The Rage: Hell's Disciples MC 3(39)

"The fuck it doesn't"

I don't get it. Lil had a difficult time dealing with the life she took.  People usually do. Lil's learned to deal with it, but she'll still get  upset if you bring it up. It's like Lala could give a fuck either way. I  want to know how. I don't know why, but I do.

"How Lala?" Her eyes are downcast, but I see the strength in there.

"He pinned me down underneath him. I knew he carried a gun on him  somewhere at all times, so decided to play along, make him think I  changed my mind and wanted him, so I let him touch me, and I touched him  back. When I got my hand to the waist of his jeans, I found his gun. I  put it under his chin and pulled the trigger. I shot him." My stomach  rolls. She shot him in the head.

"While he was on top of you?" She nods her head and I get a clear picture. Blood and brains everywhere. Jesus Christ.

I let that shit sit for a minute. No fucking clue how to even approach  any of it. It seems like she's worked it all out herself. She doesn't  strike me as a hardened, cold blooded killer, but she doesn't seem all  that bothered by it.

Sitting down next to her, I say, "I don't get it. You don't seem bothered by it."

She looks at me and it honest to God scares the shit out of me, "It's  not like I enjoyed it, but I was satisfied. He tried to take something  from me, so I took his life. I don't regret it, and I would do it again  if I had to make that choice. You don't know what my life was like. I  was fifteen and I killed my mom's boyfriend because he wanted to rape  me. She blamed me after I told her why. She said it was my fault for  making him want me, but she was so strung out on drugs and freaking out,  but I forgave her for saying it. She wasn't in her right mind, but  because of it, she quit the drugs and tried to be a mom to me, even if  it was only for a little while. I told you all this, except for the  thing that happened with him, the reason we left. We left Ryan behind,  thinking he would tell his dad's drug dealing friends, but the only  person who came looking for us was Ryan, and instead of handing me over  to them, he used me. I took his money, his dad's support of him away,  leaving him to have to do for himself. I was in a relationship with him  at 15, he was 18. My mom approved of it. Because of what I did, he's  even more sick than his dad was, so tell me something. What the hell was  I supposed to do? I killed a bad person and I'm still paying for it. I  picked me. I'm still here − I won."

"You're not a bad person baby." I reassure her. And she's not. I don't  blame her for shit she's done. In fact I'm proud as fuck she did that  shit. She's still alive and kicking, and that's something to be thankful  for. "I needed to know, Lala. I needed you to say it out loud ‘cause I  don't think you ever have. I don't want that shit haunting you, and now I  know, so you're not alone. I understand and I get it. You also saved my  family tonight."

" I did what I had to do. I'm gonna sleep easy knowing that I took care of me and the people I care about."

"You need to talk about it, you talk to me. Now c'mere. I need you."

****

You know what they say, "Onwards and upwards." That's Lala. She's  unfazed. Fuck, she's unshakeable; a goddamn badass. It's been a few days  and she's okay. I'm gonna let her deal with it how she feels she needs  to, and come to me if she wants to. Not pushin' her. She's got her shit  more together than most of us here do.

"Come here," Sis grabs my arm and tugs me into the office as I walk by.  Shutting the door, she leans against it and hushes me. Fuck. I didn't  even say anything.

"What's wrong with you, crazy ass. Why ya tuggin' on me for?"

"It's Lala's birthday," she whispers loudly at me, giving me the evil eye. How the fuck would I know that.

"I don't know."

"I'm not askin', dumbass. I'm tellin'." I had no fucking clue. Not sure what Lil wants me to do with this tidbit of information.

"Okay?" Her eyes widen and she glares.

She throws her hands in the air and sighs dramatically, "Yeah, okay. So  what are you going to do for her?" She asks me, lookin' all expectant  and shit.

"When's her birthday? Today?" Sighing again, she shakes her head and  grumbles at me. Sis is good at making the brothers feel like complete  fuckin' assholes sometimes.

"No. It's in two days, and you're going to do something nice for her."                       
       
           


///
       

Lil begins to fill my head with crazy shit, like a hot air balloon ride.  She fuckin' kidding me? First off, that's never happening. I've got two  fucking days, not thirty to plan something like that. Second, isn't  that like a proposal kinda thing? I'm never going there.

She threw out a candlelit dinner with a band. A band? Where the fuck do  bitches get this kind of shit? It's all those fuckin princess movies,  that's where. Bitches and their exaggerated ideas of romantic grandeur.  Lil clearly doesn't realize she lives with a bunch of excessive  drinking, bad-mouthed, criminal bikers. Her heads filled with delusional  knight in shining armor shit.

"The fuck? This isn't Disney Land, Sis."

The guys aren't much help either. Gin's answer is to throw money at her,  because his woman loves that shit. Crush got all fuckin' creepy on me,  spittin' out all kinds of romantic shit. Tiny just shrugged. Sargent  just got up and left the second the question left my mouth.

"Take her to a beach and fuck her on a towel." That was Blade's  solution. According to him, beaches are romantic. I'm going to kill  myself.

"Flowers," Tank grumbles.

"Flowers?" Not the scariest suggestion. I might be able to handle flowers.

"Fuck yeah, flowers. Bitches love flowers."

I don't want to do shit, but for Lala, I will. All that sweet deserves  something for her birthday. Not sure what it'll be yet, but I want to  give her something. She deserves that. Fuck, she deserves more than I  could ever give her, but I'll try, or at least die trying.





Lala

Rough fingers trail a line up and down my arm, leaving a wake of goose  bumps behind. We've been like this for a while now. The only reason I  know he's awake is because his hand hasn't stopped.

"Babe?" His voice deep and scratchy.

"Hmm?" I'm too tired and comfortable for words.

"Headin' out for a few days in the mornin'?" My heart hits my ribs and  anxiety begins to run rampant through my chest. He's leaving? I know I  shouldn't panic at the idea, but I do. These past few weeks he's been  with me every day, a constant source of dependability.

"Oh, uh …  okay. How long will you been gone?" I try to sound unaffected,  pretending it doesn't bother me. I don't want to be that annoying needy  bitch, so I suck it up.

"A few days, but Lala?"

"Yeah?"

"Takin' your ass with me, babe."





****

Rampage won't tell me anything. He said pack a small bag and that was  all. Now I'm pressed into this back, arms resting around his waist and  fingers twisted in his t-shirt. Lush greens and yellows fly by as  Rampage roars down the old highway through the forest. The smell of  rain, forest, and fresh air swirl around me and I love it. I never  thought a motorcycle and a highway could bring so much peace and calm,  but it does.

Pulling off of the highway, the road narrows and the forest closes in on  the single lane road. The sun is blocked out by the overgrown trees,  along with the air, which gets cooler the deeper we go. I see a  beautiful blue lake up ahead, the crystal water stretching as far as the  eye can see.

Pulling down a pebbled drive, a small moss and ivy covered cottage comes into view.

"Up ‘n off, babe." The first words he's spoken in a few hours, and those  words always make me smile. Getting off the bike has become a little  easier each time, but still I pray I don't land on my ass. There is a  fifty-fifty chance my ass will find cement each time I get off, but so  far I've not embarrassed myself too bad.

Watching Rampage get off of the bike, he's pure man. Dark, dirty jeans,  black boots, blue t-shirt, which is covered by his cut. His face is  covered in a dark blue bandana, making him look more foreboding and  mean. The only thing I can see are those dark menacing eyes. A deep  brown that's so dark, it borders on black. Those eyes full of soul and  worry. Eyes that have seen and dealt death. Eyes that are haunting, and  to me, they're perfect.

"What is this place?" Rampage steers me toward the door. His hands and chin rest on my shoulders, his beard scraping on my skin.

"A house."

"Smart-ass."

"Rather be a smart-ass than a dumb-ass, babe," He fires back. Well he's  got me there and his words make me laugh. It's a rare thing when he's  anything other than hard, so when he's like this, I enjoy it. When I  look up at him, he actually smiles. It's soft and little, but it's a  smile.