She reminded herself that pleasures of the flesh did not necessitate losing her heart. She wouldn't make the mistake her grandmother had, giving her heart to a vampire to be broken. A love between a vampire and a human was doomed from the start. Their lifespans were too vastly distant. The human would grow old and die while her lover remained young, helpless to do anything but watch as she wasted away.
Grandmother's words came whispering back over the years. Do not lose your humanity for any man or any vampire, my child. For some will seek to steal all that you are. Be true to who you are and who you are meant to be.
Sienna had taken those words and internalized them over time. So much so that she'd determined to never leave Silvane Forest. There, she felt she was her true self, finding healing herbs and brewing medicinal tonics she could use to help others. Proper ladies didn't dabble in potions and medicines, but it was as natural as breathing to her. She'd left behind the life of a lady back in Dale's Peak more than five years ago, along with her disgruntled betrothed. After leaving him and her home, she'd decided that to remain true to herself meant she would lead a solitary life in the woods of her forest where the magic whispered to her.
But here she was, venturing abroad. This farmstead teetered on the edge of the woods, and the forest called to her even now. By the end of today, however, they would be leaving the forest behind for quite a while. The idea sent a wave of fear through her frame. There was no choice. To be true to her friend Arabelle and a cause she believed in-to help those suffering under the oppression of the vampire monarchy-she must leave and complete her mission for the Black Lily.
Sienna wondered if she was losing herself after last night's events. Had she given up her true self for Nikolai? Then she thought of Colette and of Nikolai feeding upon her, doing more with her, and her gut immediately tightened with anger. She'd offered herself to keep him away from another woman. But the truth was that she wanted to know him in that way. She wanted to know him in every way. Perhaps her true self was more adventurous than she originally believed.
She'd read the heartbreaking love letters her grandmother's Legionnaire had sent her-letters of desperate passion and longing. But Grandmother had never relented or returned to him, for she knew she couldn't give up her humanity to become a vampire. Their love could never be, because she refused to allow him to watch her grow old and die. She would save him from that pain.
"Enough," said Sienna, hiking her satchel over her shoulder and carefully carrying the tin plate and glass down the ladder with her.
She wasn't in love or anything like, she told herself. This was merely an infatuation that would end just as surely as this mission would end. Then she'd return to Silvane Forest and her happy life in the woods among the hart wolves. She'd put the lieutenant behind her and keep the savory memory of her adventure for lonely nights. And that was all.
Marching across the dew-laden grass and autumn leaves, she held herself steady, hoping Nikolai wouldn't tease her after she'd lost herself in his arms. He must've heard her with his vampire senses, for his head swiveled in her direction three steps out of the barn. No sneaking up on this man. The burly farmer followed his gaze, their conversation dying as she approached.
"Good morning," she said, keeping her eyes fixed on Harrison.
"Morning, milady. Hope you slept as well as you could in the barn."
"Yes. Well enough, thank you." She stole a glance at Nikolai. His countenance was unreadable, as usual. "Is your wife in the house?" She held up the plate and glass. "I'll return these to her."
"Go right in. She'll be throwing things about, packing."
Sienna strode toward the farmhouse. It was a long, single-story house made of gray stone and a thatch roof, complete with white shutters, giving it a clean look. The wooden door was ajar. Sienna rapped three times.
"Hello?"
The sound of sweeping stopped, and the door flew open. A petite, full-figured woman in a simple blue frock dress, an apron, and mobcap stood in the doorway, her hand on the handle of her broom, her brown eyes examining Sienna.
"Hello. I'm sorry to bother, but I wanted to return your dishes."
"Oh, aye. Come in, come in." She set the broom aside and grabbed the plate and glass. Sienna stepped inside the doorway. "Just tryin' to get the house in order before we have to up and leave. That man-" She turned from the washtub, wagged a finger in the vicinity of the yard, then wiped her hands on her apron. "He could've given me more warning to up and pack me whole life in a few bags to go God knows where."