The RUIN Series Book 1

Chapter 1




"I keep a room at a hotel in mid-town. We can go there."

The words are decisive and seductive. The subtle hum of his voice catering to the need that is inside of me. The same need that drove me away from Boston and back into the uneven clutches of Manhattan.

I glance at my watch. Fifty-nine minutes. It's been fifty-nine minutes since he sat next to me on this flight. Thirty-one minutes since he told me he's always been attracted to brunettes. Twenty-five minutes since I knew that having his cock inside of me would chase away all the deepest memories of the man I left behind.

"I have a driver meeting me." The assumption is there. He's moved effortlessly from asking if I'm interested to expecting it. He knows how utterly attractive he is. The eager glances of the flight attendant who tried to divert his attention from me spoke of the pull that is there within him, whether he's consciously sending out signals or not.

I nod. It's not unlike me. He's not the first man I've slept with within moments of meeting. It's always filled a temporary hunger. This time is different though. This time I'm doing it to numb the ache.

"I'm Ben, by the way." He extends his hand in a graceful, yet misplaced, greeting.

I reach for it, entrusting my own in his. "I'm Kayla."

"Pretty," he says.

I take the compliment along with the gentle touch. He won't be like this in bed. I can sense it already. There's a darkness behind his eyes that promises skill, pleasure and a bite of flashing pain. It's everything I need all wrapped into a six foot four inch, muscular, brown haired, brown eyed stranger.

"Is anyone expecting you?"

My eyes flit across his face pulling nothing from his stoic expression. He's asking if there's a complication waiting for me when the plane touches down at LaGuardia. There's nothing waiting for me here. No one knows that I've run from my life in Boston. I haven't told a soul that the man I loved left me beneath the shadow of an excuse about chasing his own happiness. He'd changed overnight. The once beautiful, confident soul that held me in his arms and promised me a lifetime has been replaced with a cold, distant selfish asshole.

"No," I whisper the word as if that will lessen the pain that is attached to it. "There's no one."

"I need to make a few calls once we land." His hand dives into an inner pocket of his Armani suit jacket to retrieve his smart phone. "I'll do that while you grab your luggage."

I pull my hands over the smooth denim of my worn jeans. I look ordinary next to him. I'll disappear into the crowds of the airport the moment we depart from the plane. He'll command the attention of many. He wants that. It's part of who he is.

"I don't have any checked bags," I begin before I realize the words sound comfortable and intimate in a way that I don't want them to. "I'll wait outside for you."

He flashes a grin. "You won't run away on me?"

I'm not Parker. Parker, my piece of shit boyfriend, ran away on me. He told me he loved me. He promised me forever and then he ran away.

"I promise I won't." I exhale. "I'll be right there waiting for you."



***



"Your cunt is as beautiful as the rest of you." His breath whispers over my folds before his tongue pierces into me again.

I lean back into the coarse linens that line the bed, throwing my head back. "Make me come again."

He laps at me, his fingers probing my inner walls before he hones in on the spot that he knows will throw me into the middle of another powerful orgasm. My hands reach for his hair. I wind my fingers into the strands, reveling in the softness. I twist his head sharply to the left coaxing his tongue back to my clit. I'm not going to be shy. There's no reason not to take everything I can from this. He's eager to please. I'm eager to come.

"Christ, you're a tight one."

The words only spur me on more. This is exactly what I need. "Lick my clit," I bite out through a moan. "Lick my fucking clit."

He cups his hands beneath my legs pulling them farther apart before they seek out my breasts. He pinches both nipples in unison as his tongue greedily steals another climax from me.

I scream, not only from the intense pleasure that is racing through each part of me, but from the freedom to feel this deeply. I cling to his hair as he moans into me, lapping greedily at my lust.

"I'm so hard. I have to fuck you." The words aren't tempered. They escape him in a growl that is primitive and speaks of his need to own my body.

I watch as he sheaths his thick cock in a condom, his hand racing over the length not once, but twice. I whimper knowing that it's going to throw me back into an orgasm quickly. I've been imagining it since he lowered himself into the seat next to me on the airplane. I've been thinking about how it will feel since I watched him slowly undress when we got to the room. I've been craving it since his erection brushed against my pussy before he lowered his face to my core.

His mouth covers mine as he edges the tip of his dick over my clit. His lips are smooth, soft and gentle. His tongue glides onto mine as he thrusts his cock into me in one fluid, lust filled violent movement. His rhythm is smooth, confident and controlled.

"Yes," I mutter beneath my breath and into his mouth because my body offers no other choice. I need to express it. I need to feel it.

His hands leap to mine, pushing them into the mattress. "Your cunt is so ready."

My body responds and I'm driven over the edge into an orgasm that grips both of us.

"Fuck, Kayla." His words fall into the air between us. "Kayla, yes."

I arch my back, clench my muscles and sigh as he pumps himself into me over and over, each thrust deeper than the last until he finds his release with my name pouring from his lips.





Chapter 2




"Get on your knees."

I stop. The hot water beating a path down my breasts before it skims over my stomach. I'd slept for hours after he left. He told me the room was mine until noon when the housekeeping staff would arrive. I needed the time. I needed the space and the empty air to think. I'd woken shortly after ten, my body aching from last night. The shower was my last reprieve before I had to face the world, my best friend, and the truth about what had chased me out of Boston.

"You came back." The words are foolish and unnecessary.

"On your knees, Kayla," he says against my shoulder before his lips blaze a path up my neck. "You're going to suck my cock."

My sex aches at the demand. It was my only regret as he walked out the door. "Yes," I whisper as his lips graze over mine.

"I've thought about your beautiful mouth since I fucked you last night."

I move closer to him feeling the unmistakable brush of his cock against my stomach. He reaches for my hand, a gesture that speaks of well-mannered courtesy as I lower myself to my knees.

"I've never seen eyes as blue as yours." His hand slides over my chin. "Look at me when you suck it."

I nod as I grab the thick root with my hand. My lips open slightly kissing the very tip. The head is wide, spongy and gorgeous. I pull my tongue down the length, feeling the vein that is pulsing beneath my touch.

"Take it now. Suck it hard." The words have a firm bite to them. "Look at me, Kayla."

My eyes lock on his as I take his cock into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tip. I murmur around his flesh as I find my rhythm.

"Goddamn, you know how to suck cock." The words are heavy with desire. "I'm going to fuck your mouth so hard."

The promise is only tempered by the space. He leans back slightly, resting his back against the subway tile that surrounds the bathtub. His hands tangle within the long strands of my dark hair. I murmur slightly at the slight rush of pain when he pulls on it.

"Like that, Kayla," he hisses into the rushing stream of water that is bearing down on my side. "Suck it hard."

I up the tempo, my hand racing seamlessly up and down the length while my head bobs in unison pulling him deeper with each thrust of his hips. He's fucking my mouth hard, the sounds escaping his lips pulling even more desire from me.

"Fuck. Oh fuck. Suck it like that." Each of the words falls into the other between low groans. "Christ, Kayla. I'm going to come."

I pull back slightly as he rams his ass into the tiles trying to dislodge his cock from my mouth. I hold steady, my fists still wrapped tightly around it. I gaze up at him, staring directly into his eyes.

"I'm coming," he hisses loudly. "Coming."

I lick my lips as the first stream hits them. I hold him steady capturing every drop on my tongue and my lips.

"Holy fuck." His eyes bore into me watching every movement I make. "Jesus."



***



"Are you from New York or Boston?" His voice is tranquil now. He's come down from the edge. He's dressed in a different suit than last night. This one is navy blue. The white dress shirt he's wearing unbuttoned enough to show a hint of the smooth skin of his chest.

I debate before I answer. "I'm from Boston," I offer in a low tone.

"You're just visiting here?" He reaches towards the floor. His hand elegantly pulling at the edge of the scarf that I'd dropped when I'd undressed last night.

I take it from him with a slight nod of my head. "I'm moving back here."

"You've lived here before?"

I stare at him unsure of whether he's making small talk to avoid the uncomfortable silence that drifts between two strangers after they've shared an exchange that intimate. "I did, briefly," I whisper into the scarf that I've now pulled around my neck.

His eyes drop from my face to the floor. "I grew up in Boston. I like New York more."

I hate Boston. "I do too, "I say slowly. I will like it more. I have to. I don't want to go back there.

"I'm driving today." His hand dips into the pocket of his pants. I hear the clink of keys as he shuffles them within his palm. "Is there somewhere I can drop you?"

I study his face. The curve of his brow and the strength in his jawline is familiar. I've seen his face before. "Have we met before?"

His brown eyes meet mine. "I would remember meeting you."

"You're sure?" I push back wanting to make the connection. I'd fucked a few boys in college but he's older than me. There's no way he's twenty-three-years-old too. The way he carries himself is different. His clothing suggests he's wealthier than someone who would normally stay in a room like this. The realization of that stings a touch. I instantly wonder if he brings all the women he fucks here or if there's another, more comfortable, place for those he deems worthy.

"We haven't met." His eyes avoid mine. "I have to get to work."

The natural reaction would be to ask where that is. I should want to know how he fills his days and what those perfectly manicured hands do that affords him the expensive watch around his wrist and the silver cufflinks that pop into view every now and again beneath the cuff of his jacket.

I shuffle slightly on my feet, pulling on the hem of the blue sweater I'm wearing. I should thank him. How do I do that? Do I tell him that I appreciate the orgasms? Do I applaud him for gifting me with the talents of his tongue? "Thank you for letting me stay here last night."

"Kayla?" My name falls from his lips in a low rasp. "You have somewhere to go, don't you?"

"Yes." I have a place I can go to. I don't belong anywhere right now.

"You're sure?" Concern blankets over his expression. "You can stay here for a few days if you need to."

Pity. It's there in his eyes. I see it. "I'm sure," I lie. It's not a complete lie. My best friend will take me in. She'll hold me while I cry over Parker's rejection. She'll make me laugh with stories of the moments in college when life felt easy and the future seemed uncomplicated.

"Last night was fun." He stands in place, his back to the door. "I'm glad we met."

I'm glad we fucked.

Those are the words I'm tempted to say. I am glad he took my body and mind to a place where nothing but pleasure mattered for a few moments. I'm grateful that I didn't have to immediately face my life again. The pain that had been biting at my chest since Parker left me is dulled now. I don't want that to be temporary. I want today to be the first day when I don't feel suffocated with sadness.

"I need to go to the …" he stops himself. The details of his life outside the walls of this room don't matter. He knows they don't.

I nod, fishing in my purse for my smartphone. I'm not good at this part. I don't know what to say as we walk away into the world again. Our brief encounter will become a fond memory in weeks and the details will be so muddled in a year that I'll struggle to recall his face. I glance at him again. No, wait. I won't forget that face. He's as handsome as any man you'd see layered in a beautiful suit on the pages of a magazine. His hair is cut short, but it's still long enough that a woman's yearning fingers can get lost in it. His jaw is sharp and bold, yet there's a tenderness woven into his smile that is disarming.

He steps towards me, his hand leaping to cup my cheek. His eyes catch mine in a warm gaze. "You're amazing, Kayla. Truly. Amazing."

My lips part slightly as if I'm going to say something back but the words don't come. I just stare at him wanting to soak in every detail.

He leans down and slides his lips over mine in a tender kiss. "I'll never forget you," he whispers against my lips.

"I'll never forget you," I repeat back into his beautiful mouth. I won't. This is a man no woman could ever forget.





Chapter 3




"You can stay here as long as you want." Alexa reaches to hand me a trio of soft, white towels. "You can use these to have a shower now, and then you'll always find some in the cabinet in your bathroom."

I'm grateful for the hospitality, but more than that I welcome the literal and figurative embrace she's given me since I walked through her door fifteen minutes ago. She wasn't expecting me. Her face was a twisted mix of joy and confusion when I stepped off the elevator and into her arms. Alexa Jackson is one of my closest friends. She knows my heart. She understands the sacrifices I made when I left New York three months ago to go back to Boston.

"Where's Noah?" I ask, not necessarily out of curiosity, as much as greed. I want her all to myself for the day. It's Tuesday, which means she'd normally be at school, teaching her young students about history and science, but it's spring break so her time is mine.

Her face softens. "He's got a few shoots today and then he's meeting his father for a late lunch."

I sigh in relief. Alexa's fiancé is an in demand photographer. Although his core business is now centered on children and infants, he does an occasional spread in a magazine. He's talented, accomplished and very eccentric. My time with him has been limited up to this point but now that I've taken over their guest room, I'll be seeing a lot more of him.

"Do you want to talk about Parker?" The effortless ease with which she says his name tears through me. I haven't been able to utter his name since he walked out of our apartment. I've avoided every image or reminder of him.

I lower myself to the edge of the queen sized bed I'll be calling my refuge until I can sort through my life. "There's not much to talk about."

She settles next to me, her hand reaching for mine. She cradles it gently in her lap. "Is it over?"

I hear the words clearly. I don't react. I just stare at her hand and the large diamond ring that is catching the natural sunlight streaming through the window. She's going to plan her wedding soon. She'll marry the man of her dreams and her life will start on its course towards a happily-ever-after that she rightly deserves. I deserve it too though and now I have to confess that my prince charming pulled the rug out from under me without any warning.

"Did you have a fight?" she presses.

I can't blame her for wanting to know. The last time we spoke was barely more than a week ago when I told her of my plans to visit New York with Parker in tow. I wanted to hold his hand in Central Park and feel his lips brush against mine while we soaked in the view atop the Empire State Building. I wanted his body to give me pleasure in a bed in a decadent hotel on the Upper West Side. I wanted to experience life with him.

I squeeze her hand slightly drawing strength from the familiar touch. "Parker left me." The words float off my tongue and into the stillness of the mid-morning air. "He left me, Alexa."

Her eyes dart to my face and I watch as they race over my features. "No, Kayla. He wouldn’t do that."

"He did," I bite back in a tone that speaks of the pain. It's the same overwhelming pain that I've been carrying within me for the past week. "He's gone."

"What happened?"

I draw in a quick breath hoping that it will offer some inspiration. "I don't know. He just said he wasn't happy."

"He wasn’t happy with you?"

I nod. I'd replayed Parker's words over and over in my mind since he told me he wanted to find himself and his own happiness. The words were a poorly crafted excuse for him to start fresh without me. They stung just as much as if he would have told me he stopped loving me.

"He begged you to come back to him a few months ago." She holds my hand tighter, squeezing it more. "You left everything here to go be with him."

"I know." I swallow hard. "He told me he couldn't live without me."

Those were the exact words that Parker had muttered through the phone when he'd called me just a few months ago while I was just settling into my life in Manhattan. We'd broken up time and time again after meeting in high school. My heart always knew that we'd find our way back to one another and when he finally called that wintery evening to profess his unwavering devotion, I had packed up everything to be with him. Now, only twelve short weeks later, he was gone and I was back in New York.

"Maybe he was just panicked because he loves you so much."

They're words meant to placate women with broken hearts. The idea behind them is romantic and charming and conjures up an image of a man so overwrought with the knowledge that his heart belongs to a certain woman that he can't bear it. It's not a notion that is seated in any kind of reality. Parker didn't leave me because he loves me. He left me because he's a worthless piece of shit and is too immature to be honest about his feelings.

"It's over, Lex." I pull my hand from hers. "I'm going to put it behind me."

The skepticism floating over her expression isn't masked at all. "You can't just shut off your feelings like that."

She's right. I can't. I can decide to push them aside while I rebuild my life. That needs to be my sole focus right now. If I give in to the overwhelming pain I feel over Parker pushing my life into freefall mode, I'll be paralyzed. I'll hide within myself and I won't move forward. I'm not about to give him that much control over me.

"I need to find a job and a place." A change of subject never hurt anyone. In my case, it may actually dull the pain of talking about Parker.

"You know what they say about break ups, right?" She tilts her head to the side as she pulls a hand through her long blond hair.

"Oh, God." I can't help but chuckle. "Just tell me."

"They say…" she begins before pulling her arm around my shoulder. "They say that you need to date again right away to forget the old love."

"Date?" I shake my head. There's no way in hell I'm dating anytime soon.

"Or fuck," she says with a giggle. "You should find a guy to sleep with. It needs to be someone really hot. If you do that you'll forget about Parker like that." She pulls her fingers together in a snap.

I should tell her. I should tell her about Ben but I stop myself before the words reach my tongue. I want Ben to my secret. I want to hold onto the feeling of being wanted in such a primitive way. I want to hold it close. I want the memory to be mine and only mine.





Chapter 4




"I'm surprised to see you back so soon," Vivian, my former boss, and hopefully soon-to-be present boss, tilts her glasses onto the bridge of her nose as she stares at me.

Hear that noise? That's the sound of me swallowing my pride. Vivian was the one who told me that giving up a promising career, as an account executive at Rainer & Winslow, for a man was a mistake. Good on Vivian for having the foresight to see that my boyfriend was a loser. Not so good on me for not listening to her mini lecture about how he wouldn’t sacrifice as much for me. Now, I'm back with my tail between my legs begging for my old position back.

"Things didn't work out in Boston," I say through a thin smile.

She pulls her glasses off completely now. Why do I feel like this is about to get serious? "We've already filled your position, Kayla."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"I'm not surprised." I am surprised. Vivian isn't the most organized woman on this planet. I'm mildly shocked that she had the wherewithal to screen prospective applicants, interview them and then fill the position. When I worked for her, I was amazed most days when she tore her attention away from the movies she typically had streaming on her computer to give me a task to do.

Her eyes dart to her laptop screen and I wonder briefly if an episode of her favorite detective drama is pulling her attention away. "I need an assistant."

I push myself closer to the edge of the chair I'm sitting in. I need that. I'll take that. I don't care what it pays or what the responsibilities are. "I'd make a great assistant," I say a little too exuberantly.

"You know what?" Her gaze settles back on me. "I think you're right."

My shoulders sway forward. "I'd appreciate the chance to show you what a great asset I can be."

Her face softens as a small smile pulls at the corner of her lips. "You've already done that, Kayla."

I don’t want to sound too eager but she's handing me a golden ticket out of Alexa and Noah's guest room. I've only been there five days but I already feel like a third wheel. "When can I start?"

She tips her head back a touch as she pulls her glasses back on. "Monday will be fine. I can pay you the same as what you were getting when you left but the workload will be more."

I know it will be. I'm suddenly aware that it's very likely that I'll not only be shouldering whatever she throws my way but a lot of her work too. Normally, I'd balk at the added responsibility but it's exactly what I need right now. "I'm ready to take on anything."

Her expression shifts slightly as she leans back. "I'm going to hold you to that."

I don’t question what she means. I don’t care right now. All I know is that this is the first step in getting my life and future back.



***



"Do you think you'll live alone or will you get a roommate?" Alexa's eyes scan the pint sized kitchen of the walk up we're currently touring in Murray Hill.

"If I live here, I can do it alone." I try not to say the words with as much distaste as I feel. This is nothing like the last place I called home in Manhattan. Back then Alexa was my roommate before she moved in with Noah. Once she left, I found another girl to share the expenses with right away. After I'd bolted back to Boston, my room was quickly handed over to the next person with a rent check in hand.

She picks up a dated rug that is thrown on the hardwood floors. "I like that it's furnished."

I do too. It's not my ideal neighborhood. The décor looks like it came right out of the eighties, but it's comfortable and safe. "I think I should take it."

"Do you need me to help you with the damage deposit or first month's rent?"

It's a question born out of our friendship, not her desire to get me out of her place. "I can handle it."

"You're sure?" she asks through a smile. "I want to help if I can."

I reach for her shoulders, pulling her into a warm embrace. "You've helped me a lot the past two weeks."

"You've lost weight." Her eyes rake over my thin frame. "You're skinnier now than you were when you got here."

I am. I haven't had an appetite. Food, sleep and a quiet mind have been in short supply. Even though Alexa has cooked delicious meals for me the past few weeks I haven't been able to stomach the taste. I'm not sick. Physically, there's nothing wrong with me. I finally feel as though I'm being lifted out of the fog of emotions that I experienced after my break up with Parker. I can see the future now, even if it means moving into this apartment that is three subway stops away from her place.

"We'll go out to celebrate your new place with Noah tonight." She claps her hands together. "I can fix you up with someone from work if you want to make it a double date."

I visibly wince at the words. "I'm not into teachers," I tease.

"This one is hot. His name is Doug. You'll like him."

I study her face. There's a hopeful glint in her eyes. She wants this for me. She wants to push me into my future with full force. "What does he look like?" It's shallow but it's important. The last thing I want is to be with a man who physically resembles Parker in any way.

The question doesn't rattle her at all. "He's about average height I guess. He's got blonde hair, and blue eyes." Her hand darts to her chin. "He has a beard and he's ripped."

"How would you know if he's ripped?" I tap my foot against the faded throw rug. "You're making that up."

She pats me on my elbow. "I'm not." She grins. "He wears tight t-shirts sometimes. All I can say is wow."

"Wow?" I parrot back.

"Wow," she repeats, her brows jumping up.

"I don't know, Lex." The knot that is overtaking my stomach is reason enough for me to derail this plan. "It's really soon."

"It's a dinner." She pushes my hair back over my shoulders. "One dinner. It's not like you're marrying the guy."

"I'll do it," I whisper. "I guess I'll do it."





Chapter 5




Doug gestures towards Noah with a nod of his chin. "What's with his face?"

Any desire that may have been edging its way to the surface is lost with that one question. "What do you mean?" I whisper back. "What are you talking about?"

I know exactly what he means. Noah Foster was stabbed years ago and now the ever-present reminder of that juts down the length of his face. I've grown so accustomed to it that I don't even register it anymore when I look at him. It doesn't define him in any way but brash, thoughtless comments like the ones that Doug just made tear through Noah still. I've seen it happen in the past.

"Something is wrong with his face."

Something is wrong with your sense of decency, jerk.

"It's a scar," I point out the obvious.

"How did he get that?"

Alexa turns her attention away from Noah to lock eyes with me. She's sitting next to Doug. There's absolutely no way she hasn't tuned in to the current conversation Doug is straining to have with me.

"Do you like being a teacher?" I pull the question out of the back of my mind because I don’t want to make a scene. Axel NY is one of the most expensive restaurants in Manhattan. It's a place where you wear your Sunday best and put on a brilliant smile.

"It's alright." He reaches for his water glass. His arm brushes against mine and I feel absolutely nothing from the touch.

"Doug received the teacher of the month award in January," Alexa chimes in. "It's kind of a big deal."

"Congratulations," I offer because it's expected. This is a mistake. I wish I were back in my bed at Alexa's apartment. I knew it was too soon to venture into the dating world again. I was happy just sitting back watching that world pass me by.

"Sure, thanks." His eyes scan the room before they settle on me.

"Kayla just got a new job." Alexa is bound and determined to push this date over a cliff. Is it not obvious by the way I'm avoiding eye contact with him that I'm not having the time of my life here?

"Do you have a sister?" His fingers glide over mine.

I pull my hand back so abruptly that my wine glass teeters precariously for a second before I reach to balance it. "Why?"

Noah clears his throat looking for someone's attention. I'll happily give him mine. I look up and our eyes lock. He cocks a brow before a wide grin overtakes his handsome face. "Kayla has a brother."

I'm surprised that he knows that much about me. Our conversations have always involved Alexa. "Damn." Doug's fist hits the table lightly. "I have a friend who is looking for a girl just like you. I thought if you had a sister we could all hang out."

If I had a sister I'd hide her in a closet until the perfect man came into her life. Dating sucks.

"Sorry," I shrug scanning the room in hopes I'll find the waiter so I can order something strong enough to get me through the dessert course.

"I have a sister," Alexa offers because she's always the extra helpful one. "She's married though."

"What about you, Noah?" Doug's eyes blaze a path across Noah's face. "Do you have a sister?"

"I don't." He taps his finger on the edge of the table. "I have a brother."

"He has a twin brother." Alexa turns sharply to stare at him. "A fraternal twin brother I've never met."

He tilts his head towards her before scooping her hand in his. "We're not close."

"I'm still waiting for you to explain that to me." Her voice cracks.

"We'll talk about it later." Noah's deep voice carries softly over the table. "Now is not the time."

Her head bows towards her lap. I watch her shoulders quiver. I want to reach to comfort her but Doug is in the way. She's told me about Noah's brother. I've heard the story about how he offered the information with a caveat about how they haven't spoken to one another in years. He's not a part of Noah's life. Alexa's love for Noah runs deep. She wants to understand every facet of who he is, including the brother that he'd rather forget.

"Alexa?" I whisper her name in her direction.

"I'm fine." The words don't match her body language at all. She's gripping the linen napkin that was beside her plate in her hands, wringing it recklessly. "Will he come to our wedding? It's only three months away now. You should fix things with him before then."

Noah shakes his head slightly as a muted curse word leaves his lips. "I'm not having this conversation here, Alexa."

"I'm not having it unless it's here. We have to send out the invitations soon." Her head juts up. Her expression is stoic and determined. I've seen that look before. Alexa is out for answers and Noah is going to have to give them to her.

"Maybe we should go." I reach to grab Doug's hand and instantly regret it. It suggests I want to be alone with him. I don't want that. As much as I want to chase away Parker's memory, Doug isn't going to help me do that. I'm not attracted to him at all.

He's on his feet in an instant. "We can go to my place."

Um, no. No, we cannot.

"Stay." Noah's hand flies over the table. "Don’t take off."

I look to Alexa for confirmation of his words. She's frustrated. I can see it when her eyes meet mine.

"I think we should go," I whisper as I follow Doug's lead and pull myself to my feet, teetering slightly in the nude heels I paired with the navy dress I have on.

I stare at Alexa seeing gratitude there. She's taken so much pride in the openness within her relationship with Noah. The knowledge that he has a brother that she's never met pains her because soon his twin will be her family too.

"We'll see you at home later?" Noah nods towards me, the words filled with a trace of warmth.

I look at Doug and his overly eager grin. Fuck. I have to walk out of this restaurant with him and keep myself occupied for a few hours before I can go back to Alexa and Noah's place. They need time alone. It's only another two days until I move into my own apartment but right now that feels like an endless eternity. "I'll be there."

"This way, my lady." Doug pulls my arm through his. "I'm going to give you an evening you'll never forget."

Great. This evening has officially gone from bad to hell.





Chapter 6




"I thought we'd go back to my place."

His hand snakes around my waist as the words leave his lips. We've been in this club for more than an hour and my plan to distract Doug with the numerous women all bumping and grinding against him hasn't worked at all. He's still hell bent on taking me back to his apartment.

"This is so fun," I lie through clenched teeth. This is not fun at all. I have to be at work at eight in the morning. I'm tired. I'm aggravated and I'm sick of feeling Doug's hands pawing all over my semi expensive dress.

His breath feels hot over my neck. "We'd have more fun if were alone. I'd love to screw you."

You'd love to screw me? Aren't you a gentleman? Images of a quick few thrusts before he passes out on top of me flash across my mind.

"You should dance." I point towards a group of women gathered on the dance floor. They came to get fucked, or in Doug's case screwed by a teacher. "Get out there."

"Nah." His hand moves higher racing over the bottom of my breast. "Let's go."

"I'm not going home with you." I take a step forward. "It's not happening."

He's around me in an instant, his hands latching tightly to my hips. "I'm not asking for anything but a roll in the hay."

An actual, literal roll in the hay would likely feel better than climbing all over his hot, sweaty body at this point. "You're a nice guy but I'm not interested."

"Why not?" he snaps. "What's wrong with me?"

It's a question that deserves an honest answer. I don’t have one. It's not that he's not attractive. Many women would chase after him in a heartbeat. It's not that sex with him wouldn't be fun. It might actually be better than I'm envisioning. It's just that there's nothing there. I feel absolutely no draw towards him. Jumping into bed for the sake of feeling wanted isn't something I can do anymore.

"There's nothing wrong with you," I say assuredly. "You're great. I'm just not ready yet."

"Is it because of a break up?" His bottom lip juts out in a frown. "Did you dump your boyfriend?"

I glance into his eyes and see a flash of understanding. "Something like that," I offer back. It's semantics at this point. It doesn't matter whether Parker dumped me or I dumped him. What matters is that it's over.

"That's killer." His hand darts to his chest. "My girlfriend dumped me for another guy last year. I'm still getting over it."

Who knew? Who knew that we shared a similar pain?

"Does it get easier?" I lean in closer. "Does the pain go away?"

He nods as his hand races to my arm. "Every day it gets better."

I want to believe him. I do believe him. I feel better today than I felt when I first stepped off the plane weeks ago.

"So?" The words hold way too much expectation. "My place?"

I brush my lips softly across his cheek before taking a step back. "Not a chance."



***



I exit the club onto the street and into the late, cool evening air. I shiver slightly wishing I had thought far enough ahead to grab a sweater before I left Alexa's apartment hours ago. My eyes scan the scene outside the club. It's near midnight now and the throngs of people waiting in line to get inside have only increased. The hum of their voices as they mingle and connect before ever hitting the dance floor wafts through the air. I don't know how I'm going to jump back into that. I'll need to at some point. Meeting men in Manhattan isn't as easy as it looks.

"Kayla?"

The voice that calls my name is rough and deep. It's not Doug. This voice carries more confidence. I whip around on my heel, my eyes scanning over the crowd behind me. I don't recognize any of the faces.

"Kayla." It calls to me again, louder this time. A hand juts above a group of people standing near the entrance to the club.

I step towards the voice trying desperately to place it. I briefly dated a few men before I moved back to Boston. Right now, I can't recall any of them. Please let it be someone from work.

He steps forward, the crowd parting to let him through. I notice her first. She's a beautiful brunette, slightly taller than I am, her hand clenched tightly in his. She's wearing a fitted red dress, the neckline so low that her cleavage is on display. Her lipstick is bold. It matches the hue of the dress. She flashes a set of perfect white teeth before her gaze travels up to his face.

"Ben," I say his name for the first time.

He leans forward to brush his lips over my cheek. "It's great to see you."

I step back out of sheer need. My body aches just from the soft touch of his lips on my skin. "It's nice to see you too."

"Who is this?" The woman attached to his hand nods towards me, her voice shaded with a European accent. "How do you know her?"

"This is Kayla." His hand drops hers. "We met a few weeks ago."

She stares at him. "Where did you meet?"

His eyes don't leave my face. "It was on a flight from Boston."

I instantly see relief wash over her. "You're visiting New York?" Her hand reaches to skim over my arm. "You like it here?"

"I live here now." I don't move even though her touch is making me incredibly uncomfortable. Her reaction to his vague response about us meeting on a flight quieted something within her. She was jealous. I could sense it within her eyes but it's gone now.

"Really?" She claps her hands together as if that's the best news she's heard all day. "Do you need a guide to show you around?"

Great. The girlfriend of the best fuck I've ever had wants to be my bestie. I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today.

"Kayla has lived here before." His tone is low.

I turn my head to look at him. He's exactly as I remember him save for the stubble that's now covering his jaw. He's dressed differently though. Gone are the designer suits. Tonight he's dressed in a black sweater and jeans. I'm not sure I would have recognized if I spotted him in the crowd.

"I'm Mickey." Her hand darts into mine. "It's nice to meet you."

"Kayla," I say my name even though I know she's well aware of it. "It's good to meet you too."

"You'll come inside for a drink, yes?" She motions towards the entrance of the club.

I glance at it briefly before I shake my head. "No. I'm actually on my way home. I was already inside."

"That's a shame." Her overzealous pout isn't lost on me. There's another wave of relief washing over her. She wants Ben to herself. I can't blame her.

"Have fun," I say without any meaning at all attached to it. She's going to go into that club and dance with him, then she'll get into a bed with him and experience all the pleasure I felt. Damn her. Damn my life right now.

"Another time, yes?" She leans forward before her lips brush against my left cheek, and then the right.

"Sure thing." I look towards the street in search of an available taxi. "I need to be going."

Ben's hand reaches for my elbow just as I turn to leave. "Let me hail you a cab, Kayla."

"That's not necessary," I quip. I don’t want to prolong my internal agony for another moment. It's torturous knowing my moment with him has passed. I don't want to remember the way his body felt as he took me in that bed. I can't think about the way his lips tasted as they pulled my desire to the surface.

"I insist." His breath roams across my shoulder. "I'll find you inside, Mickey."

With an animated sigh she turns to rejoin the group. Her silence is a clear indicator that he'll need to do damage control once he's said goodnight to me.

"You don't need to do this," I say as I walk towards the crowded curb.

He leans into me, his hand circling my waist. "We'll have more luck if we walk a block over."

I study his face, taking in the smooth lines. His dark eyes are warm. His mouth is curved into an easy smile.

"Are you settling into life in New York?" He pushes his hands into the front pockets of his dark jeans as he slows to walk at my pace.

I nod, "I am." I don't see the benefit in adding more details. He's being a gentleman. I knew it was part of the fabric of who he was the moment he held the door of the car open for me at the airport.

"You found a place to stay?" It's a question that isn't grounded in curiosity about my current address. The way his eyes are darting over the faces of the people we pass speaks of how little he's invested in my answer.

I motion towards a cab barrelling down Lexington Avenue. "I'll grab that one."

His hand is on my elbow before I can take a step towards the street. "Not yet."

"Not yet?" My heart quickens in my chest. "Why?"

He stops mid step, leaning in close to me. I feel his lips brush over mine in a lush, intimate kiss. The moan the escapes him flows into my body.

On that crowded street in the center of the city, with people rushing around us, I pull my hand into his hair, and kiss him back. It's everything I remember from my first night back in the city. My sex clenches when his tongue pushes between my lips. My body aches when his hand floats along my back to the curve above my ass and my heart stops when I feel his hard cock press into my stomach.

"Come back to the hotel with me." The words fall from him in a heated rush as his lips trail over my neck. "I need to taste you."

I exhale sharply, my breath flowing out in jagged spurts. "I can't." I shake my head.

"You can." His mouth is on my skin again, grazing along my cheek. "I want to be inside of you."

"Mickey," I say her name. "You have a girlfriend."

I feel his hand clench into a fist on my back. "No. She's not that."

I push against him to no avail. My hands rest on his chest. "She's your girlfriend."

"No," he repeats the protest. "Mickey is just a woman I sometimes…"

I don't want to hear the word. I don't want the image floating into my thoughts the next time I'm in the bed touching myself while I think about him. "I need to go home."

"Let's go for a drink." He pushes his hands into my hair. "Please don’t go. I've thought about you for weeks. Tonight is the first night I've been out since then. It's fate that we're here together."

I want the words to have truth woven into them. I stare at him. He knows what he's doing to me. He knows that his hands bring up needs that only he can satisfy. He sees the untethered desire that I feel for him floating over my expression. It's there. It's not hidden or veiled beneath anything.

"Kayla," he says my name into my lips. "I can't let you go yet."

I lean forward knowing that I should get in the next taxi that passes by us. I push my lips into his fearing that after tonight I'll never see him again. I cup his cheek in my hand as I give in to the desire and the desperate need that is inside of me to taste him one last time.

"What the hell are you doing, Ben?" I hear her voice behind me. It's shrill, it's loud and it penetrates the one moment in time I want to last.

"Shit," he says through a nervous chuckle. "Let's get out of here."

He reaches for my hand, pulling it into his. I fumble with my clutch trying to keep up with him as we both laugh out loud at Mickey's curse filled rant wafting through the air behind us. I turn to look back. I feel my heel catch in a sidewalk grate. My hand escapes his, as my purse flies into the air and my face hits the pavement with a dull and empty thud.





Chapter 7




"Kayla. Kayla, can you hear me?" A woman's voice tears through the immeasurable pain in my head. It sounds as though she's screaming at me. What the hell is her problem?

My eyes dart open and I'm instantly aware that I'm not in bed at Alexa's. This room is bright. The large light above my head is shining directly into my face.

"Kayla. Kayla Monroe?" She repeats my name. "Do you know your name?"

If I didn't, I'd guess it was Kayla Monroe just by her incessant need to repeat it over and over again to me.

"Yes," I whisper through a swollen lip. "I'm Kayla."

Her hand brushes over my forehead. "Don't move. I'll get the doctor."

"The doctor?" I try to raise my hand to touch my forehead. It's burning. I feel as though I fell asleep with my face inside of a frying pan. "What doctor?"

I sense movement beside me. Where's Alexa? I need her.

"Kayla?" It's a man now. His voice is deep and gentle. It's familiar.

I turn my head slowly towards him. I remember him. He's handsome. We kissed. "Ben," I say his name. I remember his name.

"You're going to be fine." He leans down to run his finger over my lip. "Nothing is broken. You didn't need any stitches."

"Why are you here?" I try to look behind him for another familiar face. "Did I get hurt?"

He nods slowly, his eyes darting beside me to a nurse standing next to the bed. I don't flinch as she grips my wrist to take my pulse.

"Her pulse is ninety-two." I listen as she shuffles with papers. "She's stabilizing."

"Give her four hundred milligrams of ibuprofen and get someone from admitting down here," Ben directs her. "She needs to be monitored tonight."

Why is he saying those things? I turn to watch her walk quickly past one of the curtains that surrounds the bed. I'm in the hospital. I try to sit up. I can't be here. I need to be at work in the morning. I need to tell Alexa where I am so she doesn't panic.

"I have to go." I try to swing my legs over the side of the bed. "I need to go home."

"You can't leave." His hands push me back down. "You're seriously hurt."

"I want to talk to the doctor." I feel my lip quiver. "Go get the doctor."

He shakes his head slightly. I watch him take a heavy swallow. "I'm your doctor."

"What?" I bolt back to a sitting position.

He steadies my balance with his hands on my shoulders. "You fell, Kayla. I brought you here. I'm your attending physician."

"You're not a doctor," I blurt the words out quickly without any thought. I don't know who he is. Could he be a doctor?

"I'm a doctor." He points to the identification badge clipped to the front of his sweater. "I work here."

My eyes scan the badge. I can't focus on the writing. It's blurry. "This isn't real." I feel panic race through me.

"I'm Dr. Ben Foster."

"Foster?" I shake my head certain that I misheard him. "As in the Noah Foster?"

"No, Ben Foster. I'm not Noah. Noah is a photographer. You probably saw a story about him online or in one of the papers," he says gruffly. "My name is Ben. You and I met several weeks ago. You may feel temporarily confused because of the impact of your fall. That will…"

"Do you know Noah Foster?" I interrupt him.

"Do you know him?" It's a challenge woven into a nervous chuckle.

My eyes don't leave his face. He knows Noah. I see it now. That's who he looks like. "I know him," I offer quietly. "He loves my best friend."

"Noah is in love?"

I nod slowly. "You're related to Noah, aren't you? You look like him."

His expression doesn't change but his eyes give something away. "You need to rest."

My hand darts to my mouth and I wince at the brush of my fingers against my swollen lip. "You're him, aren’t you?"

I see the resignation in his expression the moment the question leaves my lips. "I'm who?" he asks, frustration lacing his tone. "Who do you think I am?"

"You're Noah's twin brother."

He scrubs the back of his neck with his right hand. "Yes. Noah Foster is my brother."

"I live with him," I offer although the moment I say the words I realize the implied meaning in them.

"You what?" His brow cocks with the question. "You live with my brother?"

I pull my hands together as I see the nurse push the curtain aside again. This time she's holding a rectangular tray in her hands. She reaches to hand me a paper cup containing two small pills. I tenderly take it, popping both of them into my mouth. She replaces the cup with one filled with water. I grimace as the liquid touches my open lip before I swallow it. The bitter taste of blood floats over my tongue.

"I need you to call Noah," I say as much to the nurse as to Ben. "He'll be worried about where I am. I mean, Alexa will be worried."

Ben's hand flies over me towards the nurse. "I'll handle this."

She hesitates before she turns on her heel, walks towards the curtain and disappears behind it. I lean back instantly aware that I have to explain to Alexa that I had a one night stand with Noah's brother. He's the brother that she's been longing to meet for months and I hooked up with him.

"I can't believe you're Noah's brother," I mutter the words. "They were just talking about you tonight."

"Who was talking about me?" He doesn’t raise his eyes to meet mine. He's holding a tablet in his hands, his fingers jutting over the screen quickly.

"Noah and his fiancé." My eyes sting with tears. My head is throbbing, my lip feels bigger than my entire face and I know that tomorrow my new job will be in jeopardy because Vivian won't have anyone to run to the corner deli to get her a sandwich. "Can I please just go home?"

"Wait." His index finger taps my hand. "Did you just say Noah is engaged?"

Why am I the one providing all of this information to him? Shouldn't Noah be sharing the news of his impending marriage with his twin brother? I don't want to be caught in the middle of this. It's bad enough that I have to explain to Alexa and Noah that I crawled into bed with Ben without knowing his last name. I'm ashamed, I'm embarrassed and I want to get this entire mess out in the open as soon as I can.

"When is he getting married?" His fingers brush against my forehead. "What's she like?"

I can't do this. I feel as though I'm betraying Lex. I'm giving this man information that should be coming from her. "You should talk to Noah."

His hand leaps to his own forehead. His index finger traces a pointed path along his brow. "I haven't spoken to Noah in years. I can't talk to him."

My loyalty isn't to him. Once I walk through the doors of this hospital and back into my life, our connection will cease to exist. I'm a one night stand with a complication in the form of a head wound. "I can't talk about Noah to you. I need to call him and Alexa now."

"Is there someone else you can call?" he asks, pulling on the collar of his sweater.

"No," I concede. "I'm staying with them. They'll be worried about me."

He exhales audibly. "Let me think for a minute."

I sense immediately the anxiety that has overtaken him. It's the same reaction Noah had at the restaurant when Alexa pressed him about his brother.

"Just please let me call them." I sit up swiftly again, my hand bolting to the edge of the bed for stability. "Can't they take care of me tonight?"

The darkness around his eyes lifts. "No, but I can."





Chapter 8




"I thought you were going to take me to the hotel." I hold steady to his arm as he guides me into an apartment with a Park Avenue address. "You live here, don't you?"

"Yes," he quietly acquiesces. "That hotel is a shit hole. I won't stay there."

The words bite although they shouldn’t. This is the place he raced to after he'd fucked me that night weeks ago. He'd left me there because I was a random that wasn't worthy of this.

I stay silent as he flips on the light switch. The room fills with warm light giving me my first glimpse into his real world. The space is opulent and masculine. Rich dark furniture sets the tone. Beautiful artwork hangs from the walls, which are painted a deep shade of gray. It matches what I imagined it to be to a tee.

"What did Noah say when you called him?" His hand is pressing on my lower back, guiding me further into the space.

I'm surprised by his restraint. He'd stood just feet away from me near the entrance to the hospital as I called Alexa. She hadn't answered so I left a brief voicemail telling her that I was out for the night but would be home after work tomorrow. Ben's insistence that he call my boss, Vivian, in the morning directly to explain what happened quashed my fears about my job. He'd explain my injuries and my need for rest. I'd be back at the office the day after tomorrow, no worse for wear.

"I didn't speak to him." I run my hand across my forehead. "How long do I have to wear this bandage?"

"Did you talk… did you talk to his fiancé?" He clears his throat. "Alexa, right?"

I nod slowly. Watching his mouth move as her names leaves his lips seems foreign to me. "I left her a message."

"You need to rest." His hand circles my waist. "I can help you undress and get into bed."

I feel exposed at the mention of getting undressed. "I can do it myself."

"No." His hand motions towards a hallway. "I'll help."

I don't argue the point. It's not as though he hasn't seen me nude before. Besides that, he's a doctor. Christ, he's a fucking doctor and Noah's brother. I still can't fathom how I went from sitting next to a stranger on a flight to standing in the apartment of Noah's twin waiting for him to undress me.

"How long have you known him?" His hand brushes over the zipper at the back of my dress as we enter a dimly lit bedroom.

"Noah?"

He pushes his hands over my shoulders, grabbing the neckline of the dress. "When did you meet him?"

"A year ago," I sigh as his hands skim my skin taking the dress with them. "Maybe it was longer."

His breath catches as my white bra and panties come into full view. "Is he happy?"

I close my eyes when I feel his fingers deftly undo the clasp of my bra. "Yes, he's happy."

His hands move down, gliding over my stomach before stopping at the edge of my panties. "What's she like?"

I lean back into him. My body betraying my need to stay focused in the moment. "Alexa?"

"Yes," he takes a step forward, pulling me into him. "Is she like you?"

I chuckle at the thought. "We're not the same."

He turns me around effortlessly until I'm facing him. "Is she good to him?"

"She loves him," I offer. "You should meet her. You'd like her."

He shakes his head. "I can't," he murmurs.

"Why?" I reach for his arm, a wave of dizziness overtaking me. "I need to sit."

"No." His lips graze across my forehead. "You need to sleep."

I don't protest as he helps me into a king size bed. I snuggle into the sheets, reveling in the softness of their touch against my bare skin. "I'm tired," I whimper into the pillow.

"I'll need to wake you during the night." His breath traces across my neck. "I'll be gentle."

I barely hear the words as my mind quiets and the gentle hum of sleep overtakes me.



***



"Do you remember anything from last night?" His lips are almost touching mine.

I lazily open my eyes to see his face. His head is resting gently on the pillow next to me. His hair pushed into a matted mess. How can he look this gorgeous after sleeping? "Your girlfriend was chasing us." I push my bottom lip out. "Her name is Minnie or Donald, something like that."

He pushes his tongue into his top lip to hold back a grin. "She's not my girlfriend and her name is Mickey."

"Right." I dip my chin in his direction. "She's your girlfriend."

"I've fucked her once or twice months ago."

"You can't remember how many times?" I pull the sheet around me.

"Honestly, no, I can't remember how many times or even what it was like." He shrugs. "We were just going to have some fun at the club with a few of her friends."

"She's territorial." It's a polite way of saying she's certifiably nuts.

"She's bat shit crazy." A wide grin takes over his mouth. "I deleted her number from my phone. I need to stay as far away from her as I can."

I reach up to run my hand over my forehead. "When can I take the bandage off?"

"I'll check on it shortly." He moves closer, the smooth skin of his chest resting against my breasts. "Tell me how you're feeling."

"My head hurts." I close my eyes, finding instant relief from the pain. "Will the headaches last long?"

"I'll get you something for that." He pulls back, swinging his long legs over the edge of the bed.

I watch in silence as he stands. His nude body is on display. He doesn’t try to shield anything as he leaves the room. I close my eyes until I hear his footsteps near the doorway again.

I don’t argue as he helps me sit up. I take the two pills he hands me without question, washing them down with a long swallow from a chilled bottle of water.

"That will help." He pushes gently on my shoulders. "Rest your head."

I give in to the desire to sink back into the comfort of his bed. "Do you walk around in the nude often?"

"That's a strange question." He tips the bottle of water in my direction before taking a hearty mouthful. "Do you?"

"Noah does," I offer.

"You've seen Noah naked?" He cocks a brow.

"No." I shake my head before I realize the movement isn't helping matters. I feel as though my brain is jumbled. The pain is constant, throbbing and clouding my clear thoughts. "Alexa used to talk about it when they first got together."

He rounds the bed, sliding his tall frame back under the covers. "He wore clothes when I knew him." The meaning behind the words isn't lost on me. He doesn’t feel that he knows Noah anymore. I feel a sense of sadness for both of them.

"When's the last time you saw him?" I don't expect an answer to the question. I don't even know why I asked it.

"I can't remember." He glides his body closer to mine. "It's been many years."

"Do you miss him?" I ask, trying desperately to keep my eyes open.

His lips brush over the tip of my nose. "Sleep, Kayla."

I nod. I can't refuse the request. My body won't let me.





Chapter 9




"I've thought about the way you taste since I met you that night."

I keep my eyes closed. I know that I should be telling him that I can't do this. I know that since I've learned that he's Noah's brother that virtually everything I thought about him has changed, but in this one solitary instant in time, I don't want to carry any knowledge of his connection to Noah. I want to forget it. I want to just be Kayla and I want him to just be Ben.

"Open your eyes, Kayla." His lips feather soft over my cheek. "Let me see your beautiful blue eyes."

I lift my eyelids to peer directly into his intense brown eyes. "What time is it?"

"It's after noon." His hand moves over my breast to my stomach. "You've been asleep for hours."

"My boss." I'm not panicked. He promised he'd call her after I gave him the number last night.

"Vivian." His tongue darts out to trace a path over my bottom lip. "I spoke to her. I explained what happened. You have tomorrow off too."

I'm grateful. I shouldn't be. It's essentially his fault that I smashed my head into the sidewalk. His jealous lover decided to confront us on that street when I lost my footing. "I need to go home now."

"Soon." His hand inches lower, skirting over the top of my panties. "I'll take you there soon."

I nod and close my eyes briefly, letting a slow puff of air escape my lips. "We need to talk about…"

The words are lost within his kiss. His lips are aggressive and smooth as they claim mine. His tongue pushes into my mouth, parting my lips slightly to give it better access. He's as skilled at kissing as he is at fucking.

His hand pushes my panties down slowly, inching them down my long, slim legs. "You're wet for me. You've been wet since I kissed you on the street last night."

The image of that moment floats back into my mind. He promised me one last night in his bed. I wanted it then. So much has changed since then but not my desire for him.

He shifts his body suddenly until he's hovering above me. I look up into his face. I see only small glimpses of Noah there now. I see more of Ben. They're not identical. His jaw is softer than Noah's, his nose broader. Their eyes are the same though. I see the same tortured past in Ben's gaze that I see when I study Noah.

He lowers his head to my breast, pulling my nipple between his teeth. I moan automatically from the touch. His mouth jumps to my stomach as he pulls back his tall frame.

"You're ready for me." His lips touch my smooth folds. "Your cunt is so perfect. It's so wet."

I don't resist as he pulls my legs over his shoulders, his face diving into me. I lean back, my hands gripping the sheets on the bed as his tongue hones in on my clit, circling it with just the right amount of pressure. I close my eyes, riding the unending wave of pleasure that he's giving to me. His tongue pulls me close to the edge, before I settle back down, nearing the brink but not crossing over.

"I want to come," I whimper the words. "I need to."

"You will." He pulls back slightly, pushing a mouthful of air onto my aching clitoris. "You're so swollen, Kayla. You're so close."

My hips buck off the bed, my body in search of his mouth. "Lick it, Ben," I say his name in a heated rush. "Lick it."

"I'll make you come all over my face." He laps at me hungrily, pulling me closer to the orgasm I so desperately need.

"Like that," I call out. "God, yes, like that."

He doesn't stop when I push him away as the pleasure washes through me. He doesn't give in to my insistent pleas to stop after I crash back down. He licks, tempts and pulls another climax from within me before he finally stops, resting his head against my breasts.

"I wish I could fuck you right now." His breath flows across my chilled skin. "I want so badly to feel your cunt around me."

I want that too. I stroke my hand through his hair. "Fuck me," I murmur into the quiet room. "I want it."

He crawls up my body, his long, hard cock rubbing along my leg as he pulls himself up. "I don't have any condoms in my apartment. I don't fuck women here."

Any disappointment I may have felt at the loss of the promise of his cock inside of me is replaced by the quiet satisfaction in knowing that women don't find comfort here. They don't wrap themselves around him while he sleeps. He keeps this part of his life separate and removed from what he does in that small, cramped hotel room.

I don't care that I landed here because I was hurt and the intuitive parts of him that were born to heal want to care for me. I don't care that he sacrificed his sanctuary to keep Noah from finding out about us. I don't care that everything about his life has overlapped and pierced mine.

My hand drops to his thigh, fishing forward searching for his cock. "I can suck you off." The words sound dirty and needy. My breath is still staggered from the high he took me to.

"I have to go to work soon." His lips push into mine stealing a moist, slow kiss. "I want to hold you for a minute."

I move slightly when he lowers himself onto the bed next to me. He scoops his strong arms around me pulling me into his chest. I breathe in the fragrance of his skin, a potent combination of cologne, sweat and my scent.

"I hate that you know him," he whispers into my hair. "I hate that you're part of his life."





Chapter 10




I walk back into the bedroom after soaking my weary body in the strong spray of his shower for the past fifteen minutes. He's dressed in grey slacks and a blue dress shirt. His hair is pushed back from his forehead. He looks different. The authoritative parts of him are on full display in his expression.

"I bought you some clothes when you were asleep earlier." He waves towards a plain white bag sitting atop the bed. "I can’t send you home wearing that dress."

I smile at the thoughtful promise that is hidden beneath the gesture. I open the bag, carefully pulling each garment from within it. Dark wash jeans, a white blouse, new black panties and a pair of flats, size eight.

"How did you know my sizes?" That should have been an immediate thank you but the fact that each piece of clothing is perfectly sized strikes me. It speaks of a familiar and comfortable knowledge that we haven't shared.

He takes a heavy step closer. My instinct should be to back away. He's tall, muscular, imposing in a way that screams of the care he takes in bed and his desperate need to bring a woman the pleasure that he knows lives within her. I don’t flinch as he pulls the towel I've wrapped around me to the ground.

"I've memorized the shape of your hips." He picks up the panties and kneels swiftly, motioning for me to hold onto his shoulder as he lifts my legs, one at a time, carefully pulling the smooth, silk fabric up my legs. He follows their trail with his hands, adjusting them over the curve of my ass before his face brushes softly against my crotch.

He's on his feet now reaching for the jeans. "When I fucked you that first night, you wrapped your beautiful legs around me."

"I remember," I offer quietly.

He helps me step into the jeans, gliding them effortlessly up my legs. "I remember the pressure of your knees on my sides as you clenched yourself around me. Your body fits so perfectly with mine."

He reaches down to clasp them shut, pulling the zipper into place.

"Your tits are just the right size." The bra I was wearing under my dress is in his hands now. He pulls it over my breasts, adjusting the flesh within the fabric before he reaches behind me, hooking it closed.

I watch as he picks up the blouse and wraps it around my body. "When I was walking down the aisle towards my seat on the plane that night, I saw your face."

My eyes bolt up to meet his. "I don't remember seeing you before you sat down."

"You were looking to the side. There was a man sitting across the aisle from you." His hands rest on my shoulders briefly before he begins buttoning the blouse. "I saw the way you were looking at him. I saw the way he was looking at you."

I push back to that place in time. I don’t recall any face but Ben's. The moment he sat next to me, the electrical currents in my brain piled into overdrive. He had turned to look at me and I knew in that moment that he was unlike any man I'd ever been near. The raw confidence that seeped through his voice had captivated me instantly. If I hadn't gone to that hotel room with him I would have spent half the night in the bed in Alexa's guest room with my hand pressed between my legs imagining the taste and feel of his body.

"I can't remember," I offer as his fingers fly over the buttons fastening them. "I don't remember any man but you."

"Good." His voice carries relief that's not overt. "I wanted you the moment I saw you. I had to fuck you that night."

I had to fuck him too. I wanted to fuck him still. Any question of this being a random one night stand has been erased in the past twenty four hours. This man is now part of my life.



***



"I'm doing rounds and I'm already running late." His eyes scan the expensive watch on his wrist. "I've arranged for a car to take you to Noah's."

Shit. Noah. I'll see Noah soon.

"Thank you," I say because it's necessary. It fills the space where I should be telling him that I'm going to talk to Noah about him. I have to.

"Kayla." His hand brushes across my cheek. The pain that was there immediately after my fall is dull now. It's become a quiet ache in the background. My reflection in the bathroom mirror was comforting. I don't look nearly as bad as my imagination lead me to believe I would. It's obvious something happened but I can explain it to Alexa. She'll understand.

"I need to tell him that I know you." Mincing words at this point seems trite and unnecessary. We both know that I'm obligated to Noah.

His head shakes slightly. "I don't want you to tell him about me."

I don’t want to have the conversation either but I owe Noah. I can't walk back into his home and not reveal the fact that I've been sharing a bed with his twin brother. That's not who I am. I can't do that to Noah, but more than that, I can't do that to Alexa. She has been the one person in my life who has been steady and composed the last few weeks. "I have to tell him."

"I want to tell him." He pushes his hands into the pockets of his pants. "Let me tell him, please."

There's no need to offer a plea. "You'll talk to him?"

"Yes." There's nothing more to sustain his answer. He doesn't elaborate.

"When?" I push because I need to. I'll be leaving Alexa and Noah's home tomorrow to settle into the small, one bedroom in Murray Hill. My life will no longer be connected so literally to theirs, but I'm part of their family and they are part of mine. A secret this size can't be tucked away in a corner. It builds in size every day. It increases in depth when it's willfully ignored. I don’t want what I have with Ben to end. There's a whisper of promise there that I want to nurture.

"Come back and talk to me tomorrow." He takes a step towards the door. "I really need to get to work."

My stomach tangles in a knot so big I fear I'll trip over it if I move. "You want me to go back there and not say anything?"

"I want you to trust that I'll tell him soon." It's a morsel meant to placate me.

I stare into his face. His expression is unreadable. He's asking me to entrust my friendship with Alexa into his hands. They are hands that I barely know but want desperately to believe in. "I don’t know."

"Kayla." His hands jump to my face, cupping my cheeks within them. "I need a bit of time to process this. I promise I'll talk to him soon."

I want to see the truth behind the words when I look into his eyes. I need to. I bow my head in acceptance fearing that the silent promise I just made will cost me Alexa's love and friendship if she ever finds out that I already know Noah's twin brother. All of this may ruin our connection forever.





Chapter 11




"Doug said you didn't go home with him." Her voice is behind me. I hadn't closed the door to my bedroom when I raced into the apartment and down the hall. I knew I was alone the moment my key unhinged the lock. The space was quiet and empty.

I don't turn around to greet her. "He just wanted to have sex with me."

"Don't all men just want to have sex?" She blinks through a smile. "Is your face bruised?"

I instinctively want to retreat as she walks towards me. "I tripped and fell."

"What?" Her hand dashes over my cheek, skimming the edge of a bruise. "When did you fall?"

"When I thought I could wear heels on a sidewalk grate." I pull her hand into mine. If she pushes my hair away from my forehead, she'll see the abrasion. I don’t want that.

Her face lights up with a smile. "I've done that too. I fell into a hotdog vendor's cart a few months ago."

I laugh at the vision of that. "You're lucky he didn't sue you."

"I know, right?" She pats my forearm. "You're home early. Did you go to work today?"

Lying to Alexa isn't a path I want to venture down. I'm sure she's told me her fair share of small white lies, just as I have to her since we met. If I make a decision to lie now, I'll be changing the entire course of our friendship. "I can pick up my keys to my apartment in an hour."

She raises her eyebrows at me. "Seriously? I'll come with you."

"I'm excited to have my own place." I continue the detour around the subject of where I was last night, hoping she'll hold on for the ride.

She doesn't. "You were with a man, weren't you?"

I nod as my hand jumps to my chin.

"Maybe I can meet him sometime?" She tilts her face forward. "Is he someone I should meet?"

You have no idea, Alexa. You have no fucking idea.

"You'll meet him," I say with every confidence. "I know you will."

"Good." She turns on her heel. "I'll tell Noah we're going to your place."



***



I plow through my day, listening to Vivian's incessant ramblings about what happened on the latest episode of a crime drama that hasn't seen a production schedule in more than a decade. I should really tell her to Google that entire episode guide to save her the endless hours she'll stay glued to her laptop, watching a handsome, fit detective solve a crime, without any strings attached, in less than an hour.

"Were you seriously hurt?"

I turn abruptly to face the voice asking the almost-too-personal question. "I'm fine."

It's Vivian. The concern in her tone is masking the unusually high lilt in her voice. "I was worried when a doctor called."

"I was concerned about missing work," I offer in response. "I wanted to be here. I'm sorry I couldn't be."

"I'm shocked you're here today." She takes a step closer to me and I swear I see actual compassion in her eyes. "It sounds like it was a pretty hard fall."

"I'm clumsy," I chuckle. "I need to get better at walking in heels."

"He sounded nice," she begins before she takes a short breath. "I mean the doctor that called about you, he sounded really nice."

"He was helpful." My words are clipped. I don’t want to delve into the personal details of my relationship with Ben.

She taps her hand on the edge of my desk. "Is he accepting new patients?"

I purse my lips together. I have to wonder if she's asking because she's nursing a pain or a stubborn cough that won't go away or if her interest in Ben falls beyond the scope of what he can offer in his office. "I have no idea."

"What's his name again?" She skims her finger across the screen of her smart phone.

"Dr. Foster," I say slowly. "His name is Dr. Ben Foster."

She taps something into her phone before she turns to walk away. "Thanks, Kayla. I'll give him a call."

As I watch her walk away my mind instantly wanders to thoughts about how many other women search Ben out to find out exactly how thorough his bedside manner is.





Chapter 12




"How often do you fuck your patients?" The words sound less hostile coming out through a moan. This isn't the time to talk about this. I shouldn't be thinking of any other woman. I shouldn't be…

"Kayla," he spits my name out between heavy thrusts. "I'm fucking you."

He is fucking me. It's hard and slow. I'm on my back, his large frame hovering above me as he leisurely slides his cock into me, over and over again.

"Harder," I beg.

The friction is pushing me to the edge quickly. He ate me as soon as I let him into my apartment. He was on his knees, my back splayed against the door, my skirt a twisted mess around my waist as he buried his tongue inside of me, pulling my lust from within, pouring it onto his tongue.

"You're so tight." He growls the words into my neck. His tongue is tearing a path across my flesh. "Your cunt is so wet."

My hips buck involuntarily at the words. He's so direct and uninhibited. His body owns his pleasure and he's not afraid to take what he wants. I've never been with a man who is so commanding in bed. I've never felt my desire heightened to this extreme. This is a man made to fuck women, hard and senseless.

"I'm going to come again," I spit the words out into his shoulder. "It feels too good."

"It's so good." He pumps harder. His cock plunges deep with each lunge.

I cry out as I feel my body tense. I hold steady to his shoulders, knowing that if I let go, my body will betray me. I'll flail helplessly. I won't be able to control its instinctive reaction. I'll be lost and I'll miss my chance to enjoy his release.

He watches my face intently as I come. His lips part slightly, his tongue darts over them. "You're so beautiful when you come."

I stare at him, challenging him with a deep movement of my hips. "Come, Ben."

"Not yet." The movement of his head mirrors his words. "I don't want it to end."

I push harder, grinding my heels into the bed. "I've never been fucked like this before."

His eyes widen, his breathing stalls and he drops a litany of curse words from his lips as he pumps his hips into me.



***



"What kind of a doctor are you?" I pull the sheet over my breasts as I watch him toss the condom in a wastebasket in the corner of my bedroom.

He turns his head sharply; the grin on his face is disarming. "A very good one."

I don't doubt that. He has a compassionate edge to him that I haven't noticed in Noah. I have seen small flashes of concern in his gestures and the way he cares for Alexa, but Noah has built walls around himself emotionally because of the stabbing. Ben doesn't have those same restraints. I don't push the issue. It's not pressing on my mind like other questions are right now. "When will you talk to Noah?"

"I thought we were talking about me." His tone is teasing in an abstract way. He's preoccupied. I can sense it by the way he's reaching for his smartphone.

"I want to talk about Noah." I need to talk about Noah. I want to understand what happened between the two of them that was so significant it fractured their bond. "I'd like to understand your relationship with him."

He turns to face me now, his hand dropping to his hip. "It's very complicated, Kayla."

"He used the same word to describe it." I pull my knees to my chest, wrapping the sheet around me. "Noah said it was complicated too."

His brow peaks slightly at the admission. "What else has he said about me?"

It's a question typically reserved for teenage girls when they have their eye on a boy who will only share his feelings through a friend. "Noah doesn't talk about you."

I can't gauge his reaction. He throws his eyes to the floor to mask whatever emotion might be there. "I don't like talking about him either."

He's looking for an out. He came here to fuck me with the hope that I'd forget the reason I initially called him over. "I can't keep this from Alexa much longer."

The 'this' I'm referring to isn't singular. It's not solely about the fact that I'm sleeping with Ben. It's not exclusively centered on my knowledge of who Noah's brother is and the fact that he lives only a few blocks from them. It's the entire fucked up scenario. I just had amazing sex with Noah Foster's twin brother. I ache inside to be near him when I'm not. I'm falling for him and whether that's my heart's way of masking the pain of Parker's rejection or it's genuine and is coming from a place of purity, it's my truth. My life is fucked up. My heart is twisting about in my chest and the only person I can talk to it about is the man at the center of my emotional hurricane.

"It won't be much longer." It's a classic technique meant to stall me. He doesn’t offer anything to back it up. His eyes dart to the screen of his smartphone again.

Ultimatums have no place in the bedroom unless I've been denied an orgasm. In that case I'll use them to my full advantage, but now, with my mind in such a tortured place, I'm going to pull one out and shoot it at him.

"If you don't talk to Noah soon about us, I will." There's not a drop of hesitation in the words. There can't be. I'm serious.

He drops his phone on the dresser before walking to stand next to the bed. "It's not as cut and dry as that, Kayla. He believes things about me that aren't true. He'll turn you against me."

"He can't." My voice is insistent. "There's nothing that Noah can tell me that will change what I'm feeling."

"What are you feeling?" His hand scrubs the back of his neck. The nervous energy that surrounds him is palpable.

"I like you," I offer.

He pinches his fingers together on the bridge of his nose. "I like you too, Kayla. I really like you."

I smile at the confession. "I'd like to see you more often."

"I want to see you every day," he says in a low voice. "I actually want to see you every moment of every day. I wish that I could."



"It's so strange that I met your family before I met you. Do you talk to your father?" I throw the question out as bait. I want to show him that I'm already connected to his family in a roundabout way. Smoothing over the issues between him and Noah is inevitable, given the budding connection between us. Alexa is an integral part of my life, just as I'm an integral part of hers.

"My father?" He parrots back with a furrowed brow. "Do you know my father?"

"I've met him." Once. It was a few months ago at Noah's thirtieth birthday party. His father was brilliant, bold and very charismatic. I remember thinking that if my mother was single; Ron Foster would be the perfect fit for her. Now, the thought borders on uncomfortable.

"When? Where?" The questions rush out on top of one another.

"On Noah's birthday," I begin. "Wait. That was your birthday too."

He closes his eyes. A heavy breath draws his muscular chest up. "My father and Noah have a special bond."

It's an opening to something more. "What do you mean?" I inch sideways on the bed. It's a silent invitation for Ben to sit next to me. He doesn't move.

He teeters back on his heel. "He's closer to Noah than he is to me."

I'm getting nowhere. We're traveling in a circle that keeps leading us back to exactly the same place. "Ben, I've never had issues with my family." I haven't. When I was younger the disagreements were brief and forgotten easily.

"You're lucky."

"I know," I offer. "Alexa is part of my family though. She's like a sister to me."

He sits on the edge of the bed now, his thigh moving quickly up and down as his foot taps the floor. His cock dangles there, adrift in the space between his legs. "You're asking a lot of me."

The words sting even if their intention was something softer. He's going to turn this on me. He's going to tell me I'm pushing him into something he's not ready for. I hear it. I hear it beneath the rhythmic strumming of his heel against the hardwood floor. I see it in his shoulders, the way they're set forward and tense.

"I'm not. I'm telling you that if we continue to see each other I can't hide who you are from them. I'm asking you to talk to him and explain our relationship."

"What if I don't?" It's a challenge. His eyes don't engage me at all. He's staring straight ahead. I doubt he's focused on anything but the next words that will leave my lips.

"I'll talk to Alexa. She'll tell him."

He lets out a heavy sigh. His head drops to his hands. "This is so fucked up."

I reach for him, as much to quell the anxiety I see in his stance as to quiet my own shaking heart. I feel trapped in the middle of a family feud when I should be watching it from the sidelines. This is Alexa's family. These men make up the fabric of her future children's history. They are both a part of who her family will become. I didn't want this. No one would ask to be part of this willingly.

He recoils the instant my fingers brush against his knee. He's on his feet, his hands reaching wildly for his clothing. His boxer briefs are on in a flash. The pants he was wearing when he arrived are pulled back on and buttoned in haste. The shirt that he slung over the back of a wooden chair in the corner is now over his shoulders. "I can't…"

He can't. He can't what. What the fuck can't he do?

I want to jump to my feet and stop him. I should. I feel connected to him in ways I haven't felt with a man before. This is different. He's not the same as anyone I've ever known.

"I need to go. I'm sorry."

Parker. Those are Parker's words. He said those exact words to me as he packed up a suitcase and slammed it shut with a loud finality before he ran out of my life and into the night.

"Go," I say without thought. The words come from inside of me. "Just go."

I won't get on my knees and beg for a man to stay again. I won't sacrifice myself for a brief reprieve from the pain. He's leaving. I'll let him. Whatever this was, it's over now too.





Chapter 13




"Alexa says you're thinking about going for your master's degree."

I turn to stare at him in the doorway of the bedroom. He's wearing jeans that are slung low on his hips and a t-shirt. The tattoos that cover his arms are a bright contrast to the stark white of the shirt.

"It's a thought." I smile at him. "If I stay at my job for six months they offer some incentives for school."

Noah nods and a small grin pulls at the corner of his mouth. "Alexa is really proud of you. I am too."

It's a compliment I couldn't have seen coming. I came over in the middle of the day with the hope that I'd avoid them both. I'm still struggling with what to do. Ben has texted me repeatedly all week asking for my forgiveness, wanting to talk to me. I've thrown myself full force into my work and a plan to grab the future I want, without a man attached to it. Pursuing my master's degree was all I spoke about with Alexa when we had lunch two days ago. It wasn't only to get her opinion on my new plan to reclaim my life. It was to avoid bringing up the subject of Ben. A small part of me was still hoping, beyond hope, that he'd reach out to Noah.

"Do you need me to help you carry the rest of your things?" He nods towards the small cardboard box I'd packed full with the rest of my clothes.

"I can handle it." I arch my arm to show him my non-existent bicep muscle. "I may not have guns like you but I can get the job done."

"Guns?" He mirrors my pose and it's impressive. His body is almost identical in size and stature to his brothers.

"Can I talk to you about something, Noah?" It's hard for me to find the words from within but this may be my chance to gain a better understanding of Ben's reluctance to reach out.

"Anything." He pulls on the fabric of his jeans, giving him more room to sit on the edge of the bed.

I'm standing directly across from him. "It's about your brother."

His head pops up, the scar that transverses his cheek moves slightly as his jaw tenses. "Was Alexa talking about him again?"

"No." My hands tighten together in a knotted mess. "She hasn't brought it up at all."

I can't tell whether he believes me or if the words are being construed as my trying to protect my best friend. "Why are you asking then?" he asks in a low growl.

He's intimidating. The tattoos and scar make him appear more menacing than he is. I've heard about the kindness in his heart from Lex. I've seen the way he treats her. He loves her more than anything.

I scratch my neck. "It's just that. Well, I..." I stammer.

"I don't like talking about him."

I pinch my lips together before I race my tongue over the bottom one. "I met him, Noah."

His hand reaches for the edge of the bed. He grabs hold of it and it's hard to tell if he's steadying himself against the wall of emotions that have hit him full force or if he's questioning whether he heard me correctly. "You met Ben?"

I'd imagined that moment when Ben's name would come out of Noah. Alexa has never offered his name when she speaks about him and I've always assumed it's because she doesn’t know it. He's only ever been Noah's twin brother when she's discussed him with me. "Yes."

His eyes meet mine. "When?"

This is the point when I have to decide if I'll tell him about the first night. I'm ashamed that I crawled into the bed of a man I just met. I'm confused that the man turned out to be his brother. A brother who obviously caused him immeasurable pain based on his reaction to my confession now.

"Christ, Kayla." He jumps to his feet, his large frame looming over me. "Did you meet him at the hospital? It wasn't when you fell and cracked your forehead a couple of weeks ago, was it?"

I rub the wound on my head. It's almost healed completely now. The only lingering reminder is dull flashes of pain from time-to-time. "He helped me that night."

He runs his hands over his face. "I knew this would happen eventually."

"What?"

"That someone would end up in the ER and see him there. Have you told Alexa?" His hands jump to my shoulders.

I shake my head slowly. "I wouldn't do that. I wanted to tell you first."

He nods before he pulls me into an unexpected embrace. "Don't talk to her about him. She'll go down to the hospital and find him. That can't happen."

I pull back to look at his face. "Why not?"

"It's best this way." He takes a step back, his dark eyes catching mine. "He's done horrible things. He's hurt people."

"What people?" I push. "What did he do?"

"It doesn't matter anymore." He turns to walk out of the room. "Stay away from him, Kayla. Stay as far away from him as you can."





Chapter 14




"Is Dr. Foster working?" Yes, that's right. I do not know how to listen when it concerns my own well-being. Everything Noah said to me has gone through my own personal filter and I've come to the conclusion that I need to know what the fuck is going on.

The woman behind the bustling information desk taps a few keys on her computer keyboard. "He's here. He's working in ER. It's that way." Her finger juts past me towards double doors.

"I know the way," I say back to her even though she's now barking an order to someone on the other end of a phone call.

I step through the doors into a world that is chock-full of noise, dozens of people sitting in an overcrowded waiting room and hospital staff milling about.

I know enough to not ask the women at the desk about Ben. I can tell by the crowd of people gathered in front of them that their hands are full. I came here to see him. I'll wait until he has a moment.

"Kayla?" His voice calls from the left as if on cue. "What's wrong?"

He's beside me in an instant, his hand flying to my hairline. "Is it your head? Are you still experiencing headaches?"

I stare at him, soaking in the image of him in a lab coat, a stethoscope strung loosely around his neck. I've never seen him like this. The night I was in the ER he was still dressed in jeans and a sweater. Now, he officially looks like a doctor. Where is the horrible person that Noah talked about? How can a man who has devoted his life to helping people heal be as bad as Noah says he is? "No, it's fine."

"Are you sick?" He motions behind me towards a nurse. "Let's get you into a room."

"I'm not sick." I lean closer to him. "That's not why I'm here."

He holds his hand up to stop a woman who is throwing numbers at him at breakneck speed. "I'm busy, Lynette. I'll be there shortly."

The huff that escapes her lips is audile. "We're very busy, Dr. Foster. Make it quick."

My eyes bolt to the side to her face. She's frustrated with his dismissal. She doesn't make eye contact with me at all.

"Give me a moment, I said." Ben's eyes don't leave mine. "This is important."

"Fine," she bites the word out in a hiss. It's obvious by her tone that it's anything but fine.

"Ben," I whisper his name quietly for no reason than to temper everything I'm feeling. "You shouldn't have walked out on me the other night."

"Christ, I was an idiot about that." His hand clenches in a fist on his chest. "It wasn't right. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I panicked when you were talking about Noah."

"I talked to him about you."

His jaw tenses slightly. It shifts the structure of his face and a glimpse of Noah is there for an instant. "You told him I was your lover?"

I feel the word roar with full force to my core. Lovers? We haven't defined it. I hadn't. Ben had, obviously. "No. I just told him that I met you."

He nods his head slightly. "What did he say?"

"He knew you worked here." I point to the floor. "I told him you helped me when I got hurt."

He leans forward slightly, pivoting on his shoe. "He told you to stay away from me, didn't he?"

I nod. "I want to know why."

He pulls on the collar of his lab coat, adjusting it slightly. "I should be off by eleven but it's never that simple." His hand drifts towards the waiting room.

"I understand," I say wishing that he could just walk away from his responsibilities here for an hour so he could explain to me what happened between him and his brother. My entire being is telling me that the issue isn't as serious as Noah has made it out to be. I've been with Ben. I've felt the tenderness in his touch. I've been nursed back to health by him. I don't see the evil that lives beneath the surface that Noah claims is there.

His name wafts through the air over the public announcement system.

"I need to go." His lips brush against mine in a gentle kiss. "I'll text you when I'm done here."

He grazes past me in his rush to help others. Right now, at this very moment in time, I wish I was the one he was helping.





Chapter 15




"I can't begin to imagine what Noah told you about me." He pulls off his suit jacket to lower himself into a seat across from me in a bustling mid-town bistro.

When Ben had called me late last night, I'd be wary of letting him come over. It wasn't out of fear for my personal safety. It was out of the clear knowledge that I'd want him. Noah's warnings hadn't crushed my desire for Ben at all. The only thing that had done that was his need to rush out of my apartment the other day when he felt cornered.

"Did you order something to eat?" His eyes scan the expansive menu.

I study his face briefly, marveling in how strong his features are. I know that he's not Noah's identical twin but there's no mistaking they're brothers. I wonder what it would be like seeing them standing side-by-side. "I'm not that hungry."

"We can split a sandwich." He motions towards a waitress standing near the cash register.

I sit in silence while he orders our lunch. My hands are sweating. Even though Alexa still knows nothing about Ben, I can't help but feel I'm betraying her. I spoke to her briefly on the phone this morning about having dinner together tonight. I'd balked at making firm plans because I wanted to see how my lunch with Ben would go.

"Tell me about Noah." He leans back in the wooden chair. "It starts with him telling you to avoid me at all costs, right?"

The sarcasm dripping from each of the words is measurable. I can see the disdain in his expression. He disapproves of Noah too, but it's not the same. Ben's never warned me away from his brother. "He did say that, yes."

"Did he say why?" He picks up a small glass of room temperature water that the waitress dropped off when she took his order.

I sigh deeply. "No, Ben. He wouldn't say why."

"You want to know why?" He sips a mouthful before resting the glass back down.

I do, don't I? That's why I'm here. I stare at him while I contemplate the gravity of the question. I don't really need to do this. I can get up, walk out and never look back. Ben Foster can become a distant memory and the secret of his silent feud with Noah can rest in peace. That would be the right thing to do. That would be the way to honor my friendship with Alexa and the man she loves.

"It started when our mother died."

The words are almost emotionless. His expression doesn't add anything to it either. They're just words that he's pushed out at me and now, I have to absorb them. Is that because he's a doctor and death is a natural part of his everyday life now?

"When did she die?"

"It's feels like a lifetime ago now." His long fingers tap a beat against the table. "It feels like yesterday."

"You were close." I know the assumption is based on the fact that he told me that Noah and his father shared a special bond. Maybe Ben loved his mother the same way. Maybe he was the shining light in her eyes.

"I took care of my mother." His eyes are empty. "I wanted to be a doctor because of her."

I smile at the knowledge. "She must have been lovely."

"She was beautiful and kind." His hand jumps to his chest. "She was sweet. She loved me very much."

"What happened to her?"

"She was ill for weeks before her death." His eyes dart up but move past me quickly, centering on a spot in the diner behind me. "The doctors said it was a virus. They sent her home."

"It wasn't a virus?" I don’t know what else to ask. I have no inkling of what it means or how it impacted her health. I have no baseline to judge by.

His eyes travel the path of the waitress as she drop off our lunch. I watch in silence as he takes a healthy bite of the sandwich. He motions for me to dig in, but I can't eat. I'm slightly miffed that he can considering the fact that we are embroiled in a serious discussion about someone he loved.

He watches me intently as he chews. No words are spoken between us. The conversation ended in the exact place I need and want it to continue so I wait patiently until he clears the entire plate.

"Kayla." He finally speaks. "This is very hard to talk about."

I nod. I know that it is. I want to hear it though. I need to understand the nucleus of his pain. "I know," I say quietly. "I care about you, Ben."

A trace of a smile forms on his lips. "I care about you too."

"What happened when she died?" I ask out of sheer need. I'm nauseous from the anxiety that is racing through me.

His eyes dart down to his lap. "She needed care around the clock. My father, Noah and I all took turns with her."

I can't imagine the pain that seeps into those who have to watch someone they love wither away like that. "That must have been very hard."

"The alternative was the hospital. She didn't want that."

"I understand." I'm trying to understand. I still don't have a clear idea of when any of this happened. The emotional strength of a fifteen-year-old boy is obviously much different than a twenty-five-year old. Judging by the depth of the fracture in Ben's family, I'm guessing she died when the twins were much younger.

"I was watching her the day that she died." He pushes his water glass aside so he can reach across the table for my hand. "I had a friend over."

He doesn't need to elaborate. It was a woman, or girl. The thoughtful gesture to hold my hand is telling me that.

"We were in the guest house when it happened."

I nod. I pull my free hand to my forehead. I'm uncomfortable hearing the pointed details now. I pushed for this. I need to accept it.

"My father and Noah were at a ball game. By the time they got home, she'd been gone for hours."

"You didn’t call them to tell them?" I ask the question without any thought. It just rolls off my tongue.

"I didn’t know." His eyes stare into mine. I see the emptiness in them. "I was in the guest house, fucking some woman whose name I can't recall over and over again while my mother took her very last breath."





Chapter 16




"You have a secret." Alexa pulls on my ponytail from behind.

I almost choke on the mouthful of wine I'm trying to swallow. "What secret?" It's not a random question. When it comes to secrets, I'm hiding more than one.

"You're seeing someone, aren't you?"

"Seeing as in dating?" Nice stall tactic, Kayla. You really expect that's going to work?

She scowls as she takes a seat beside me on the weathered couch in my apartment. "Call it whatever you like. There's a man in your life."

"Why would you ask me that?" I try to level my voice. I haven't seen Ben since the diner but that means little in the big picture. I'm still sorting through my feelings. I'm debating whether or not to talk to Noah. I feel torn between my friendship to him and Lex and my attraction to Ben.

"There's a man's tie hanging from the towel rack in your bathroom." She tosses her head towards the hallway. "It's expensive too."

"How do you know if it's expensive," I scoff in an overly exaggerated attempt to change the subject. I knew that tie was there. I liked having it there as a reminder of Ben. Now it's pushing me into a corner.

"Noah just bought a new suit." She taps her hand on my thigh. "It was expensive. I saw that exact tie at the store. Noah almost bought it."

"Noah in a suit?" I struggle to conjure up that image. "He's not a suit kind of guy, is he?"

"He's a handsome kind of guy," she counters. "I like when he dresses up if we go out for dinner."

"Makes sense." I breathe a sigh of relief. If I can keep her on the subject of her fiancé, I'll keep her off the subject of the twin brother of her fiancé.

"It was nice to see him spend some money on himself." She takes a large drink from her wineglass. "He's going to get a tux for the wedding."

I smile at the joy in her voice when she talks about her wedding. "It's coming up soon."

"We're signing a pre nup next week."

"You're signing a pre nup?" It's not that surprising given how successful Noah is. He used to sell the nude photographs he took of women for tens of thousands of dollars. That has to add up quickly.

"It was my idea." She shrugs her shoulders. "He's worth a lot of money."

"He sold a lot of photographs back in the day," I tease. We don't talk about Noah's former career much anymore. It's never been a sore spot for Alexa. She posed for him too at one point.

"He got a huge inheritance when he turned twenty-five." Her words are slightly slurred. "It was from when his mother died."

I know more about that event than I should. "I guess a pre nup is a good idea then." I can't think of anything else to say.

"Do you want to know something?" She swallows the last bit of wine that had settled at the bottom of the glass. "It's about his brother."

Hell, yes, I want to know.

I nod only slightly.

"I think Noah hates him because of that money." She runs her finger along the edge of the glass. "He got some money too."

"Why would you think that?"

"I heard him talking to Ron about it on the phone." She's whispering so loud that I'm certain anyone passing by on the street would hear every single word she's said.

I had wondered how Ben could afford his apartment and wardrobe on an ER doctor's salary. "Sometimes money makes people crazy." I spin my finger in the air. "I'm sure their problems go deeper than that."

"I don’t know about that." She starts to stand before falling back into the soft cushion of the couch. "Noah hates Ben. If it's not the money it has to be a woman."

It is a woman. It's the woman who gave them life. The very same woman whose death pulled them apart for good.





Chapter 17




"Get the fuck in here." He pulls on my hand sending me flying into his apartment. I hear the door slam shut behind me.

"Ben," I mutter his name in a heated rush before his lips bear down on mine. "I…Ben…" I try to form the words through his kiss but he's too aggressive.

"I've been thinking about you for days." His hands are pulling on the tie of my wraparound dress, tangling me up in it. "I'm going to rip this fucking thing off your body."

I take a step back as much to save my dress as to calm my breath. "I'll take it off."

His eyes are glued to my hands as he strips off his own clothes, throwing them onto the floor in a pile.

"Look how hard you make me." His hand runs fast over his thick, erect cock. "I need to be inside that sweet cunt of yours now."

The words fill me with an instant hunger that I can't quench. I've tried to wean myself off of him by touching myself in my bed. I thought that would quiet the desperate need I've been feeling. I want him so much. I can't keep denying it. I don’t want to deny it. I want to own it and embrace it. When he called to tell me to come over, I hadn't hesitated at all. My need for him is primal and unending.

I pull my panties down and stand before him, completely naked and exposed. I'm not shy. I've never been one to hide my body beneath a sheet out of fear that my lover will find fault. I've never complained about the size of my breasts or the width of my hips. I love my body. He loves my body. I see it in his eyes and I feel it when he's making love to me.

"Goddamn, Kayla." He narrows the space between us with easy strides. His hands wrap around my sides, pulling me into him. His cock rests against my thigh, heavy, warm and eager.

I moan as he picks me up, pulling my legs around him. I cry out when he clears the desk near the door with one swoop of his hand and lowers my body onto it and I whimper as I watch him cloak his beautiful cock with a condom.

"I need you, Kayla." His breath whispers over my lips. "I've needed you since that first night."

I cling tightly to him as he enters me completely, his cock pushing me to my limits, stretching me wide with a bite of pain that touches my core. "Ben, yes," I moan into his mouth. "Fuck me."

He pulls my ass to the edge of the desk as he sits me up, our bodies still connected. "Look at me, Kayla. Look at me."

I open my eyes. His face is so beautiful. It's so perfect and kind. I stare into his eyes with my own as he fucks me with slow, easy, graceful strokes.



***



"If you tell them about me, I'll lose you." His voice pierces through the darkness in the room.

I shake myself awake. I'd drifted off after he'd carried me to his bed and fucked me again. "That won't happen," I whisper into the empty space before me.

His hands pull me closer so my back is resting against his chest. "It will. Noah won't let her talk to you anymore."

The concept is foreign. Noah wouldn't demand anything that restricting of Lex. Our relationship is close, too close for a brotherly feud to tear it apart. "Alexa would never stop talking to me."

"He'll fill her head with lies about me." His voice is shaky and uncertain.

I try to flip over. I want to look at him when he tells me this. These people are the core of my inner circle. They are my New York family. I need them as much as I need air to breathe. I can't lose Alexa. I won't.

"Alexa is smarter than that," I say with every effort to sound convincing. "She won't break off our friendship over this."

"We should see where this goes before you tell her."

I know the words shouldn't burst open my heart the way they do. This is new and it's natural to have doubts. He's older than I am. He's wiser. Maybe when a person turns thirty they realize that banking on an undeniable connection is foolish and impulsive. I'm not thirty-years-old. He is. I want to fall into the well of promise. I want to revel in the idea that this has a future beyond a few more months of incredible sex.

"Or I could tell her and then we could see where it goes," I counter. Two can play wicked mind games, Dr. Foster.

"He blames me for our mother's death." His voice is dark. "That's never going to change, Kayla."

"You don't know that." I push his hands lower wanting to feel his fingers rush through my folds. "You can't predict that." I don't want to talk about Noah. I can't think about Alexa. All I want is Ben.

He gives in to my silent demands as his finger finds my clit. "I know that I'm not going to give this up for anything."

I spread my legs brazenly, kicking the sheet off of us. I reach down to cover his hand with my own. "You don’t have to give this up."

He pushes a finger into me, luxuriously pulling the dampness from my channel before gliding it back over my clitoris. "You're mine. Noah can't take you away from me. No one can."

"No one can." I arch my back to give him more access. "No one will."





Chapter 18




"I saw you with him."

I know his voice before I turn to look at him. It's Noah.

"When?" It's not as though the details matter. I can hear the disappointment in his voice. There's no denying the anger that is sprinkled through his words. He's pissed.

"Yesterday." I sense movement behind me. "You were leaving his apartment and he kissed you in front of the building."

My focus was solely on Ben in that moment. He was hailing me a cab, sending me back home after he'd licked me to orgasm one last time. I'd felt treasured in that moment. He'd leaned down before shutting the taxi door to tell me he'd miss me.

"Why were you there?" I turn now to look at him. He's standing less than a foot away from me in a crowded bakery. "Why are you here now?"

"Alexa told me about the tie."

"What tie?" I take a step back. "I don’t know what you're talking about."

"His tie was in your apartment."

The tie. That fucking tie that she saw in my bathroom. "It was just a tie, Noah."

He moves closer to me, his hand jumping to my elbow. "I went to buy a suit because Alexa asked me to."

"Yes," I say because there's nothing else to offer as he steers me through the crowd and onto the street.

We finally stop near the edge of the building. The pedestrian traffic is moving quickly just a few feet away from us.

"I wanted that tie until the sales woman told me that they'd only sold one like that." His eyes bore into me. "She thought it was amusing that it was sold to another Mr. Foster. Actually, she said Dr. Foster bought it."

You've got to be shitting me. I'm busted because of a goddamn necktie?

"You had no right to follow me to his place, Noah." I know the words sound petulant and spiteful. "I'm old enough to make my own decisions."

"Alexa loves you." He taps his hand on my shoulder. "You're like a sister to her."

I don't feel the guilt that is implied within the words. Why should I? "Alexa gets to love you, why can't I…"I stop myself. I don't love Ben. I'm crazy in like with Ben. "Why can't I be with Ben?"

"He's a no good piece of lying shit," he hisses each word slowly over his tongue. "He's not who you think he is."

"Maybe he's not who you think he is." I push my finger into his hard chest. "Maybe you just can't get over losing your mother."

He takes a step back as his hand reaches to the brick façade of the building. I hear him curse beneath his breath. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I do." I take a step closer to him. I'm the one on the offense now. He doesn’t get to dictate my life to me. That's not how this works.

His eyes search my face. "What did he tell you?"

It's common knowledge. It's not as though I'll be betraying Ben in any way if I repeat what he told me. "He said you and your father blame him for your mother's death."

"He actually told you that?" He doesn't hesitate as he barks the words at me. "I can't believe he told you that."

I stare at him. I can't gauge whether Noah's reaction is strictly based in the emotional void that he's felt since losing his mom or if he's harboring more resentment towards Ben than he's letting me see. "Noah," I say his name softly. "Ben told me he was with someone the day your mom died. He told me he was supposed to be watching her."

His brow furrows as he digests my words. "Say that again." He leans forward craning his ear towards me.

"Ben told me that he was in the guest house with a woman while you and Ron were out."

His hand flies in the air in a circular motion. "Go on."

I blow a heavy puff of air out between my lips. "He said that she died and he didn't know until you both came home."

His chin tilts down as his hand scrubs over his forehead. I've seen Ben do the very same thing. "That's what Ben told you?"

I nod slowly looking for confirmation of the story in Noah's eyes. I find nothing but a blank stare.

"Do you trust me, Kayla?"

It's not a fair question. If he asked me at any other moment in time I'd tell him absolutely without hesitation. Noah is an extension of Alexa in my eyes. I can count on him. I know he wants the best for me. The only problem is that in this instance, he can't see things clearly. His resentment and hatred for his brother is clouding his judgement.

"It's not that simple, Noah."

"It's a very simple question." He taps his fingers against the brick. "You are an incredibly important person to the woman I love. She needs you. She counts on you. I can't let anything happen to you."

I scratch the back of my ear. "Nothing bad is going to happen to me, Noah."

"He will hurt you." His voice is calm and controlled. "He will damage you in ways you can't even imagine. You are nothing to him. Nothing."

I lean back into the wall for balance. "Ben is a good person. He's a doctor."

He shakes his head slightly. "You think that makes him a saint?"

"No," I say briskly. "I'm not naïve, Noah. You're making me feel like an idiot."

"He didn’t tell you everything about the day she died. I doubt he's told you everything about his life." The words bite into me deeply. He's making me feel silly and foolish for falling into bed with Ben.

"I'm not marrying him, Noah," I offer as a reprieve. "I'm just having fun with him."

He throws his head back in frustration. "I am trying desperately to protect you. Why can't you see that?"

"You are angry with him because your mother died." I reach for his forearm. "That doesn't make him a bad person."

"I am angry with him because he has fucked over every single person who was close to him, including me." His free hand jumps to cover mine. "He uses people as if they are nothing. He takes what he can from them and then throws them away like trash."

I shake my head. "That's wrong."

"It's right." He squeezes my hand harder. "He's a master at manipulating people. He tried to ruin my life. "

"How?" I shoot the question out without realizing how much desperation is attached to it.

He scrubs his hand over his face. "I can't talk to you about this, Kayla. I need to talk to Alexa first. It will kill her inside if she knows I'm sharing stuff about Ben with you and not her."

Normally, I'd take that as a weak excuse for wanting to hold his secrets close to him, but this is Noah Foster. Alexa is his life and I know that he honors her in a way few men honor the women they adore.

"What am I supposed to do?" I ask genuinely. I feel completely conflicted inside. I have nothing concrete to dissuade me from Ben's confessions about the day his mother died. All I have to contradict that are some loosely disguised accusations that have come from my best friend's boyfriend.

"Stay away from him." He pushes on my hand. "I'm going home right not to tell Alexa everything about Ben. Then you'll come over and the three of us will talk about this together."

I nod. It's not in agreement. I want to know what happened in the past that has convinced Noah that Ben is the second coming of evil. I want to hear it from Ben. I need to talk to him now.

"Promise me you'll stay away from him."

That's not a promise I can keep. "I want to know what's really going on, Noah."

"You will." He reaches forward to graze his lips across my cheek. "I should have told Alexa about all this months ago. I'll talk to her and then we'll talk again."

I sigh deeply as he turns and heads down the street.





Chapter 19




"Have you ever wanted something that was bad for you?" I pull air quotes around the word bad. I don't know how else to define what Noah thinks of Ben.

"I'm a doctor." He laughs as his hand races up my thigh. "Everything is bad for me. There's like two things I should be eating. Everything else is the root cause of some kind of disease."

I laugh at the words even though I'm bundled into a tight ball inside. I keep glancing at my phone waiting for Noah or Alexa to call.

"Are you expecting a call?" Ben nods his chin towards my smartphone.

"I am." I've been debating whether I should just ask Ben about Noah's attack on his character. I trust them both. I care about them both. I feel as though I'm sitting atop a thick tug-of-war rope that they both are clinging to for dear life.

"Is it a work thing?" He moves his body closer to mine. "Your boss was in the ER the other day."

"What?" I ask in surprise even though I anticipated it happening at some point. "She was smitten with you that day you called in for me."

"Smitten?" he parrots back within a wide grin. "Is that like saying she's hot for me?"

"All your female patients are."

"Some of the male ones too, " he says through a wide grin.

"It's not about work. I'm waiting for Noah to call."

His jaw tenses at the mention of his brother's name. "Why would Noah be calling you?"

"He's talking to Alexa about a few things right now." I pick up my phone and hold it in my hand. "Then they'll call me so I can go over."

"What kind of things?" He leans back into the soft leather of his couch. "Wedding things?"

"No." This is it, Kayla. Just say it. "It's about you."

"Me?" His finger scoops a piece of hair behind my ear, before it floats down my cheek. "What about me?"

"Noah knows we're sleeping together."

"How does Noah know that?" He tilts his chin towards me. "You told Noah?"

"No." I shake my head. "He saw us together."

He leans forward to brush his lips against my cheek. "It's not the end of the world. You know he'll try and poison your mind with thoughts about how bad I am, don't you?"

I feel the rope pulling me closer to Ben. "He said you weren't good for me. He said you'd ruin me."

"Ruin you?" He smirks as he says the words. "How can I possibly ruin someone so completely perfect?"

They're words. They are simple words that melt hearts. "He said you tried to ruin his life."

His brow cocks. "Did he tell you how I did that?"

He's so calm. If anything Noah said was based in truth, wouldn't Ben be trying to convince me that Noah is a liar? I stare at his face. There's no panic or frustration. He's as collected now as when I arrived a few minutes ago.

I place my phone into my lap. "You'd tell me if there was more to your feud than what happened the day your mother died, right?"

"I told you, Kayla." He brushes his lips over my cheek. "Noah hates me because I let her die."

I turn my head slightly, catching his lips with mine. My hand floats to the back of his head, deepening the kiss. There's no possible way this beautiful, tender man would hurt me. It's not part of who he is. I've watched him in the moments when he thinks I'm not paying attention. I've seen the way he smiles at the people who pass us by on the street. He has dedicated himself to helping others regain their health. Noah is wrong. He can't possibly be right.

"I want to believe you so much," I say into the kiss. "I know you're a good person."

He nods as his lips race up my cheek to my forehead. "I've tried very hard to be someone my mother would be proud of."

I move my other arm to embrace him, pulling his tall frame into me. "Noah doesn’t want me to be with you, Ben."

"I know." He wraps his arms tighter around me. "We'll figure it out. We're going to do that together."

A loud thump on the door stuns us both. He jumps from my embrace, his head jutting around the room. "I'm not expecting anyone."

I lean back waiting for him to get up. He doesn’t move as another loud thud fills the space.

"You should get that." I push myself up. "Do you want me to get it?"

He reaches for my hand, pulling it to his mouth. "I'll get it. You wait here, okay?"

I stand in silence as I hear his shoes tap footsteps to the foyer. I can't see who it is but I hear the voice. It's loud. It's angry. It's Noah.

He rounds the corner with Alexa behind him. "Kayla, for Christ sake, what the fuck are you doing here?"

I'm stunned by the words. The strength of his anger pushes me back and onto the couch. I feel faint. Alexa is yelling at Ben. The words are all too quick and cluttered for me to make sense of them.

"Get the fuck out of here." Ben is in front of me now, shielding my body from them both. "I'll call the police. Get out."

"Kayla." Noah tries to dart around Ben but he holds him back. Their large frames are chest-to-chest now. "You have to come with us."

"No." I shake my head slightly. "Noah, please."

"Kayla," Alexa's voice calls from behind them both. I can hear her sobbing. "Oh God, Kayla."

I push myself up again. I need to stop this. They can't dictate my life like this.

"Ben." I tap him on his shoulder and he spins around instantly. "Let me talk to them. I'll tell them it's okay."

His eyes are filled with panic. His head twisting back to look at Noah. "Kayla, no." He grabs my hands, holding tightly to them. "Please, no."

"Leave." I look past him to where Noah is standing next to Alexa. "I'll come over right away so we can talk. Please leave."

"They arrested him, Kayla," Alexa screams through the air. "They arrested him after she died."

"Who?" My eyes sprint over Ben's face looking for an answer from him.

"Ben." Her hand flies past Noah. "Ben killed their mother."

"That's not true." I squeeze his hands, knowing the pain he must be in hearing those words. "Don’t say that."

"He was charged with murder," Noah shouts at me. "He disconnected her oxygen, walked away and let her die."

My eyes travel up Ben's chest and then to his chin before they reach his face.

I stare at him.

"Ben." My voice is barely more than a whisper. "Tell me that's not true."

His lips part slightly, his hands jump to my face and within a sob he whispers the two words that change everything. "It's true."