That got a laugh from Alexander, though prior to it he had been laying there with a confused expression on his face as they had all exclaimed over him at once.
"Explanations and introductions can wait until later. Can you bring porridge and coffee, and a bacon sandwich right away, Jenny, please?" Sarah ordered, doing the utmost to keep her voice steady.
"I could eat a horse," Alexander admitted, then reached up a tentative hand to explore his sticky face. Then he frowned.
"I do appreciate you all being so solicitous of me. But was it really necessary to stick these things up my nose?"
That got a general laugh, and Sarah relaxed at last.
The children went back to bed, and Jenny began to cook up a storm.
Sarah lingered on despite Caleb's numerous attempts to persuade her to go to bed.
"I'll stay here and tend to his sore head. Really, it's fine. I want to."
Alexander smiled at her gratefully, and Caleb gave up trying to argue with her.
Once they were alone again, she nursed him and touched his face and chest without any attempt at restraint, almost as if she were terrified to let it go, too frightened to allow him out of her sight for a minute.
She was more than relieved that he was still breathing, and seemed alert and composed. He also wasn't writhing in pain. But all the while as she sat there, she couldn't help but wonder what her emotional outburst might have brought down upon her head.
What sort of bargain with God had she made? she wondered with an uneasy shiver, and clung onto his hand as though she would never let go.
Chapter Ten
It was only when she was at last in the privacy of her own room several hours later that Sarah allowed herself to give vent to her tumultuous feelings.
She threw herself down on the bed and wept until she could weep no more. She had been so scared, so desperate.
What had happened? What had she done? Had she really brought Alexander back from the brink of death?
She wished more than anything that Jonathan were there. He would understand, and possibly be able to make sense out of something which was so incredible as to not be believed.
She was sure he had been dying. He had stopped breathing, his heart had ceased. Was this what had happened to Jonathan on the battlefield two years ago?
Even worse was the thought that it could happen again at any time. One minute he had been merrily singing and playing, the next, he had-
She couldn't think about it.
Sarah raised a trembling hand to wipe her cheeks and then moved over to her wardrobe to choose a gown. She mustn't brood, she scolded herself.
He was going to be fine. He had eaten heartily, taken his bath energetically, and been examined once more by Dr. Gold. He was delighted at the change in his patient, and pronounced the crisis over.
Alexander had then eaten a second hearty breakfast, and was now out in the garden working happily. She could hear him singing, Barbara Allen if she was not mistaken. Even his back seemed better, his gait less stiff.
But if he was well, what had the terms of the bargain been? She recalled her desperate words. She had said she did not care for a happy old age or middle age, just so long as she could be with him a bit longer. How long was that going to be? And in what manner was death going to come for her?
She thought of her brother again. He had not cared about the consequences at the time he had made his vow. As soon as he had seen to it his friends were safe and on a troop transport back home to England with the rest of the wounded, he had waited until it was permissible for him to relinquish his commission. He had served bravely at Badajoz, and then taken the first ship home that he could manage. From Portsmouth he had journeyed to Oxford and thrown himself into his studies.
It was only when he had arrived safely at Oriel College that he had discovered that his beloved Jane had eloped with an unsuitable man. Had done the unthinkable and broken faith with him.
That had seemingly been the price Jonathan had paid, but he'd kept right on paying when Jane had managed to find her way back to her brother Thomas with an infant daughter in tow. Jane had been insane, and rife with venereal disease by then. Even if Jonathan had been willing to forgive her, there could be no question any longer of marriage. Yet her brother had nearly renounced his beloved Pamela to keep faith with his original vow.
Sarah had no one she loved except her family and friends. Was one of them going to be sacrificed in exchange for her desperate request to keep Alexander alive? Was she herself going to be made to suffer?
As Sarah moved around the room, she could almost feel the shadows closing in on her. But that was nonsense, she told herself firmly. God was good and just. She had to believe that.