The Rebel's Own(19)

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Ryan felt the blood boil and rush through his veins as the rage built inside him. He already knew he was going to have a tough day at home. He didn’t need this on top of everything else.

“You need to leave Clara,” he barked.

“Ryan, lower your voice,” Kennedy hushed him. “Riley is still asleep.”

Ryan bit back his retort and focused his anger on the intruder. “Clara, please, I am exhausted. My son is going to be up in a few minutes. I want to lie down before that happens.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t be playing house.”

Ryan watched as Clara sashayed towards him, her hands reaching out and smoothing over his chest. He was about to shove her away when he heard Kennedy snort. A sly grin crept over his face as Kennedy’s irritated look as jealousy began to rear its ugly head. Well, good. He was glad she was jealous. At this point, he would do anything to get a sliver of emotion from Kennedy.

“I am a husband and a father to two children. I’m not playing house.” Ryan grabbed Clara’s hands and pushed them back. “This is my life now, and I love my life.”

“I know you bought this house for me. This was supposed to be our life—you the football star and me, the wife of a football star.”

“Oh my God.”

Ryan smiled once more when he heard Kennedy swear under her breath.

“This is my wife’s house. Kennedy is happy just being married to Ryan Carville and being the mother of my children.” Taking a step back, he showed Clara the way out. “Please leave. As you said, tomorrow is a big day for this family. I’d appreciate your support.”

She finally exited and Ryan leaned back on the door, after he had made sure it was locked. He let out a sigh, exhaling all the stress that Clara had brought with her and relaxing his body. He looked at Kennedy, and noticed that she was watching him too. Her jaws clenched and her fingers twisted around each other. They had only been together for three weeks but he already knew her tell signs. She had something on her mind.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” she murmured as she begun to walk away from him.

“Just tell me.”

She paused, then straightened her spine. “I hope you won’t toss me out like that when you are done with me.”

Ryan took a step back to steady himself. When the shock dissolved, he let out a bark of laughter, “You are worried? I’m worried because I know that you will leave with both my children once you are through using me.”

“Using you? Using you! You were the one who used me in high school! You almost destroyed my life.”

“I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT!” Ryan took a deep breath to steady his temper. He was tired of having his past mistakes thrown back in his face. “When your mother gets here, we need to sit down and talk about high school, about that stupid game, that night and where we want this relationship to go. I can’t keep trying to move forward when you have a death grip on the past.”

Ryan took a step back. If it weren’t his house, he’d probably be walking out right now. He studied Kennedy and wondered why he was still here with her. His eyes dropped to her already bulging belly and that was where he found his answer. He was going to stay home and be the dutiful husband, because he was a father now. He took a step towards Kennedy, but paused when she took a step back. Staring into her eyes, he didn’t let the eye contact break until he had his hands gently placed on her belly.

In a low murmur, he said, “I’m sorry. Look, you can talk about the past all you want…I accept that I was part of that nasty game, I apologize.” A sigh escaped his lips as his shoulders drooped. “But in here…and upstairs…they are the reason I have a future. A future looking after them and if you will let me… a future taking care of you.”

“I don’t need—” Kennedy tried to step out of his embrace, but Ryan held her tighter.

“You probably will never forgive me. And I must be an idiot for sticking in a marriage with someone who loathes me. But I want to be in this marriage and in this family.”

Silence answered him at first, and then Kennedy quietly said, “I don’t.”

Pain shot through his rib cage and sliced his heart. He wasn’t wanted, when it mattered the most, he wasn’t wanted.

But he knew he still had Kennedy for a while. She wouldn’t leave until the baby was born, until Riley recovered from the transplant. So he had time to figure out a way to keep her with him forever. At first, it had been his remorse and a need for family that drove him. But he cared for Kennedy too. When they weren’t fighting, there were good times. She reminded him of that girl he’d met so long ago who’d captivated him with her wit and her enthusiasm.