He might as well have said the word 'woman,' she thought wryly, sitting back in her seat as breathless as if she had run a mile without stopping.
She was glad Jonathan had broken the spell by criticizing her. Then she smiled to herself. Really, how absurd. Preaching against worldly vanity was a common enough theme. She was sure he hardly ever spared her a second thought throughout his busy days except when they ran into each other. She found herself wishing she could alter his polite indifference in some way.
She lapsed into the sin of vanity once again when she was delighted to hear her name mentioned in the parish events list. Jonathan told everyone about the adult reading classes, and praised her in glowing terms. He said the lessons would commence on Tuesday.
She saw several people look around at her in surprise. Many more were amused, and she burned with mortification. She could even see a few people smirk knowingly.
Pamela told herself she was doing it because it was a right action. Not because she wished to become on better terms with the handsome young clergyman. If it turned out that they improved their friendship, all the better. But it had not been her primary motive in suggesting the classes. Had it?
She put one hand to her temple. All this soul-searching and seeking after self-knowledge and improvement was really rather wearing. She wished she were home alone in her room so she could examine her conscience a bit more closely. Had she really been trying to flirt with Jonathan Deveril?
The thought was most unsettling. Especially since she began to wonder what sort of result she would get if she did attempt such a thing.
She steeled herself for the inevitable face to face meeting as she and her family filed out of the church. She could not allow her unease to show, or Jonathan would think she disapproved of what he had said. She reminded herself that he was a good friend, no more. The idea of him as a beau was absurd. If she thought she was receiving mocking looks now, just imagine if...
She quashed that thought ruthlessly. But a glimpse of her comfortably ensconced in the vicarage, presiding over the teapot or performing duets at the splendid pianoforte, had already flickered through her head with lightning speed.
No, he was a vicar! A man of God, not the world. Poor, humble, obscure. Her family and friends all expected so much better for her.
Better than a good decent God-fearing man? she heard Jonathan's ironic tones demand.
No, no... She felt herself blushing uncontrollably, and hastily bent to tie her bootlace to hide her reddening countenance from her sharp-eyed aunt.
By the time she had finished tying her laces and got her raging imagination and emotions under control, she was nearly the last to leave the church. She could see Jonathan and Sarah looking at her almost expectantly.
Did she appear so very guilty and sheepish? she wondered.
She heard her aunt thanking Jonathan for the uplifting sermon, though Pamela was sure she had heard her aunt's soft snore throughout. She prayed the vicar would not ask her to discuss the ideas contained within it any further. Fortunately, his eyes swiveled her way, and he greeted her warmly.
"I'm glad to see you did not take a chill after our rather dreadful journey yesterday morning. You were right, we should have simply walked. I will own to being rather too protective of you as a woman upon that occasion.
"Now, you will be delighted to hear that we have had numerous volunteers for both the teaching and the lessons. Would you care to step into the church hall with me to look over the arrangements for the school which I've managed to make thus far?"
"Oh, er, yes, if Aunt Susan doesn't mind."
"Not at all. It all seems a lot of nonsense for Pamela to be bothering with when she has such prospects and there is so much to do before Bath. But if she believes she has time, I can't see the harm. By all means, go. And you of course will see her safely home, you and your sister?" her aunt said pointedly. "Would the two of you care to come to dinner, Mr. Deveril?"
"Much as we would love to, we are committed elsewhere today, I fear. Next Sunday, perhaps?"
She covered her regret well, with only a small pout and pat of her curls. "Yes, most certainly, Mr. Deveril. We shall all look forward to it."
Pamela tried to hide her disappointment, but she could not resist asking, "Where are you going to dinner today, then?"
"I was actually going to ask you if you would be allowed to accompany us. Sarah and I are going to Stone Court. I wondered if you might like to speak with Vanessa about your school. She will also be happy to help with the reading you are undertaking. How are you enjoying Marcus Aurelius?"
"Very much, thank you."