"But there are no more rooms here."
"I can share with John. I am not troubled by such things as considerations of class, and ought to be keeping an eye on him anyway. That is if you can dispense with my services now?" he said politely.
The unwitting double entendre caused them both to blush.
"You've been more than helpful, thank you. I-I-I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Please don't be mad at me."
"Not angry with you, but myself. You are young and naïve. There was no harm done. But there could have been, for both of us, and for that I reproach myself most bitterly."
He began to stride to the door.
Belle gasped. "Wait, Doctor! Will you not at least say goodbye? Shake hands? Let me say thank you for everything you did to save us all?"
"Your thanks are not necessary, Miss. Anyone would have done the same thing. I must thank you for your help and generosity. You are a most lovely, warm and affectionate woman. I hope you will find a man worthy of all you have to offer." He bowed curtly.
"And you are not?" she asked despite herself. "You are not deserving of love?"
He shook his head impatiently, eager to be away before he leapt right back into bed with her.
"There is no such thing. Only a mutual satisfaction of needs. Not always the same needs either. Where a man might lust, a woman might simply seek money, status, power," he said, thinking of Rosalie.
"Where another man might seek a wife and family, a woman might wish to merely cover up her lustful indiscretions under the guise of respectability. They are all needs, wants and desires. They seldom match, and they should not be dressed up with the term love to dignify them."
She stared at him in horror. "What, no love at all? Brother to sister? Parent to child? I don't believe that! My mother and step-father loved--"
He smiled tightly. "I truly hope you shall find it, then. I wish you well, my dear. No doubt I shall see you again later, at supper, or breakfast tomorrow. Please do let me know if you're feeling any more ill effects from your terrible ordeal and I shall be pleased to tend you. But otherwise, I shall bid you adieu."
He stepped out in the hallway, berating himself for his callousness and cowardice. How could he have spoken to, treated the poor girl so? He almost went back in the room to beg her forgiveness, to kiss away the tears which had started to fall down her cheeks.
But no, it was not fair. He was the last thing she needed in her young life.
What of your needs? a tempting little voice inside his head prompted. That wife and family you wanted to settle for? It was enticing, to say the least.
But he could never keep anyone as alluring as Belle, and would be a fool to even try. Women did not know the meaning of the word fidelity. She would leave one day for certain.
He might try to settle for a convenient marriage, but with a woman as passionate as she? There was no chance. The fact that his head swam every time he looked at her escaped him utterly. If she was passionate, what was he when they were together?
He marched down the hall to John's room, rapped on the door, and entered. He looked him over again carefully to check for signs of gangrene.
Once he was finished he began to settle into the room. It appeared they were going to have to remain there for a few days until John was fit to travel. He unpacked his clothes, shaking them out and placing them in the wardrobe or drawers.
John had scooted over to one side to make room for him, and Blake stretched out on the bed, almost beyond exhaustion. Blake looked around the small, dingy room and sighed. He closed his eyes and tried to tell himself he couldn't possibly miss Belle already. But miss her he did…
CHAPTER TEN
Blake dragged his aching body out of bed a few hours later to get some supper for himself and John, and to look in on James and Mr. Greengage.
Mr. Greengage, who introduced himself as Robert, was feeling a great deal better, and thanked him for all his help.
"Have you eaten?"
"We have, thank you. Mr. Samuels has been most attentive."
He went down to the common room and also looked in the parlor. There was no sign of the apothecary or Belle.
He sighed. Well, she would hardly want to face him after everything that had happened, all he had said to her after they had come so close to making love.
He sat in the parlor alone. Soon the maid brought him a hearty stew with chunky pieces of lamb and vegetables. He moved the food around the plate more than he ate it, until it finally congealed into an unpalatable mess which he put aside.
"Somethin' wrong wi' it?" the maid asked worriedly.
"No, not at all. It was very good. Can you bring me some brandy, though? I fear I'm not myself at the minute." And wouldn't be if he drank the brandy.