Ellis sipped his brandy and raised an eyebrow. “So… the last time I saw you it was your father’s funeral, and the time before that I dragged you home from a pub. These weren’t the most socially pleasing events of our friendship. It presented little time to talk. Are you here to tell me something’s changed in your life?”
John smiled. “Yes. Everything has changed. First, please let me apologize for my terrible behavior that night at the pub. I cannot blame you for wanting to shoot me dead in a duel.”
“You remember that?” Ellis asked.
“I remember it all. I was not inebriated; I was only pretending as such to start a fight.”
“I think I need another brandy and an explanation.”
“I felt if I acted the part of the drunken fool, my father would not expect any more of me than he ever did. I have always feared being in charge of the mill, but now my father is dead and I must take responsibility. People depend on me.” John nervously tapped a finger on the desk. “I struggle with reading and the understanding of words. It holds me back.”
“I am already aware of this from our classes.”
“Yes… well. Vivienne is Graeme’s governess. She thinks I process things differently than others. I twist words and letters. No one ever told me this is possible to overcome.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything about these learning issues?”
“You wished for me to admit I suffered from mental retardation?” John’s temper flared. “Admit to you? My best friend?”
“Those were your father’s words. Not mine. I never felt that. You were always a smart lad. I knew you struggled with bookwork, but I was never sure how to help. I wish you’d asked if that was the case. We all have fears of what we cannot accomplish and how other will perceive us.”
“You have never feared anything.”
“You cannot be serious.” Ellis laughed but there was sarcasm tingeing it. “I was shot in the war. I walk with a cane. You don’t think I feared I would never be the man I once was? I was broken and ready to end it all when I returned from the Crimea .” Ellis tipped his brandy snifter his direction. “I fear many things, old friend. I suffered greatly. Spencer, Clarke, and I have created a closed session ‘poker club’ or this is how we refer to it. We meet once a week and speak of things that we cannot say to others. ‘The club’ has helped. Well, let’s say, the club and the love of a good woman. Who is this Vivienne again and who is she to you?”
“Graeme’s governess.” John smiled. “A ‘poker club’”.
“Only a governess? You’re changing the subject. The club will be there if you need us. I can already see a change in you and I hope we can thank Vivienne for this. She seems like a fine woman. Very beautiful, isn’t she.”
“Yes, she is and she has a giving heart.”
“After all the years with your father, you deserve that in your life. I am sorry, John, but I cannot say I was ever fond of the man. He treated you… well, all of us, despicably. Now after your brother’s unfortunate death there is only you. How is Graeme?”
“He’s a wonderful boy, and I have grown extremely warm-hearted towards him. But he needs a mother.”
“I assume we are speaking of Vivienne?”
“She also has a son. Her husband died in the Crimean War.”
“Two boys. My, I do say, that will be as much as one can manage.”
“Yes. We’ve… I have grown close… to all of them.” John took a sip of brandy but said nothing more.
“Love. It’s a strange and wonderful thing. If we are lucky, it happens to the best of us. Bachelor life is amusing for a while, but when you come home to a warm and welcoming woman in your bed, I tell you man, this is the life.”
He and Vivienne fell into a pattern of what John could only refer to as ‘comfortable’. Every afternoon, she arrived at the study with the boys in tow and then she and John would work through the daily paperwork. In the morning, John took the invoices to the mill and completed his tasks simply with no trials or tribulations. She proved to him it was possible.
The time he spent on work with Vivienne was beginning not to be enough. When she finished the invoices and left in the evening, he found he wanted her to stay.
John sipped on a cup of hot tea and attempted to gather confidence. Rising from the chaise, he came to her. “I worked on the lessons you asked.” He handed her the papers. “It is getting easier by the day to understand the words I struggle with. You were right, I needed the right governess.”