The Rakehell Regency(283)

"I have already had it, Mr. Deveril."



"Oh?" he asked, his finely arched brows raising.



"Being invited here, getting to stay, and be welcomed so warmly by such pleasant companions."



"Thank you for coming."



"Thank you for inviting me. And for all the rest of it as well."



He glanced over at her. "The rest?" he echoed blankly.



"It occurs to me that you have been a guardian angel to me ever since you came into the district. I never would have managed without your help, and Sarah's, until Father went to his final rest. And when that occurred you could not have been more helpful, without being at all intrusive. It was a beautiful service. You went out of your way to find his old friends and have each one of them say something nice about him. It shamed me deeply, I have to admit. But I was so glad."



His face fell. "Shamed you? My dear, I would never--"



"No, I didn't mean it in a bad sense," she said hastily. "Only that thanks to you I saw him as not just a father, but as a person, a man. I was very sorry to not have had the chance to get to know him better in that capacity. I loved him, but I think I could have liked and admired him more."



"I understand," Jonathan said, nodding. "I feel the same way about my father. We were estranged because I went to war, and took orders. Mother and I too when she took his part."



Pamela stared at him, hardly able to grasp what kind of people would not have been proud to have such a magnificent gentleman for a son. "They did not approve? I would have thought most parents would have been delighted that you were doing something to help end tyranny."



He shook his head. "Don't fool yourself, Miss Ashton. There are many people, from all political parties, who admire Napoleon and would not mind him winning. The Whigs favor appeasement, even now that we are obviously winning."



She stared at him in shock. "But Bonaparte is a tyrant!"



He shrugged one shoulder. "True. But people are sheep. They like to follow the flock. I'm convinced that half the time Napoleon was victorious because the soldiers simply wanted to lose. Or did not think they could win."



"And will you be going again?" Pamela found herself asking, though she wanted to bite her tongue as soon as the words left her mouth.



"Going?"



"Back to the Army. I should think you'd like to be with your friends and comrades again. I know you've renounced violence, but an Army chaplain--"



He shook his head and settled further into his saddle. "No, I'm not planning to leave," he said, his tone weighed down with a myriad of emotions she could only begin to guess at. "You're right, I admit. I wish there was more I could do. But my duties here, my obligations to the Duke of Ellesmere, who has given me my parish, and all manner of kindness, have got to come second to everything else. Except my own conscience, of course."



"Ah yes, quite so," she said, hoping she didn't sound as relieved as she felt. "The Duke gave you your preferment, and the living is, I imagine, a very good one."



"Yes, living the good Christian life amongst such wonderful friends is the best of all worlds," he said, his eyes taking on a strange, pained look.



"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so worldly. Not when you friend Michael is suffering such untold hardship."



"No, it isn't that. It's just me being plagued by the blue devils again," he sighed.



"I'm sorry. I know you were distressed yesterday. I thought you were wrestling with your conscience. About going back to war," she added when he looked at her strangely once more.



He fiddled with his reins almost nervously. "Quite so. No, my conscience is clear, upon that point at least. My family and friends need me here, so here I shall stay. I will admit that I feel awfully selfish at times about doing so. But I have vowed to love and serve God all the days of my life. I can only do that through continuous good works."



"I hope not too good. There must be some time for enjoyment as well."



"I shall have that as soon as we get to Bath," he said with a warm smile. "And for the moment, as you have said, with the best of company, and the fun to be had with the rest of our visit.



"After breakfast, we can go to the shops, see Gareth Cavendish, then head on to the Jeromes. Then it will be back home to Ashton Manor for you. Clifford and Vanessa would be more than glad for us to remain longer, but if we're to get our adult reading lessons under way tomorrow, we'll need to go back and make a good start first thing tomorrow morning."



He reached over to take her hand briefly. "And before you begin worrying that you won't be up to it, let me just say that your modesty becomes you, my dear. But I'm certain you'll be up to the task. Now come, let's head back. I'll give you one last gallop."