The Private Serials Box Set(5)

Suddenly, everything lost its humor as I watched Derrek walk out of the  building. Both Sam and I went quiet, watching and waiting. When his car  pulled onto the road, Sam gave me a look, silently asking me if I still  wanted to go through with our plan. I nodded. She started the engine and  pulled out, only a few cars behind his.

I had never tailed a car before and found it was a delicate balance  between staying close enough to follow, but far enough away so that you  melted into the background. After a few minutes, it became clear he was  not headed to our home. I wasn't surprised at all by this fact, but I  was, admittedly, a little saddened. I came out with Sam to find out if  he was cheating, but now that we were actually in the midst of possibly  finding proof, I realized I might not be ready to deal with the reality  proof would bring with it.

"You okay, Lena?"

"Yeah," I said. I took on the role of navigator, keeping my eyes on his  car and telling Sam which way to turn or which lane to move into so she  could focus on just driving. His car took us more than forty-five  minutes away from his work. We were a good distance out of the city, far  away from our home, and unfamiliar with the area.

"Where in the world is he going?" I asked, knowing Sam didn't have the  answer. I hadn't expected to leave the city. I imagined him pulling up  to a corner and propositioning a prostitute, or pulling in to a seedy  motel to meet up with some random woman. I had never imagined him  leading us to suburbia. The further we got away from the city and closer  we got to housing developments, the more nervous I became. My body was  clued into what was happening and sending me all kinds of signals to run  away. My fight or flight instincts were kicking in, and my body was  telling me to fly.         

     



 

But his car kept driving so we kept following. An hour after he'd left  his building we watched as he pulled into the driveway of a house. We  stopped down the block and turned off the headlights, watching with  suicidal fascination. I wanted to look, but I knew on some unconscious  level it was going to hurt. Whatever we saw was going to open me up and  rip me to shreds, but I couldn't look away.

He opened his car door and climbed out, stretching up toward the sky,  obviously tight from the long drive. He grabbed his briefcase from the  backseat and walked toward the two-story, cookie-cutter house. When he  was halfway up the path to the house, the door opened and my mouth gaped  as a small child ran toward him. Derrek dropped his briefcase and  crouched down, opening his arms. When the child, a girl if her long hair  was any indication, made it to him, he picked her up, hugging her  tightly. Then, as if my world couldn't fall apart any more, a woman came  out of the house, a smaller child held to her hip. She stood on the  front porch, watching Derrek and the little girl, a warm smile on her  face.

Derrek picked up his briefcase, never putting the little girl down, and  walked toward the door and the woman. When they met, he leaned into her  and pressed a kiss to her mouth and lingered there, their kiss obviously  deep and heated. Then, he bent down a little and pressed a kiss to the  forehead of the small child she held. They all turned and went into the  perfect house.

"Holy shit." Sam's voice was quiet and confounded. "Holy," she said louder and turned to me. "Shit."

"Sam, please drive away now," I muttered.

"Holy shit!" she said as she put the car in drive and made a U-turn,  taking us out of the neighborhood without driving past the house. "What  in holy hell did we just see, Lena?"

"I think we just found the answer to our question, Sam. Derrek is definitely cheating on me."

"Yeah, no shit." She looked at me with worried eyes. "Sorry, Lena. That just came out. Are you okay?"

No. No, I wasn't. I was currently longing for the orange,  Cheeto-dust-filled laughter I'd had about an hour earlier, before I knew  for sure my husband was cheating. Only, he wasn't just cheating. No,  what he was doing was so much more than cheating. He had a whole other  life  –  a family  –  an hour outside the city.

Suddenly, I was questioning my own sanity. Questioning whether I had an  accurate or firm grip on reality. I had spent the last seven years of my  life married to Derrek, hadn't I? We shared a house and a life and a  history, right? How, if what I had seen minutes before was true, if he  did in fact have a whole other life, hadn't I noticed? How could I have  not realized what was going on around me? How did you keep an entire  family hidden?

"I'm so confused," I whispered.

"No fucking shit, Lena. What the hell is going on?" Sam sounded frantic, like her grip on reality was also in question.

"Derrek seems to be leading a double life," I said, sounding  astonishingly calmer than I was feeling. "Although, truth be told, in  order to be leading a double life, both lives have to be real lives.  Obviously, he's focusing more on his other life than the one he's  leading with me."

"Do you think those were his children?" Sam pondered.

"What other conclusion are we to jump to? What other plausible explanation can there be?"

"Does he have a sister? Could those be his nieces or something?"

"I think I'd rather him be leading a double life than think about him  kissing his sister like that. Plus, no, he doesn't have any siblings." I  took a deep breath in. I knew he was cheating; there was no other  explanation. And I knew why the deception was taken to this level. I  felt my stomach bottom out and saliva start to pool in my mouth. "Sam,  pull over," I cried, my hand coming to cover my mouth. Luckily, we were  still in suburbia, so she was able to veer the car to the curb quickly. I  opened the door, stumbled out, and I threw up onto the sidewalk. I  retched and heaved until there was nothing left in my stomach, and I  immediately regretted the neon orange Cheetos.

"Here," Sam said as I climbed back into the car, handing me a bottle of water left over from our snack attack earlier.

"Thanks." I took a sip.

"You all right?" she asked softly.

"Sam, do me a favor and don't ask me dumb questions. I'm not okay. This is not okay."

"Well, what are we going to do now?"

"Can you please just take me home?"



When we finally made it back to my house Sam was reluctant to leave me  there alone, but I made her drive away, needing some time to myself.

"If he comes back tonight and you need someone, call me, Lena. Okay?"

"Sure," I said, unconvincingly. Sam reached across the console and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, hugging me close.

"I'm so sorry, Lena. If I thought we were going to see him, see that, I  wouldn't have ever pushed you to do this." Her voice was a quiet  whisper, and I could hear the remorse and guilt lacing her words.

"It's not your fault, Sam." She didn't respond, just squeezed me a little harder. "I'll call you tomorrow."

When I entered the house, I pushed the door shut behind me and stood in  the foyer, listening to the silence. The darkness wrapped around me, the  quiet flooding the black space. I'd lived in this house for six years,  but never had it felt this huge, empty, or cold.

I took a deep breath and made my way back to my bedroom, walking the  entire way in the dark. I didn't need any light. I knew the hallways  well enough, and every once in a while I'd pass a room with windows and  the moonlight granted me a little visibility. But I didn't want to see  the house. I didn't want to see the pictures hanging on the wall. I  didn't want to see the couch in the living room Derrek and I made love  on multiple times. I didn't want to see his clothes still hanging in the  closet.

I walked back to our bedroom and went to my side of the bed, trying to  keep my eyes from wandering to his. I slid my shoes off my feet, leaving  them to rest on the floor by my bedside table, then peeled off my  ridiculous black outfit, and crawled into bed. The cool sheets felt good  on my skin, overheated from the events of the evening, my blood running  hot from what I'd seen. I rolled toward the window so I wasn't facing  Derrek's side of the bed, and I placed my hands underneath my cheek, and  gazed out into the darkness.

I spent the entire night awake, resting in that bed, replaying what I'd  seen in my head. At one point, I felt a single tear slide down the side  of my face and onto my hands, but I hadn't realized I was crying and it  didn't last long.

My feelings fluctuated from being angry with Derrek, to being  disappointed in myself. One moment I was mad at him for cheating on me,  and the next I was angry with him for not just asking for a divorce  before he built a whole new family, a whole new life. I was angry with  myself, too, perhaps even more than I was with Derrek. I'd done this to  myself, set myself up for this, made myself a victim.

When the sunlight started streaking through the window, I decided to get  out of bed and start my day. I wasn't surprised Derrek hadn't come  home. He'd looked like he was pretty settled where he had been. I  listened all night for the sounds of him coming into the house, but  everything was silent. Most of me was glad he hadn't come home, for I  hadn't quite figured out what my plan of action was.