"That's part of the problem. I'm so inexperienced. I feel like my head could be turned by just one kiss," she confessed.
"No, it wouldn't. I know Ferncliffe pursued you, and Captain Breedon. I'm sure they tried to take liberties. I know you paid no more attention to them than to a speck of dust. The heart and the body seldom lie. Not if you also respect and esteem the man. It takes time. I thought Clifford a rake and libertine, but I was lied to. I watched carefully, observed him with the company he kept, discovered his tastes and character. It didn't take me long to realise I was falling in love with him. It only took me a while to be certain I loved him.
"As soon as I was sure, we married. I for one have never had a moment's regret. He's a wonderful man, a wonderful husband. Every moment we're alone my heart and soul, and body," she added in a lower tone, "is transported by joy."
"Is that normal, though?" Elizabeth dared to ask. "I mean, it was dreadful for Jane, and so many women complain…."
Vanessa patted her hand soothingly, then continued to play a popular air. "Many women have made bad choices, had their heads turned by plausible rogues like Paxton, or by worldly considerations such as name, rank and fortune. Many men treat their wives like chattel, possessions to be displayed in a drawing room like a china ornament, or an object for their own gratification in their bed. Still others can be biting and cruel. A man can torment his wife without ever lifting his hand. Being unfaithful, not taking her into her confidence, there are many ways. Hopefully by the time you ever marry you'll know your husband so well, that you'll be assured of happiness."
"And if I'm not? Happy, I mean?" Elizabeth asked, worrying her lower lip between her teeth.
Vanessa gave her a warm smile. "I shall pray that you will be. But if for any reason you are not, dear child, you know Thomas will do anything he can to help you."
"Even if he does not approve of my choice?"
"Even then. He loves you enough to want you to be your own woman, with the freedom to choose, and even to err." Vanessa sighed. "I know how hard it has been for you since Jane…"
"Yes, it has. But I'm not her," Elizabeth said stoutly.
Vanessa nodded approvingly. "Exactly. Thomas has tried to protect and shelter you. But you're old enough and educated enough that you can be trusted to be your own woman now. Just remember, there's no disgrace in admitting you've been wrong. It's far better to do that than let stiff-necked pride make your suffering even worse.
"I was too proud to admit to Clifford that I had been wrong about my half-brother Gerald being a highwayman. It almost cost me everything. Don't make the mistake I nearly did. If you find love, grab it with both hands and hang on. Even if the storm is swirling all around you, your love will be your anchor, and your guide."
Elizabeth embraced her friend. "I shall try to remember."
Vanessa peered at her closely. "You don't have anything special you want to confide in me, do you, dear?"
Elizabeth shook her head quickly. "No, nothing. I'm sorry to worry you. I'm just fine."
She slid over onto the bench and began to play the notes of one of their favorite duets, effectively ending the private conversation before she told Vanessa everything, and lost her shadowy lover forever.
Chapter Six
After a restless night, during which Elizabeth had tossed and turned with longing for her nameless, faceless lover from the cave, she dragged herself out of the bed at nine and scrubbed herself with cold water.
Since Thomas had told her this was to be a special family party, she dressed with care in a long-sleeved pale gold day gown with black sprigs. She dressed her hair high atop her head with matching hair ribbons and gave herself a light dusting of powder. She donned an impressive set of jet jewellery, earbobs, bracelets, and a collar necklace which could not fail to call attention to her shapely bosom, and checked her appearance once more.
She doubted that her cousin and his wife and brother could help her find the clues to the identity of her mystery beau, but it paid to look her best just in case.
She had not realised, though, that their family party would be quite so large. An entire house full of likely candidates for the role of enigmatic lover appeared in the form of their former comrades from the war.
Elizabeth had never felt so flustered in her life, for each man was as tall and handsome as the next, though in different ways. Almost any one of them could be the man whose touch had scorched her with passion's flame in the cave.
Fortunately she was able to rule out a few of the men straight away. Tall, dark and fiercely handsome Stewart Fitzgerald only had eyes for Vevina, his petite auburn-haired wife with sparkling violet eyes. In any event they mentioned how they had been out riding together when the storm had descended.