The Princess and the Peer(60)

He indulged her for another minute before rolling the pair of them onto their sides. Brushing her hair from her face, he touched his lips tenderly to hers. “You must be tired,” he murmured, running his fingertips over her face as if he couldn’t bear to stop touching her. “When you’re ready, we’ll go upstairs.”

But I will never be ready, she thought, pain twisting like a knot in her chest. I don’t want to leave you.

Gooseflesh rose across her skin, an icy chill erasing all the happiness on to which she was trying so desperately to hold. Some of her emotions must have shown on her face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she lied.

He rested a finger beneath her chin and compelled her to look at him. “You are worrying and there is no need. Do you think after tonight that I have any intention of letting you go? Because I don’t. You gave your innocence to me and I do not take that lightly. From this time forward, Emma White, you belong to me and only me.”

Capturing her mouth, he gave her a slow, deep kiss that was both a pledge and an act of possession. Her senses spun anew, and she melted as she always did when he touched her, knowing he was right.

She did belong to him. Now and forever.

At length, he eased away. “I would talk now, but it’s late and you need to sleep. We’ll settle everything in the morning, I promise. For now, you are to have no worries or fears, since there is no reason for either.”

But he was wrong. There was a great deal to fear, the worst being how she was ever going to find the strength to leave him. He’d said they would settle everything between them in the morning. What did he mean? Could he possibly be intending to ask her to marry him?

Her heart gave a squeeze of bittersweet pain and joy, longing to hear the question to which she could never allow herself to say yes. For even if she were not already promised to another, a marriage between her and Nick was impossible. Her family would never approve. As a royal, she was expected to marry another royal; they would never allow her to become the wife of an Englishman, even if he did happen to be a wealthy peer of the realm.

No, she would have to leave him. She didn’t want to imagine how hard it was going to be, like ripping her heart straight out of her chest. But it must be done no matter how difficult or agonizing.

But how?

She knew that talking to him in the morning would not work. All he would need to do was kiss her, whisper a few persuasive words, and she would bend to his will, as pliable as a willow tree.

Which left only one choice—she would have to run.

Tears burned her eyes, but she blinked them away so he would not see. “You’re right,” she said in a voice that sounded dead to her own ears. “I am tired and need to sleep.”

But there would be no sleep tonight for her—only impending anguish.

Forcing a wooden smile, she let him help put her to rights. Heat rose into her face when he wiped a wide smear of blood off her thighs with a handkerchief he pulled from his trousers’ pocket. But in spite of the trouble her lack of innocence might cause later, she did not regret giving herself to Nick. She was glad, fiercely so, that he had been her first.

Her first lover.

Her first—and only—love.

He pulled her nightgown over her legs, then fit her back into her robe, tying the sash closed with a gentle tug.

She watched, drinking in the sight of him as he shrugged into his shirt and fastened his trousers. With a smile, he held out a hand. “Come. Let’s go upstairs. I believe you’ll find my bed far more comfortable than this sofa.”

His bed!

She trembled with delight at the idea, but she couldn’t risk it. She had to leave—and this morning, before anyone was awake, would be her only real opportunity to make good her escape.

“I can’t,” she said.

He arched a brow. “Why? Don’t you trust me to let you sleep?”

She stared for a moment; she hadn’t even thought of that. Quickly, she shook her head. “No, I trust you. And I do want to stay with you”—God knows I do—“it’s just that with your aunt in residence I think we should make some attempt to observe the proprieties.”

His lips twitched. “Observe the proprieties? Seems a bit late for that.”

“Just because we are lovers now doesn’t mean we need to flaunt that fact. Besides, if I’m discovered in your bed, the servants will be telling everyone they know.”

His humor faded. “My servants are more discreet than that. But still, I suppose you have a point. I could always sneak you back to your room at dawn.”

He could, she thought, longing for a couple more hours in his arms. But it would be cutting matters far too close for her to stay with him, and if he were awake, he might hear her leave.