"I thought you pulled away because you were mad at me. It was as if every time I called, you were upset with me for leaving you."
"I was never mad at you. I totally understand why you left. I would have too. It was just better for me to not talk to you for a while, to let him do his thing."
"And what thing is that?"
"He has to be the one to tell you. He at least deserves that."
"Ugh! Why is everyone protecting him? He lied, Sam. He begged me to trust him and then he lied."
"You're right, and you have every reason to be upset, but do yourself a favor and just hear him out."
"What if what he tells me just breaks me even more?"
"It won't," she said with a surprising amount of certainty in her voice. "He might be able to put you back together."
"Did you fly all the way out here just to tell me you're on his side?" I asked my question with a pout, but regardless, I was glad Sam was there for any reason. I'd missed her more than I realized.
"I'm on your side, always."
"Well, I need to run before I can even think straight. Want to come with me?"
"I just took the red-eye over an ocean," she said with a raised eyebrow.
"Okay, point taken. Wanna take a nap on my bed?"
"I knew we were best friends for a reason."
Sam changed into some comfy clothes and crawled into my bed as I put on my running gear. I left the house and made it to the beach. The sky was still watercolor hues of red and orange. It looked like a painting and I took just a moment to breathe in the clean air and appreciate the fact that I was, in fact, in paradise. If there was anywhere to have some sort of quarter-life crisis, this was the place.
With a little bit of the weight lifted from my shoulders, I began my run, again seeking that place where my brain could empty out and let clarity seep in. I needed clarity more in that instant than ever before.
I don't know why I was surprised to see Parker jog up next to me at our usual spot, but I was. I guess I figured that since the jig was up, there was no need for him to run with me anymore.
"Hey, Lena," he said easily as he fell into pace beside me.
"Parker," I replied, coolly.
"Good to see you out and about. I was worried you'd close up and hide in your apartment. Or even worse, run."
"I am running."
"I meant run away, like you did before when you left Oregon."
"Excuse me?" I snapped, stopping in my tracks. "I didn't run away from anything in Oregon. There was nothing left there to run away from."
"Except Preston."
"You're delusional," I said as I started to run again, only this time I went faster.
"Just promise me you'll at least listen to him, Lena. Give him a chance to explain."
"For crying out loud! How is every single person I know on his side? Do you know what he did to me? Did he tell you he did the exact opposite of what he was supposed to do? That he lied to me? That he made me believe he was working for me when, in fact, he was working against me?"
"He wasn't against you. Please, you just have to listen to him."
"Why does it matter so much to you?"
"Because he's my brother and, even though this might be hard for you to see right now, he's never cared for anyone like he cares for you."
I scoffed. "Well, yippee. How did I get so lucky to be the one he cares about so much he lies and manipulates me?"
"Lena … "
Parker was pushy; I could give him that.
"Fine! I'll let him explain, but if I listen to him and ask him to leave and never speak to me again, you all have to leave me alone. It has to end when I say so."
"Deal," he said without hesitation.
I looked over at him and slowed my pace until I was stopped and Parker was facing me. "You really believe in him, don't you? You think he's going to explain himself and I'm just going to fall all over him again?"
"I just think he deserves the opportunity to explain his side of the situation. And you deserve to hear it, too."
I couldn't argue with him. I did deserve to hear what happened. I just wasn't sure I wanted to know.
"Can I run by myself now?" I kicked some sand, feeling a little like a petulant child. "I'd like a few minutes alone to get my thoughts in order."
"Sure," Parker smiled. "And thank you, Lena."
"He really cares?" The question slipped from my mouth before I even realized I'd thought it. It tumbled right out in the open and my heart stopped, waiting for the answer.
"I don't think ‘cares' is a big enough word to wrap around how he feels about you." His voice was soft and careful. It was also honest. I could tell he believed what he just said, and for the first time in months, I let myself believe too. But just a little and only for a moment. Then I tamped it back down. There was no one who was going to protect me except me.
After over an hour of running, I made my way back to the apartment and purposefully took the back staircase to avoid walking past the apartment containing Preston. I'd listen to him as I'd promised Parker, but it didn't mean I wanted him to see me all sweaty and sandy.
When I entered the apartment, Piper was sitting on the couch with a mug in her hand. She looked as if she was waiting for me. She opened her mouth and I immediately held my hand up to stop her.
"Parker already got to me. I told him I'd listen to Preston, so you can save the diatribe. I've been converted."
She smiled at my words. "I knew Parker would get his point across."
"Yeah, well, he can be pretty convincing when he wants to be."
"He's a lawyer," she said with a shrug.
"You know what? I'm pretty sure I knew that. Dammit! I shouldn't have let him corner me."
"It'll all be good, Lena. I promise."
"Well, just because I agreed to hear him out doesn't mean you're off the hook. You lied to me too," I said as I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. It surprised me in the moment when I realized I wasn't really upset with Piper. Or Parker for that matter. They didn't hurt me with their lies. If anything, they were a distraction when I was in such a dark place and they helped me. I couldn't be mad at them for that. But I could give them both a hard time about it. I took a long drink of cold water and then looked back to Piper.
"I'm sorry. I know I lied to you, but really, I was just trying to make sure you were all right. Preston didn't want you all alone."
I let her words sink in and took them for what they were worth: a sister doing a favor for her brother. She wasn't trying to hurt me, or harm me, she was just making sure I wasn't sad and alone. I pushed off the edge of the counter I'd been leaning against. "I know. It's all right."
She looked relieved at my words. "You know, Preston asked me to come out here and watch over you, but he never asked me to be friends with you. I wanted to be your friend that first day we met. I never lied to you about the important stuff. I'm exactly the person I portrayed to you."
"Ha. Except for that one important fact of who your brother is." I dropped my tired body onto the couch next to her, leaning my head back on the cushion.
"Well, I got the impression that if I told you I was his sister, you would've run in the other direction."
"You would've been correct," I said with a smile. I heard a door open down the hallway, followed by footsteps. Sam came around the corner, hair a mess, eyes half closed.
"Your phone keeps vibrating," she said as she walked toward me with her arm out like a zombie, handing my phone to me.
"Piper, this is my best friend, Sam."
Sam and Piper had identical, guilty looks on their faces.
"Let me guess, you already know each other?" I asked, rolling my eyes. They both exchanged small smiles with each other and then gave me identical shoulder shrugs. "Shut up."
"We met in Portland before I came out here," Piper said sheepishly.
"Of course you did." I didn't even have the energy to let that bother me. "Anything else I should know about?"
Again, Piper and Sam exchanged looks.
"I don't think so," Sam said.
I looked down at my phone and saw a text from Preston.
**Please tell me I can see you today.**
I sighed and tried to ignore the part of me that was secretly excited to see him again. I hadn't been able to really look at him the night before.
**Meet me for coffee in two hours.**
I sent him a link to the coffee shop I'd met Piper in and then looked up to my two friends who were eyeing me with expectant looks on their faces.
"I'm going to have coffee with him," I said reluctantly. I stood up from the couch to get ready and shook my head, half in exasperation and half in amusement, when Piper and Sam gave each other a loud high-five.
I sat in the far corner of the coffee shop watching the door nervously. I arrived thirty minutes early, wanting to arrive before Preston to avoid having him buy me coffee. I needed this meeting to be nothing like a date. I didn't want him thinking I'd agree to see him and we would immediately fall back into that wild, passionate affair we'd had before. No. I needed to maintain the upper hand, needed to be the one in control of the situation. I knew the instant I conceded the control, Preston would take it and I'd never get it back. I took a deep breath in, trying to ignore the goose bumps spreading over my skin at the thought of Preston wielding control over me.