Jonathan and his friends had suffered, but their hardships had brought them all to an even greater happiness and understanding than they had ever possessed.
Jane had suffered, but she had done wrong by eloping, trusting someone she had not examined critically enough. Then she had been too proud to admit she had made a mistake. She could simply have gone home. Thomas would have forgiven her readily enough.
Her foolish, selfish actions had affected them all, but they had acquitted themselves well. The men responsible for Jane's descent into madness had paid the price. Paxton was dead, and the Earl of Ferncliffe was in prison for killing the unfortunate mad woman in the midst of attempting to kidnap little Sophie.
Ferncliffe had not yet been executed, but Sarah was confident that he would get the punishment he deserved. Especially since there was some doubts as to his entitlement to the earldom. He had tried to dupe everyone. Now his sins were coming home to roost.
Sarah had to believe there was not simple man-made justice, but divine as well. Even if Alexander were a dreadful sinner, he certainly looked as though he had paid amply. As for herself, well... She could always do better, but was it really such a sin to love a man who matched her so well in every way?
Sarah paced up and down her room for a few more moments, attempting to quell her agitation. She needed to put on a brave face for her companions waiting for her downstairs. At last she felt equal to the task of facing the rest of the day.
She took some fresh linens out of her drawer and went down to the bathroom, where she splashed her red blotchy face with cold water. She undressed and got into the warm tub still full from Alexander's ablutions. As she soaked, she struggled to regain her equanimity.
She might have prayed fervently, but she could not always be waiting for a bolt of lightning to strike her dead. If her faith were strong, she simply had to accept what had happened, and be thankful that Alexander had been spared for however long they had together.
It might well be her destiny to lose him. In fact, the closer he came to finding out his true identity, the more likely that became, she reflected, swallowing past the lump in her throat. And look what had happened to Jane, not knowing enough about her beau before she had committed herself heart and soul. And body too...
How could Sarah know a man, love and trust that man, when he didn't even have the faintest idea who he really was?
Alexander was not a local landowner. Somewhere out there was his real life. She had promised him that she would help him find the truth, no matter what that was. And help him she would, even if it meant he was married to another, was a family man. Or was something other than the good, kind man she thought him to be...
Sarah had him with her now. That was what counted, she decided. She had had all sorts of plans for his rehabilitation, and what had happened that morning changed nothing. She would simply take each moment as it came, for good or bad, for as long as she could. She would try to be a bit more cautious, even though Alexander was everything she had ever longed for in a man and more.
She would enjoy the gift of his company for as long as she could, but she needed to be sensible.
Yet at the same time the bargain she feared she had just made with God might mean that their time together was limited.
She chewed her lower lip, torn between her Christian devotion and her longing for love. For passion.
She sighed, and hauled herself out of the tub. Every action had consequences. She would simply have to face them when the time came. She would try to look before she leapt, but the fact was she was sure she had already jumped straight into the fire with both feet.
And judging from his completely unguarded kiss when he had come to this morning, she had the feeling that Alexander had as well.
Carpe diem, Sarah decided. Seize the day. She would seize it, and the night, for both of them.
Chapter Eleven
When Sarah came out of the bathroom, Jenny was lying in wait for her.
"You look much better now, Miss."
"Have Sally and Jed gone home?"
She nodded. "Yes. I paid them and gave them two baskets of food to take back to their Ma."
"Perfect. Thank you."
"You ought to go lie down. You were up all night, and must be exhausted."
"I'm fine. Was there something else you wanted to ask me?"
Jenny hesitated.
"What is it? What's wrong?" she demanded, worried it might be something to do with Alexander, and the older woman didn't want to upset her.
"It's nothing, really. I wouldn't mention it only--"
"Come on, dear old girl, out with it," Sarah said with a fond smile.
"It's just that it's May Day today. You promised a picnic on the green for the local people."