The bus dropped me off at a stop just blocks from the building which housed the firm. The walk allowed me to work out some of my last minute jitters. I hadn't been through a job interview since I was just out of college, so I was hoping my skills were still intact and just lying dormant, waiting for the right moment to show themselves again.
Luckily, the woman I interviewed with seemed to take to me from the very instant we met, and forty-five minutes into my interview, I found myself shaking hands with the human resources manager and accepting a job offer.
I should have been ecstatic. I should have been overjoyed. And even though I was happy and a bit relieved, I couldn't grab a hold of the joy that was just out of my reach. The sorrow was still too thick to wade through and it clouded everything that might have brought me a smile in the past. When someone gets a new job, one they desperately need, excitement should be immediate. But I was morose.
With one giant "To-Do" ticked off my list, I settled into a large and comfortable recliner at the nearest coffee shop to browse the housing ads in the local newspaper. With an iced mocha by my side, I let out a sigh, and prepared myself for what I had always heard was an expensive housing market.
I did a general sweep first, looking at one-bedroom apartments or rentals, finding the results to be a little intimidating. I still had plenty of money saved from what I walked away with, but I wanted to be smart with my money, especially since I wouldn't be seeing a paycheck for at least another month.
"Excuse me," I heard a female voice say, and turned to see a woman looking at me with a pleasant smile on her face. "Hi," she said cautiously. "I couldn't help but notice you were looking at the ads for apartments."
I looked down at my newspaper with big, dark circles around the apartment listings I'd found. "Uh, yeah," I answered hesitantly.
"Oh, my gosh," she exclaimed, taking the chair right next to mine and setting her oversized purse on the ground next to her feet. "Isn't it ridiculous how much they want for a tiny little studio apartment? I mean, I knew Hawaii was going to be expensive, but I wasn't prepared for this kind of expensive, ya know?" She looked at me expectantly as she took a sip from her drink.
I nodded. "I agree, it is a little outrageous." I smiled at her because it seemed like the polite thing to do, but I wasn't sure what else to say, so I just went back to looking at my newspaper.
"Where abouts are you looking to move?"
"Um," I put my pen down, relenting to the fact that we were going to have a conversation. "I'm not sold on any particular area, just someplace not too far from my job since I'll be taking the bus for the foreseeable future."
"That's smart," she said, nodding. "I'm not looking in one area specifically either, just trying to find something I can afford." She paused, sipping again through her straw. "Where are you staying now?"
"In a motel."
"Oh, my gosh, me too! Isn't it horrible? The place I'm staying is decent, but I'm tired of sleeping in someone else's bed."
"I am too."
"I'm staying at a little motel not far from here. But the woman who runs it is so sweet. Her name's Rose and she has nearly become my surrogate mom since I got here."
My ears perked up at the mention of Rose. "You mean Rose at the Sea Breeze Motel?"
"Yes! Oh, my gosh, you know Rose?" she said excitedly.
I laughed. "I'm staying there too, and she is like a surrogate mother." I smiled now, a sincere smile, because Rose really was a lifesaver. She had come to check on me multiple times during the first two weeks I was there, making sure I wasn't wallowing all the time. Even though I'd never told her the reason I'd come to the island, she had been able to figure out it had to do with a man. She'd given me all the advice I'd expect a mother to give, although, Rose wasn't a mother.
"How funny. How long have you been there? I haven't seen you around."
"Oh," I said, waving a hand in the air, trying to dismiss her question, "I haven't been very social. I'm a ‘stay in my room and watch reruns of Friends kind of girl."
"You sound like my kind of gal!" She held her hand out to me saying, "I'm Becky. I came here all the way from the East Coast in need of a serious change of scenery."
I shook her hand, still smiling, as Becky admittedly grew on me. "My name's Lena."
"Oh, pretty name! Is it European?"
"Russian, actually, on my father's side. My mother was Italian."
"Well, that explains why you're so pretty," she said with so much earnest. All I could do was mirror her smile. For just one tiny moment, her friendliness and openness made me forget everything bad that had brought me here. She was smiling and I was smiling, and an actual laugh bubbled up. An honest-to-goodness laugh. She was a breath of fresh air.
"Thank you, that's very sweet."
Becky's gaze on me was almost unnerving; it was so innocent. She looked as though she'd found a new best friend in me, like I was her newest shiny toy.
"Do you want to ride back to the motel with me?" Becky's eyes were soft and questioning, and I couldn't help but think that after everything that had happened in the last couple of weeks, a friend was something I shouldn't turn away.
"Sure," I replied, glad to have someone to share the ride with.
We talked non-stop all the way back to the motel. I learned Becky was very close to my age, only older by a bit. We shared a passion for cooking, even if we both couldn't find the time to indulge. And since we both lived in a motel, cooking wasn't really an option.
Becky was friendly, bubbly, and an excellent listener. In fact, she listened almost as well as she chatted, and she was a chatter. When she spoke, it was nearly at hyper speed, as if she were afraid the words would melt away before she got a chance to speak them.
When we came to our stop, we didn't stop talking, just walked side-by-side all the way to the motel, ending up right in front of my door.
"Thanks for riding back with me," Becky said. "Room number six, huh? I'm in twenty-two, upstairs. I'd invite you up, but I'm pretty beat. Long day."
"Me too. Thanks, though, for introducing yourself. I haven't enjoyed myself this much in weeks."
"Well, what are you doing tomorrow? Want to hunt for apartments together? It would be better than doing it all alone." She looked hopeful and I honestly thought it would be much better to hunt for a place to live with Becky than alone.
"Sure. That sounds great. Wanna meet out here at, like, ten?"
Her mouth pulled up into a beautiful smile. "Sounds like a plan. See you later." She turned and I watched as she disappeared around a corner. I heard her footsteps up the stairs, and just took a moment to reflect, staring out at the beautiful scenery around me.
Today had been a good day. The first I'd had in weeks. Without provocation and for my own reasons, a smile spread across my face.
Instead of going into my room, I turned and headed for the sidewalk, leading toward a convenience store only a block away.
With the excitement taking over, I walked in and went straight for the counter, knowing the pre-paid cell phones hung on pegs right below. I'd eyed them before, knowing eventually I'd need one, but before now I couldn't bring myself to purchase one. I wasn't ready to talk to anyone, didn't know what I would say. But today I wanted to talk to my best friend.
I picked out a simple phone and paid, then nearly jogged back to my room. I opened the package and followed the directions for activation, and when the screen lit up, my heart sped up as well. I dialed her number carefully, making sure I hit all the right numbers, and then I put the phone to my ear, breathing rapidly.
After a few rings, I heard her voice and my smile grew tenfold.
"Hello?" She was confused by the unknown number, I assumed. I took a deep breath and responded.
"Hey, Sam," I whispered.
"Who … ? Lena? Is that you?"
"Yes, it's me."
"Lena, oh, my God! Where are you? Are you okay?" She immediately started crying, and to hear her speaking through tears wrenched at my heart. My eyes welled with tears and I cried as I answered her.
"Sam, it's so good to hear your voice. I miss you. So much."
"Lena," she cried again. Then we both sat on the line crying, and I wished I could hug her.
"I'm sorry I haven't called. I'm sorry."
I heard her sniffle and the crying tapered off. Then I laughed as I heard her blow her nose so loudly it was comical.
"Where are you?" she asked again. I wasn't sure I should tell her where I was, not yet at least.
"I'm safe," was the only response I could think of.
"Where?"
"Sam, it's not important."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes. No. I don't know. I'm fine. I'm doing all right. But no, I'm not okay. I don't know if I'll ever be okay."