The Purpose Driven Life(41)
There are many other benefits you will experience in being a part of a small group committed to real fellowship. It is an essential part of your Christian life that you cannot overlook. For over 2,000 years Christians have regularly gathered in small groups for fellowship. If you’ve never been a part of a group or class like this, you really don’t know what you’re missing.
In the next chapter we will look at what it takes to create this kind of community with other believers, but I hope this chapter has made you hungry to experience the authenticity, mutuality, sympathy, and mercy of real fellowship. You were created for community.
DAY EIGHTEEN
THINKING ABOUT MY PURPOSE
Point to Ponder: I need others in my life.
Verse to Remember: “Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:2 (NLT)
Question to Consider: What one step can I take today to connect with another believer at a more genuine, heart-to-heart level?
19
Cultivating Community
You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.
James 3:18 (Msg)
They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers.
Acts 2:42 (Msg)
Community requires commitment.
Only the Holy Spirit can create real fellowship between believers, but he cultivates it with the choices and commitments we make. Paul points out this dual responsibility when he says, “You are joined together with peace through the Spirit, so make every effort to continue together in this way.”1 It takes both God’s power and our effort to produce a loving Christian community.
Unfortunately, many people grow up in families with unhealthy relationships, so they lack the relational skills needed for real fellowship. They must be taught how to get along with and relate to others in God’s family. Fortunately, the New Testament is filled with instruction on how to share life together. Paul wrote, “I am writing these things to you…[so] you will know how to live in the family of God. That family is the church.”2
If you’re tired of fake fellowship and you would like to cultivate real fellowship and a loving community in your small group, Sunday school class, and church, you’ll need to make some tough choices and take some risks.
Cultivating community takes honesty. You will have to care enough to lovingly speak the truth, even when you would rather gloss over a problem or ignore an issue. While it is much easier to remain silent when others around us are harming themselves or others with a sinful pattern, it is not the loving thing to do. Most people have no one in their lives who loves them enough to tell them the truth (even when it’s painful), so they continue in self-destructive ways. Often we know what needs to be said to someone, but our fears prevent us from saying anything. Many fellowships have been sabotaged by fear: No one had the courage to speak up in the group while a member’s life fell apart.
The Bible tells us to “speak the truth in love”3 because we can’t have community without candor. Solomon said, “An honest answer is a sign of true friendship.”4 Sometimes this means caring enough to lovingly confront one who is sinning or is being tempted to sin. Paul says, “Brothers and sisters, if someone in your group does something wrong, you who are spiritual should go to that person and gently help make him right again.”5
Many church fellowships and small groups remain superficial because they are afraid of conflict. Whenever an issue pops up that might cause tension or discomfort, it is immediately glossed over in order to preserve a false sense of peace. Mr. “Don’t Rock the Boat” jumps in and tries to smooth everyone’s ruffled feathers, the issue is never resolved, and everyone lives with an underlying frustration. Everyone knows about the problem, but no one talks about it openly. This creates a sick environment of secrets where gossip thrives. Paul’s solution was straightforward: “No more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.”6
When conflict is handled correctly, we grow closer to each other.
Real fellowship, whether in a marriage, a friendship, or your church, depends on frankness. In fact, the tunnel of conflict is the passageway to intimacy in any relationship. Until you care enough to confront and resolve the underlying barriers, you will never grow close to each other. When conflict is handled correctly, we grow closer to each other by facing and resolving our differences. The Bible says, “In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery.”7