She was glad he couldn't see her expression, for she was sure she was goggle-eyed with desire. She flicked the sheets over his legs once more quickly, trying to remove the temptation so near. But the damage had already been done. She had seen him bare. She was sure as long as she lived, she would never forget such a rousing sight, or the sensation as she had touched his leg.
As she helped him adjust himself more comfortably once more, she could feel the heat of his body through the thin cotton sheet and an answering glow radiated within her from head to toe.
"I'm sorry I got your hopes up for nothing. The initials tell us a little, but certainly not as much as I had hoped."
"It was best to check to be certain. I'm grateful that you tried."
"But you must be exhausted."
He lay back down meekly, stiff and ill at ease now.
"I'm sorry that was a waste of time," she apologized again. "Did I hurt you?"
"No, not at all. Please don't think that."
His shoulders eased, and she began to tuck him in lingeringly.
"There, all done."
"I'm sorry to be so churlish, Sarah. You did try. I'm grateful."
"How's your head now?" she asked, after replacing the compress again a few moments later.
"Much better, thank you. You're a good nurse." He took one hand and after some hesitation, kissed the back of it lightly.
"You're a good patient," she said in a warm tone.
He relinquished her hand at last, and said in a business-like manner, "So, have you any more thoughts as to what I can do while I wait for your brother to write to us, or come home?"
"Is there anything else you have with you that might help?"
"Copies of the war office records, the commission papers, are here for you to scrutinize. Caleb took them out of my pockets and put them in a safe place. Jenny is taking the money out of the lining of my coat. The papers aren't much good to me in my present state. I've had no one in whom I could truly confide. So far as I know, they all state that I'm Jonathan Deveril. They would be all about his record of service with the 45th Foot until he was injured lightly at Badajoz."
"That's right. He was with Picton when the Third Division succeeded in breaking through into the castle. It was a miracle, I can tell you. For a time it looked as if Wellington had lost, until the news from the 45th arrived that they had given it one last try."
"I've heard the stories from men in the hospital. Your brother must be a very brave man."
"He does what he has to do for the sake of his principles, as do we all."
"I can see you strongly resemble him, then," he observed quietly.
"Physically, no. In terms of disposition, yes, most certainly. We're very close, the best of friends, though there are several years in between us. Though not as many as between our older sisters and he."
"I hope his kindness extends to charity for the poor, then. I got a awarded a small pension which I've put in a bank under my assumed name, but I've already exhausted a fair amount of it in my fruitless searches. I have no home to go to, no friends whom I can recall, so I am as you see me, blind and close to destitute."
"He always helped those less fortunate than himself, even before he devoted his life to his current vocation. You will be welcome by him and all his friends, I'm sure of it."
He sighed bitterly, and rolled in the bed to face her. "I don't want to prevail upon your hospitality any more than I already have, Sarah, but to tell you the plain truth, I don't know what I shall do in the ensuing time until your brother writes or finally returns home. Even if he does do either of those things, he might not know me."
"But he might," she said in her most optimistic tone. "The tattoos certainly seem to indicate that you know the Rakehells, so I feel sure you will have some answers from him soon."
"If he doesn't know me, I might never be able to get my old life back. In which case, what shall I do then? Even if he does know me, do I have anything worth going back to in my old life? I'm blind, crippled for Heaven's sake. What use am I to anyone?"
She put the brown paper to one side and stroked his brow soothingly, feathering back his lush dark hair. "Sush, it will be all right. Please calm yourself. I'm not going to throw you out to wander the roads. You've walked this far, but I can see what a toll it's taken on you. You need to rest, and try not to push yourself too hard.
"I was just thinking before how God works in mysterious ways. You'll stay here with me. No, don't even try to argue. I have the room and would welcome the company. And don't even dare suggest you're a burden. There are many things you can do around here to help me, once I think about which are most important and give you a chore list."