I tell him everything that happened after the day we ran, but I don’t tell him about what made us run. I know I should probably tell him, but I don’t. I don’t think I trust him enough to tell him such a thing. Only three people know, and two of them are dead.
As the words leave my mouth, I start to feel lighter and really fucking tired. I let most of it go. Closing my eyes, I focus on Rampage’s rough hand lightly touching my side, while his other hand plays with a piece of my hair, lightly wrapping and unwrapping it around his finger.
“Fuck, Lala. I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry for everything.”
I’ll take that.
Waking up, I’m alone and cold. For a minute I’m a little lost, but when I try to open my eyes, it all comes back to me. Rampage, Ryan, the club, and most of all, the pain, all come screaming back. I remember everything. My face aches while my jaw is sore and stiff. My eye fights to stay shut, but I fight harder. Finally getting it open, it begins to water and sting. Everything is blurry and dull, but I can still see. Thank fucking God.
Looking around, I don’t find Rampage anywhere in the room and his side of the bed is cold. A nagging fear grips me and the need to find him has me slipping on my sweats and heading for the door in a hurry, ignoring the pain that comes with every movement. The hallway is dead and quiet. I find the same thing in the common room, but the front door is wide open.
Walking outside, that nagging fear comes crashing down on me. Ryan is standing just inside the gate with his goons. He treats them like they are his guys, protecting him, when they are only his babysitters, keeping him close so he can’t get away from the debt he has yet to pay. It’s obviously some serious cash, so I know he’s here to collect me.
A shiver runs from my head to my toes and my heart begins pounding in my ears. Rampage, Tank, and three other guys stand not too far away from them. I can’t hear or see them very well, but what I do see makes my stomach drop. Gin has a bat in his hands, but he’s causally leaning on it and I know he’ll use it if it comes to that. I can’t let these guys do this, so I make a move. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m just a few feet behind Rampage. Like the predator he is, Ryan senses me. It’s like he can smell my fear. His eyes scan the area until they land directly onto me, then a slow, sick smile slithers over his lips.
“Nice of you to join us,” he growls at me. I don’t give him the satisfaction of my fear. I hold it in and stand my ground as I step away from Rampage to look directly at Ryan.
Rampage twists his head in my direction, and I watch him visibly cringe when his eyes take me in.
“Inside,” he orders in a harsh whisper before turning his attention back to the threat in front of him.
“Oh, no. I think the bitch should stay for this,” Ryan says in a mocking tone as he stares at me. He hates me so much.
“Shut the fuck up,” Rampage yells at him. Rampage’s words only make Ryan smile bigger. Ryan has always suffered from Little Man Syndrome. He talks lots of shit when he has people to back him up.
“So you thought you could hide from me here, huh?”
“Why can’t you let it go? How could I have made you hate me this much? I had no choice, but you can’t accept that. I’ve done everything you’ve told me to do. I’ve taken more beatings from you than I care to count. Grow the fuck up and take care of yourself! I just want you to leave me alone, Ryan. I’m tired of running and hiding from you. You have to let it go.”
I’m not sure why I speak, but I had to say it, but he just smiles at me. I don’t understand his sick fascination with using and hurting me.
“You are such a dumb bitch. That body makes me the money you owe me. It’ the only thing you’ve ever been good for.” That stings, but I let it roll off. It’s not the first time I’ve heard those words, and it won’t be the last.
Spinning around, Rampage yells at me, no, he screams at me with his face inches from mine. His eyes are hard and mean when he stares down at me, “Jesus Christ! Get inside the fuckin’ club, Lailah!”
I flinch and reel back like I’ve been slapped. Not only do I get humiliated by Ryan, I get it from Rampage, too. I’m a piece of ass and now I’m Lailah to him.
“I said NOW, goddammit.” He growls at me. Blinking a couple of times, I stuff away the tears and stand straight. Turning around, I take a step back toward the door, prepared to leave this fucking place, too.
I’ve never hated my name so much ‘til I heard Rampage speak it. The way he spit it out killed a little piece of my heart. It felt like the air had been punched out of me. He treated me like his club whore Red, and called me Lailah. Fuck him, and fuck this place.
I hear a loud commotion and turn to see Ryan trying to make his way to me. In a swift, sweeping motion, Gin brings the bat up and swings it right into his stomach, toppling him over while he clutches his stomach. Gin just laughs.
“You fuckin’ him, you stupid bitch?” Ryan yells. Hunched over and in pain, his hate ringing clear in his words.
Tank grabs Ryan by the neck and lifts him up, putting them face to face, “Shut your fuckin’ mouth before I break your fuckin’ jaw,” Tank growls at Ryan from beside Rampage.
“Fuck you. That bitch owes me and that makes her mine. She’s comin’ with me.”
Fear creeps into my veins and panic beats in my heart. This is never going to end.
Ryan starts to struggle in Tank’s hold and Tank drops him carelessly onto the concrete.
“She’s mine! Told you, cunt. You’re not goin’ anywhere without me. The moment you took the only life I knew away from me, you took his place and became mine.”
“And I fuckin’ told you to shut the fuck up!” Rampage looks furious when his eyes land on Ryan again, “Keep talkin’, ‘n I will kill you!” He’s beyond furious. The muscles in his jaw are taut with anger when he speaks. His huge body is wound up tight and ready to snap, making me see a whole different person − cold and calculating, unhinged and disturbed.
“This bitch is none of your fuckin’ business,” Ryan challenges him.
“The fuck she ain’t. The second she showed up at my club, beat up ‘n bleedin’, she became my business. The second she said she needed me, she became my business. When I stuck my dick into her sweet, tight pussy, she become MINE.” His words are clipped and harsh when he speaks and I feel it. I’m nothing. I’m a pawn and a slut. I wish I never came here. How much more can I take? Beaten by one man, used and humiliated by both.
“Give her to me and there won’t be an issue, man,” Ryan barters. I can see the wheels turning in his head. He’s plotting and scheming. If he doesn’t get me now, he’ll find revenge at some point. He’s that spiteful and unforgiving. His tone is of someone who is defeated, but it’s an act. Ryan doesn’t just give up something he thinks belongs to him. For a brief, terrifying moment, I think Rampage might hand me back over to him. I prepare myself to run. I will fight, or I will kill myself before I ever go with him again.
“Let me tell ya how this is gonna go, man. Lala ain’t goin’ any fuckin’ where with you. You stay the fuck away from her. You come near her, I’ll kill you. Take your bitch ass off my property. Stay away, or it won’t end well for you.”
Ryan looks from Rampage to me, and back again. Opening his mouth to argue, he get as far as, “Fuck that…” before his eyes go wide with fear. Without a second thought, Rampage reaches into the waist of his jeans, pulling out a large silver gun. With ease, he takes aim and shoots. One single shot rings out into the quiet of the night.
He shoots one of Ryan’s guy’s in the face with absolutely no emotion. The guy’s head explodes everywhere, blood and brain spilling out in all directions. The violence is so natural and easy.
“What did you do?” My mom starts screaming and crying at me when she opens the front door of our rickety trailer. My hands shake so bad, I drop the gun. No tears. I can’t cry, I can’t move, and I can’t stop staring. A bubble of laughter erupts from my lips before I can stop it.
“Why-why are you laughing, you stupid girl?” She cries. Her movements are frantic and jumpy, her eyes quickly shifting between him and me. “You … you … You’re so goddamn stupid, Lailah. Why?” She sobs at me. Black tears from her mascara run down her already smudged and smeared, made up face. I feel like I’m in a bad movie. I listen in a numb silence as she screams and berates me for what I’ve done. I listen as she tells me what a horrible and sick person I am. The pool of blood around his body grows by the second, finally reaching my bare feet, and the metallic smell of blood and sulfur from the gunpowder permeate every square inch of our trailer. I just look at him with a smile on my face as his eyes stare blankly into the void.
“Why would you do this to me?”
I’m jerked out of my trance when my mom starts shaking my shoulders, screaming and crying in my face. She’s so upset, yet I can’t seem to feel bad. I have no regrets. I’m going to hell and I don’t fucking care. Do I have a soul? A heart? Who knows, but what I do know is that he deserved it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, my soul be damned.