"Woman's honor is said to be her jewel, and it's price above rubies. But a woman has free will, choice," she said in a low tone that only Alexander could hear.
"She is not a passive partner, unless of course she is grossly and forcibly taken advantage of you. But where she loves, she is a willing participant in the delights that only a man and woman can share. There is nothing gross or unpleasant about that. Not where there is true respect and esteem."
She swallowed hard, stunned by her own argument. It was all true. But it all hinged on the man being sincere...
Alexander nodded, and sat back down at the spinning wheel. "I shall keep that in mind. Thank you. I see things so much more clearly now. You are as beautiful as I suspected, as Caleb told me. Far too lovely for me to bemire you with my dirty hands."
She gripped one of them, felt the oily slick of the lanolin from the wool. "I'm equally dirty, am I not? It's nothing a little soap and water won't wash away."
"If only it were that simple," he sighed.
"It is. Jesus washed away the sins of the world, after all."
He shook his head and resumed his work. "I just wish I could remember. Or have some inkling that I might one day be more, well, normal."
"You are walking and talking now, two things I am sure the doctors wondered if you would ever do again. Perhaps if you stop worrying, it will all fall into place. Or if it will help, speak with Dr. Gold."
"All right, I shall try not to worry so much. Thank you, my dear."
"Time for dinner," Caleb called a moment later.
Alexander rose eagerly, and headed off to the bathroom for a wash. All through the meal he seemed calmer, more at ease, and was far more chatty as they resumed their work after the meal.
Sarah sat close to him and touched his arm or shoulder at every opportunity, making Alexander well aware of her feelings. She certainly didn't think of herself as defiled for being with him, wanting him to touch her, kiss her. If only he would put his scruples to one side long enough to allow himself to feel...
He didn't draw away, and in fact she was sure he leaned into her caresses.
She smiled to herself. She simply had to be patient. She was in unknown territory, but he was a good man, scrupulous to a fault. All would be well, she was sure of it.
Chapter Sixteen
At six that evening, Sarah stood up from her stool and stretched like a cat. "Will you look at that. We've finished," she said with a delighted smile as she looked in each basket and found them all empty.
"I'll go get supper."
"That's fine, Jenny. You and Caleb can head off now. You've worked so hard, you deserve an early night. I'll get supper for us."
"Are you sure, Miss?" Jenny asked.
"It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow."
She waved goodbye to them both, and then began to take all of their supplies back into the house.
"What would you say to a ride before supper, Alexander?"
"All right."
She noted his unenthusiastic tone. "We don't have to if you don't want to."
"No, I would enjoy it. But I smell a storm coming."
"We won't stay out long, then."
Sarah led him to the stables, and they saddled the horses together, him doing it by feel, and she checking his work to make sure everything was secure.
"Very good. You're getting very skillful at so many things, it's a wonder."
"I try hard. It's difficult, though, especially knowing most five-year-olds could do better than me," he said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his tone.
She shook his arm. "I don't know any five-year-old who can saddle a horse, or spin as well as you have. Stop being so hard on yourself."
"All right, I will try." He relaxed visibly. "Sorry to be so churlish."
"You're in physical and mental anguish. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you. All I can say is, if you need me, you know I'm here to help you."
"I know. And I'm grateful, even if I act like a moody brute at times."
"How about we canter up?" she proposed in an effort to dispel the gloom of their conversation.
"All right."
Sarah and Alexander reached the top of the hill, where she described the scenery over in the next valley for him.
"It sounds so lovely. I wish I could see it."
"You will, Alexander. I feel sure of it. It just takes time. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with you."
"Not my eyes, no," he said with snort of derision.
"One day at a time, remember? And one night."
"All right. I will try. It's the least I can do after you've been so patient with me."