The Rakehell Regency Romance Collection Volume 2(333)

"But the taint of it has haunted me, and made me help both fallen women in the clinic, and also look after sick children. I've spent my whole life terrified of disease and infidelity. The irony is that when it came time to marry someone, I nearly ended up making the same mistakes."



"Not us—"



He shook his head quickly. "No, my love, I meant when I was much younger, and thought I knew what love was. I never knew that until I met you."



"Thank you."



"I prided myself on being sensible and discerning. But Rosalie Crane Stanton was no better than my mother. She was unfaithful to me. She gave her virginity for a man who had a chance to get a peerage, and I found out later that she was exceedingly unchaste once she was wed.



"I was lucky to have had a good, decent father. I know the consequences of illegitimacy for children all too well in this society. He could just as easily abandoned me in an orphanage, remarried, started over again. But the saddest part of all was that he actually loved my mother until the day he died."



"Oh, Blake, I'm so sorry."



After time she asked, "And what of you? Were you in love, are you still in love after all these years with this woman Rosalie?"



He sighed heavily. "I'll be honest. I thought I was in love at the time. I took up with a woman called Leonore to drown my sorrows, though she meant nothing to me. I never thought I could feel that way about anyone ever again.



"But ever since I met you, darling, I've never even thought about either of the two women as anything more than embarrassing episodes in my past I would rather not recall. Since we met and I fell in love with you, my entire life has been blessed by the warmth of your compassion, decency, and generosity. You've lit the darkness in my life, and I can't believe how much I love you. Love you from the moment we met, and love you more with every passing day as I get to know you better and better."



He reached for her hand. "You are my life, my heart, flesh of my flesh, soul of my soul. I don't know what I would ever do without you, Arabella. You've taken the ashes of my old life and sparked it into flames anew.



"And just when I think I've somehow solved the mystery of your love, have got close to the reasons why I love you, I get even closer, bask in your warmth, the loving kindness you give everyone who meets you.



"You're the finest person I have ever known, Arabella. I can't tell you how grateful I am that you married me. How much I long to make you happy, fulfil your every dream."



She could feel the tears flowing down her cheeks. Any misgivings she had had about the stranger she had found herself wed to were gone in an instant. "I'm so glad. I can't recall our old life together, but perhaps that doesn't matter. We have each other now, and the future. That's what counts, isn't it?"



He squeezed her hand. "It is. One day and one night at a time. Those are the building blocks of a happy future."



"Then this will be the first night. I don't know if I'll ever be able to remember anything, but you seem a good man, and I'd like to be that wonderful woman you've just described."



"You are." He kissed her hand.



"Will you be patient with me, help me understand what you need from me as your wife?"



"We have all the time in the world. As soon as I'm sure you're better, we can go on our honeymoon and rediscover everything important about each other all over again."



"I think I'm a very lucky women." She smiled at him warmly, and he kissed her hand.



"I know I'm a very lucky man."



Many of Arabella's misgivings were assuaged after that intimate dinner. Blake knew the elation of falling in love with her all over again, sharing more and more warmth and affection, even if he was forced to withhold his passions.



She occasionally had some serious headaches, but in the next fortnight her bruises healed completely, and if anything, she was more lovely in his eyes because he had come so close to losing her. And might still if the worst he feared became a reality.



But to his relief, he still did not see any sign of venereal disease. Even more encouraging was that her monthly courses came exactly four weeks after the attack, flowed quite heavily, and lasted for seven days. Now he could be sure that her initial bleeding had been that, at least in part, if not in the main.



He also knew she was not pregnant, a fact that filled him with some sadness, but also enormous relief given the circumstances.



Arabella knew she was far better than she had been, but she could still see the haunted look on his face. She asked him one day, "Why do you always look so worried, Blake? I'm getting better, aren't I?"