He scowled. "I don't want to be a burden to you, a problem that has to be solved, Sarah. I want to be a husband, a true partner in life, not a millstone around your neck."
"You know you aren't!" she argued, cupping his cheek. "Look how much we've accomplished together in the past few days. We work well as a team, you know we do. You don't have to look after me or protect me. I'm not some silly young girl."
He shook his head. "I never said you were, Sarah. I would marry you tomorrow if I could be sure I wasn't married already. It's been wonderful being like this with you, but we have to think of the consequences. If you should fall pregnant-"
"We'll cope with it together," she said firmly. "I'm an independent woman with my own fortune. And with good friends who would might be shocked, but would never cast me out or judge me."
"The rest of the world will not be so tolerant," he predicted in a grim tone. "You know how the world works."
"I don't give a fig about the rest of the world," she said bravely, though deep inside she felt torn. All of her principles and scruples were not so easily overset, no matter how much she loved him.
"At least you have no reason to care. You have no family or friends that you know of. I will guess that Jonathan considered you a friend, though, so he wouldn't think less of you now. You're making the best of a very hard set of circumstances, and we're in love. Aren't we?" she added, suddenly wracked with doubts. She had been so sure of her own feelings, but she knew love was different for everyone...
"Yes, yes, we are, I think. It's a new feeling for me. It makes me want to always be with you, protect you. It also makes me fearful, and well, almost sad, and also..."
"Also what?"
"I was going to say angry. But that doesn't sound right," he said in puzzlement.
"Hmm. An interesting word. Jealous, maybe?"
"Maybe," he admitted.
"Why fearful?"
He kissed her. "Fearful of losing you, hurting you, touching you."
Her brows rose as she stared at him. "Why of touching me?" she asked softly.
"Because women don't like to be mauled or pawed. The hair, the gown... Women don't have those desires, not like men, or so they say. But she lied. I've seen her- And the boys-"
He made a choking sound and sat up. She looked at him in alarm as he clutched his head and groaned.
"It's all right, Alexander. I'm here with you. I'm not going to leave you." She held him to her, her arms around his shoulders, her chest pressed against his back until he quieted, soothed by her presence, her open trust in him.
"What is it, what did you see?" she whispered.
"I'm not sure. But they were all dead."
She felt herself go cold all over. "Who was?"
"Two small boys. And I think a woman. I can't be sure if she was dead, or asleep. Just pretending." His voice took on a hard, unreal quality. "It was all pretend. She was in shadow. Beautiful, but sharp, hard. She looked soft. Like a rose, but with huge thorns. She smiled, but she lied. She touched me, but drew away, and left me naked and alone. She went off- And then they came, and the boys-"
He rolled onto his side away from her and sat up at the edge of the bed. "Damn it, Sarah. I told you last night, I don't want to remember!"
He sounded as though he were in agony.
She moved over to him and hugged him hard. "You don't have to. I won't ask any more. I love you, Alexander. You're mine now. Mine and safe. And I'm yours, yours, and safe and happy."
She kissed him, and he groaned and pulled her to him desperately. Despairingly. He ravished her mouth with his own, making love to her all over again as if he was trying to flee the visions he had just experienced.
His embrace was fierce, all encompassing. She should have been frightened, but instead of withdrawing, she opened to him like a flower to the fierce rays of the sun.
She stroked, caressed, and pushed him on, exorcising his demons as he entered her as though worshipping the very breath in her, before his male need took over and he thrust into her with a primitive, possessive rhythm as old as time, and begged her for more.
"It's all right. You can have all of me, Alexander. All of me right now, as hard as you like, as much as you need."
He shook his head, looking almost wild with need and fear. "But I might hurt-"
"No pain, only pleasure, darling. Harder, deeper. Give me all of you."
The rhythm of his hips changed at once, almost pounding into her tightness. "Yes, my love, oh yes."
Finally, just as she was sure she couldn't tolerate another second of the exquisite pleasure, he let out a huge, shuddering groan, and collapsed on top of her.