thomas paused mid-stride, turned to face his brother, and prayed his own feelings were invisible. “I insist you take time to think both things over carefully. You will not get the chance for another commission. And I do not believe you have known Miss Hamilton long enough to know your true feelings. Nor can she know hers.”
“But—”
“But nothing.” His stern expression brooked no argument. “I insist you take a week to think about these decisions that will have an impact upon the rest of your life. I need to be alone to think things through. On the way out, please ask the servant to shut the door and tell him I do not wish to be disturbed until I let myself out.”
After his brother left, Thomas collapsed into his chair. Guilt and something else spread like the plague, crippling his body and mind. “Damn it all to hell,” he bellowed as his head dropped into his hands. Why was he forced to make decisions that affected the people he loved? Decisions that would ultimately affect the rest of their lives––and his?
“Bloody hell.” Thomas swiped the contents on his desktop onto the floor. He had to get out of this house, out of his thoughts that told him one course of action while his heart pleaded for another. He smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand.
“Shut up, shut the bugger up!”
Later, while he donned his hat and cloak, his mother approached him with a stern face. “May I have a word with you?”
Knowing he had no choice, Thomas removed his cloak and hat, handed them to a servant, and followed his mother into the drawing room. He closed the doors and waited for his mother to sit. Once she was settled on the settee, he sat opposite her and waited for the inevitable.
“I just spoke to Sebastian, and he is quite upset with you. Is it true you denied his proposal of marriage to Miss Hamilton?”
Thomas closed his eyes for a moment, piecing the right words together to satisfy his mother. “I did not deny his proposal. I merely suggested he take a week to think it over. They have hardly known each other long enough to declare themselves in love. And there’s his commission.”
“Yes, yes. But love?” his mother questioned. “Is that what this is about? What is it with young people today that marriage needs to involve love? One does not need love to start a union ; feelings will come with time.”
“I disagree. What if the so-called love does not come? Then two people are forced together for the rest of their lives without someone to love or love them in return.” His mother began to speak and he held her off. “Please do not speak about how a gentleman can always find relief and tenderness from a mistress, and the wife can find love with her children. What kind of life is that?”
“A perfectly acceptable life,” his mother replied as she fidgeted in her seat.