But he was her guardian now. And however fearful he was of his own rampaging desires, he feared those of others more. What would have happened to her had someone else come along at the site of the carriage wreck? He shuddered to think.
No, hard as it was to imagine sharing his life with the gorgeous Arabella Neville under the same roof, even more unthinkable was to turn her away when she had pleaded for his help.
He considered her question for a moment longer, and averred once more, "Yes, Miss Neville, I shall allow you to stay for the time being. At least until we get to see Mr. Brown and discuss matters with him further, and see what other options we might have.
"But before you go thanking me," he added quickly, seeing the relief light her lovely face, "we must be clear on a few matters. Firstly, you will respect my wishes in all things, and you will follow my instructions to the letter. I am Dr. Blake Sanderson. You will address me as Dr. Sanderson.
"Secondly, your paying calls and visits to soirees and balls will have to be restricted if I'm busy with my work. I believe I have found you a suitable chaperone for the times I cannot be with you and something urgent comes up. Finally, you will do me the courtesy of confiding in me if you feel yourself forming any sort of particular friendship or attachment. I will not have scandal attached to both our names by your eloping. Your step-brother would never, ever forgive either of us."
She nodded with alacrity. "I know this. I shall not. My happiness rests in your hands. I shall seek your permission fairly to marry, and not behave in a furtive manner."
His laughter at this remark had an unpleasant edge to it. "I have no doubt you will do exactly that, so my fourth rule is not to lie to me, Miss Neville, and not make me any promises you can't keep. I know young men well enough, you see. The stolen kisses, secret meetings in shadowy alcoves at balls. I was young once too. But there is a difference between mild flirtation and going too far. I hope you now know the difference."
She nodded. "I do indeed, Dr. Sanderson. I'm very grateful that you saved me from myself," she said with a shiver of barely suppressed desire as she recalled the way she had felt in his arms, and a shudder of fear that she really was an evil person.
"And I do not lie, sir. You were candid with me on the road. I admired that, even if it was painful for both of us. Therefore you may expect the same forthrightness from me. There is little point in asking for your help and protection if I then refuse to avail myself of it. If I stubbornly go my own way, to perdition or my own ruination, now is there?"
She looked so wounded, so shocked by this unexpected and incredible turn of events, he wanted more than anything to reach out and take her hand to comfort her. But that would be certain doom.
It would be a cataclysmic upheaval in his life, acceding to her request. Allowing her to remain under his roof, so close, just down the hall from his own room, when he wanted her so...
He stood up from the chair and began to pace once more, before moving to the window to stare out of it moodily. He knew her remarkable blue-violet eyes were resting upon him with consternation. He could not look at her, or else he would be lost.
It was madness to have her stay. But even more mad to let Arabella leave. He simply couldn't let her go out into the cold cruel world without being better prepared for it.
Even if she did manage to marry well, marriage was not always a bed of roses. Men could be cruel, foolish, callous. She could be widowed, become ill. There were a million and one things which could go wrong. He couldn't protect her from all of them, any more than he could protect the women in his clinic. But he could at least educate them. Give them somewhere to go when they had no one else to turn to.
He turned from the window and sighed.
She smiled up at him tremulously.
"I confess to being rather at a loss, Miss Neville. I agree to serve as your guardian. I admit this isn't going to be easy. However, it will be what we make of it. We shall just have to do our best to take each day as it comes. I need to think a bit more about your role in my household and how I may best look after you and your interests."
"Whatever you think best."
"Not just me, though. I would like you to have some independence."
Her eyes widened. At last, someone who believed women were not mere chattel.
"In what manner?" she asked quietly, hardly daring to believe he meant what she thought he did.
"For example, your brother has give me the use of your fortune, your dowry, to invest as I see fit. Once you marry, that dowry passes out of your hands. I believe that to be most unfair and short-sighted, and would like to try to remedy that. If you ever find yourself in trouble for whatever reason, you can always come to me. But if we invest your money wisely, you can have a nest egg of your own that no one can ever take from you."