Blake shuddered as he thought of his promise that he would tell her anything she wanted to know. He had never spoken outright of his family tragedy. But perhaps now was the time? He had loved her from the moment they met, and had made such a mull of things.
Now some for strange reason he had been given a second chance. If anything it was an opportunity to do things all over again, differently this time, better than before. To avoid making any of the idiotic errors he had the first time.
The maid came down and motioned to him. "Everything is ready upstairs, sir. Just ring if you need anything." She gave him a warm smile.
They had been suspicious of him at first, but no one could have been more tender with his wife than the huge dark-haired doctor.
He hurried upstairs, and opened the door. Arabella was sitting at the table, and his breath caught in his throat. She had never looked more lovely, he thought, even given the dark shadowing under her eyes.
"Some wine?" she offered.
"Oh, er, yes, just a glass."
She poured for him, and as she did so he told her about their New Year's Eve ball at Lady Pemberton's, and how he had tried to teach her about wine. As they ate their meal, he recounted again how they had met.
"And everyone is well now?"
"Yes, yes indeed. John the driver was badly off, but he's working as a footman now, and is said to be doing well. Your ribs healed well so far as you ever let on."
"Tell me about my step-brother."
"Peter and I met in Oxford at the political debating society. All of our friends are Radicals."
He outlined each of the founding three Rakehells for her, Clifford Stone, the Duke of Ellesmere, Jonathan Deveril and their wives, then their wider circle of friends, Philip, Michael, Randall, Matthew, Alistair. Told her of the Jeromes.
"And you became a doctor for the sake of social justice and welfare?" she asked with interest.
"Yes and no. I had more personal reasons."
"Would you like to tell me what they are?"
He put his fork down and took another sip of wine. "Yes and no. But since I've promised I'll tell you the truth, the answer is yes."
He took a deep breath and steeled himself to tell her the whole grim story at last. "My mother and father were not a love match. She married him for his money and status.
"She had had a long-standing arrangement with another young man since she was sixteen, but his family lost all of their money and she was forbidden to marry him. She was expected to restore the family fortunes, and so she married my father, and within a year, I was born.
"But she still pined for her former love, who was reduced to penury. For a time she helped him with money from her housekeeping, but it became apparent to my father what she was doing. She was an indifferent wife and mother, and resented my father the more he tried to help her. Finally one day she just ran away, left us both."
"Oh, my love, I'm so sorry."
"There was a scandal of course. My father tried to put a brave face on it. I know he always wondered if I was his, or if she had been unfaithful to him right from the start. It coloured my whole relationship with him. He had loved her, but she had betrayed him. He had loved me, but her betrayal caused him to fear to love me."
"That's so unfair," she said indignantly. "Even if you had been someone else's son, it wasn't your fault."
Blake nodded. "He came to understand that toward the end. I spent all of my boyhood trying to please him, get him to say he loved me, was proud of me. I could never figure out what I had done wrong. I tried so hard to find the key to his heart, his approval.
"Finally, when I was eighteen, he told me the story. Everything became clear, and I wondered why I had never suspected. I didn't feel so badly about myself any longer, but it was hard not having had any parental love for so long.
"But worse was to come. When I pressed my father, he admitted he knew where my mother was, that she was still alive. In fact, that he had been looking after her for years. Her man had proven unworthy, left her with syphilis and an illegitimate daughter with the most appalling birth defects."
"How very sad. And how kind of him, when so many others would have turned their backs."
Blake nodded. "Father told me the truth at last in case anything happened to him, to be sure that they would both be looked after properly. He was good at making money, taught me to manage a portfolio, made sure there was money to see they would both have continuous care for as long as they lived. I do what I can. They live in a house in Islington and I visit from time to time to make sure they want for nothing.