A low wall loomed suddenly in her path, but Juliana felt no fear as the horse obeyed her touch and sailed easily over it. Once she glanced back over her shoulder, but no pursuer was in sight. Later she would face Dominic and apologize for taking his horse. Now she just needed to be alone.
The wind whipped at her face. She left the path, not wanting to meet anyone. Mile after mile she rode through lush fields and glades rippling with high grass and summer flowers. Finally she spied a small stream. Slowing Bucephalus to a walk, she crossed a narrow covered wooden bridge. On the other side, cut in a wide green hollow, was a flat pasture through which the stream wove, deep and slow between clay banks. Rooks cawed by their nests in the big trees along the water. The branches rustled overhead casting downward a light-leaved net of shadows. No other creature was in sight.
The sweetness of the air, the newly washed smell of everything, the thrushes going wild in the hawthorns, conspired to draw her to this peaceful haven. Sliding off Bucephalus's back, she patted his muzzle.
"What a wonderful animal you are," she muttered before wrapping the reins around a narrow sapling. She left him grazing in the soft grass and went to sit on the bank. Her hat hung heavily on her neck, so she flung it aside and laid down in the lilies of the valley growing wild under the trees. For only a moment she would enjoy the beauty around her and let it hold at bay all the dark thoughts crowding the edges of her consciousness. She welcomed the warmth of the summer's day, although it made her feel drowsy. She had barely closed her eyes all night, so now sleep came and with it welcome forgetfulness.
She hadn't heard him approach. The first she was aware of his presence was his hoarse voice calling her name and his hands roaming freely over her person.
Her eyes snapped open and she sat bolt upright in shocked recoil. "How dare you while I sleep!"
Finding herself once more laying in the flowers, but now imprisoned in Dominic's arms, she felt his hard chest shudder and then, incredibly, heard laughter.
"Why are you laughing?" she demanded, confused, her sleep-numbed thoughts trying to focus properly.
"Asleep!" he sputtered. "I thought the damn horse had thrown you! I was feeling for broken bones. I've been searching for you for hours."
She suddenly focused on Dominic. A lock of his hair had fallen forward, half hiding his face, and the sun, splashing light through the moving leaves, sent sparks of color through the gold. He couldn't be ruined. He was the wonderful man who had brought her back to life. He had made her face herself and realize she could begin again. Everything, anything could be overcome in the wonder of his arms. Biting her lower lip, she tried to stop giggling in response to the look in his sparkling eyes, but failed and was forced to bury her face in his shoulder as she, too, shook with laughter. They lay together, their mutual laughter and his soothing touch slowly melting the emptiness inside her.
Dominic recovered first and turned his head to look solemnly into her face. They were so close his breath fanned her cheek. His shirt lay open at the throat, a pulse beating strongly in the hollow of his throat. There was a faint moist sheen on his skin. She watched his cornflower eyes slowly darken to navy.
"You should never have ridden Bucephalus, Juliana. He might easily have thrown you. When I saw you laying here I … " he broke off, such a look of concern hardening his features, Juliana's breath caught in her throat.
"Would it really matter so much to you, Dominic?" she asked quietly. So much depended on his answer. Would it be the glib reply of the rake? Or would it be the answer of the man she had come to love?
He surprised her with a heart-stopping smile. "Matter to me! You have haunted my thoughts night and day for years. Of course, it matters to me!"
Breathing the flower-scented air deeply into her lungs, she laughed joyously. His grandmother was wrong … everything was all right. Nothing was ruined.
He must be as bemused with love as I am, she thought, for I couldn't possibly have haunted his thoughts for years. We only met weeks ago.
Yet, she too felt as if he had always been there in her heart. And she would obey Mrs. Forbes. She would do what her heart demanded. Turning in his arms, she placed her lips at the spot on his neck where a pulse beat rapidly. He became very still while she worked her way up to nibble on his earlobe before moving across his cheek to his lips. She touched them lightly and then more deeply realizing that this, not the sweet air, was her breath of life.
With gentle hands he moved her so he could gaze down into her dreamy face, his beautiful hand drifting slowly over her body. Bending, he parted her lips in a deep kiss; she was filled with such longing she couldn't help arching her back to press closer to him. His mouth covered hers again and again, his deft fingers playing in the curls at her neck.
"You're so soft, love," he whispered wonderingly.
Juliana had never known what uncontrolled desire was, but she felt it now, like liquid heat flowing through her veins. Lifting her body into his, she sought his mouth, then moaned gently when she found it. He did love her. She could feel it each time he kissed her.
His breath was sweet as he dragged his mouth over hers slowly. "Oh, love … I want you."
He bent to bury his face in her neck and she gathered him even closer.
"I want you too … I love you. Please … please let us be married soon … " Her breath came in a tattered gasp. "I don't think I can wait much longer."
His arms tightened painfully about her, and he became so utterly still it was as if he had even ceased breathing. Then he moved, supporting himself on hands placed on either side of her face and raised himself to look into her eyes. Some strong emotion she didn't recognize blurred his features.
"Juliana … Juliana, I want you." His voice was gentle, but it held that same note she had first heard in Mrs. Forbes's parlor and had never been able to understand. "More than I have ever wanted anyone. But there can be no marriage between us."
His words struck her like a blow, but she did not flinch, only stared at him for a long moment before finally understanding all that this meant to her.
Mrs. Forbes, you were wrong!
What had she done? She was sunk beneath reproach.
"Will you please move so that I may get up?" she asked in a cold voice, which matched the chill once again causing her insides to shudder. She would never let him know how he had destroyed her with his callous words.
She was released swiftly, her body feeling weightless without the warmth of him pressing against her. Slowly sitting up, she pulled her chemise back into place. Soon the shame and disgust with herself would settle firmly in her soul, but for now she felt strangely detached, even when he brushed her hands aside to finish the fastenings her fingers were unable to accomplish.
Ignoring the hand he reached out, she stood alone. Without looking at him, she walked to where the mare grazed.
"Juliana!"
The pain in his voice made her stop, but it was a moment before she could force herself to turn and face him.
Even through her own misery she responded to the unhappiness and loneliness she recognized on his face. How did he do it? Time and again he could raise her to the heights and then drop her to despair. With but a look he would beg forgiveness-and she would be within an instant of granting it. The gossips were right. He was a debauched rake unworthy of her. This time he had gone too far. He had stolen a part of her honor and she would never forgive him. She twisted the reins in her hand refusing to ask for his assistance.
"You don't understand, Juliana." He shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers. "If only I could tell you, you would understand why I do this."
She felt her mouth twist unhappily as a tear threatened. She backed up into the velvet warmth of the horse. When she was safely in the saddle she answered. "I do understand … I do. It is because I am a widow. The Marquis of Aubrey could never marry soiled goods."
She thundered off and his protests were lost in the echoing hoofbeats.
Chapter 11
Juliana fled to her bedchamber, locked the door, and, exhausted, fell to her knees beside her bed. She wept until there were no more tears left, only a bitter burning ache that threatened to remain with her forever. Because she loved Dominic, she had thrown away every rule she had lived by … her honor, when she broke her promise to Sir Timothy … and her unquestioned conviction that the intimacy of her love would be given only to the man she would wed. She would have allowed him to love her there in the bank of flowers because her feelings for him were as infinite as the air she breathed. But he only wanted her; fool that she was, she had thought it was love. She had followed her heart … declared her own love openly and freely and he …