Be realistic in your expectations. Once you discover what God intends real fellowship to be, it is easy to become discouraged by the gap between the ideal and the real in your church. Yet we must passionately love the church in spite of its imperfections. Longing for the ideal while criticizing the real is evidence of immaturity. On the other hand, settling for the real without striving for the ideal is complacency. Maturity is living with the tension.
We must passionately love the church in spite of its imperfections.
Other believers will disappoint you and let you down, but that’s no excuse to stop fellowshiping with them. They are your family, even when they don’t act like it, and you can’t just walk out on them. Instead God tells us, “Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”7
People become disillusioned with the church for many understandable reasons. The list could be quite long: conflict, hurt, hypocrisy, neglect, pettiness, legalism, and other sins. Rather than being shocked and surprised, we must remember that the church is made up of real sinners, including ourselves. Because we’re sinners, we hurt each other, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. But instead of leaving the church, we need to stay and work it out if at all possible. Reconciliation, not running away, is the road to stronger character and deeper fellowship.
Divorcing your church at the first sign of disappointment or disillusionment is a mark of immaturity. God has things he wants to teach you, and others, too. Besides, there is no perfect church to escape to. Every church has its own set of weaknesses and problems. You’ll soon be disappointed again.
Groucho Marx was famous for saying he wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would let him in. If a church must be perfect to satisfy you, that same perfection will exclude you from membership, because you’re not perfect!
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor who was martyred for resisting Nazis, wrote a classic book on fellowship, Life Together. In it he suggests that disillusionment with our local church is a good thing because it destroys our false expectations of perfection. The sooner we give up the illusion that a church must be perfect in order to love it, the sooner we quit pretending and start admitting we’re all imperfect and need grace. This is the beginning of real community.
Every church could put out a sign “No perfect people need apply. This is a place only for those who admit they are sinners, need grace, and want to grow.”
Bonhoeffer said, “He who loves his dream of community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter…If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even when there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary, we keep complaining that everything is paltry and petty, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow.”8
Choose to encourage rather than criticize. It is always easier to stand on the sidelines and take shots at those who are serving than it is to get involved and make a contribution. God warns us over and over not to criticize, compare, or judge each other.9 When you criticize what another believer is doing in faith and from sincere conviction, you are interfering with God’s business: “What right do you have to criticize someone else’s servants? Only their Lord can decide if they are doing right.”10
Paul adds that we must not stand in judgment or look down on other believers whose convictions differ from our own: “Why, then, criticise your brother’s actions, why try to make him look small? We shall all be judged one day, not by each other’s standards or even our own, but by the standard of Christ.”11
Whenever I judge another believer, four things instantly happen: I lose fellowship with God, I expose my own pride and insecurity, I set myself up to be judged by God, and I harm the fellowship of the church. A critical spirit is a costly vice.
DAY TWENTY-ONE: PROTECTING YOUR CHURCH
The Bible calls Satan “the accuser of our brothers.”12 It’s the Devil’s job to blame, complain, and criticize members of God’s family. Anytime we do the same, we’re being duped into doing Satan’s work for him. Remember, other Christians, no matter how much you disagree with them, are not the real enemy. Any time we spend comparing or criticizing other believers is time that should have been spent building the unity of our fellowship. The Bible says, “Let’s agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don’t drag them down by finding fault.”13