If she phoned him, she really could hear his voice in her ear. She could air her thoughts and get the truth about Vanu off her chest. Yes, she’d have to live with the consequences of that decision, but could that be any worse that sitting in this prickly nest of lies and half truths?
She sat up and eased her feet down onto the cool tile floor. Pressed her hand to her belly for a moment for strength, even though she wasn’t sure whether her sudden plan would be good or bad for her baby.
She crept across the dark room and found her phone where it lay on top of the dresser. She rarely used it, since she usually went to see her friends and her mom in person for a chat, like most people in Rahiri.
But L.A. was too far away for a drop-in visit.
She picked up the phone with a steady hand. It was after 2:00 a.m., so past midnight in L.A. Not a great time for a call.
Her heart pumped faster. She should really put the phone down and go back to bed.
Instead she opened the top drawer and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She didn’t have AJ’s address and phone number in L.A.—why would she?—but she’d found them in the old leather-bound address book Priia kept on her study desk. She wasn’t sure at the time why she wanted them, just that she did. She’d already mapped AJ’s address on the computer and peeped at the “bird’s-eye view” of his sleek apartment building, like a spy on a covert mission.
She murmured his phone number like a mantra, knowing that at any time she could invoke him—live and in person—with a few pressed buttons. She knew from watching him that AJ answered nearly every call he got, which was a lot, so she was fairly sure he’d pick up at any time of the day or night.
And after midnight he’d be home alone.
At least she hoped he would. Fear flashed through her. What if he’d forgotten her already and was lost in the arms of a lascivious starlet?
She inhaled a deep breath and pressed the cool phone to her mouth for a moment. Didn’t matter. She wasn’t calling to beg him to come back, or tell him she loved him and couldn’t live without him. Her only goal was to tell him the truth about Vanu, just because it felt right.
And to hear his voice one last time.
Her trembling fingertips had trouble hitting the right buttons on the tiny phone and she misdialed twice before she finally got the number right.
It rang. Why had she decided to call so late at night? It was rude. He’d probably be annoyed. Her thumb hovered over the disconnect button while her breath caught in her lungs.
Then he answered. “Hello.” The sound of his voice sent a shock wave of emotion through her. She didn’t know what to say.
“Hello, AJ.”
“Lani.” He sounded shocked. He could probably tell from the number that the call was from Rahiri, but he obviously didn’t know it was her. They’d never talked on the phone before.
“Yes, it’s me.” Her head swam with such a tangle of thoughts that her mind went completely blank. “How are you?”
“Getting along. Keeping busy. How are you?”
Lani paced her bedroom. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Phony pleasantries exchanged like strangers. “I’m fine.” She wanted to say so much more, to shout it. To pour out her feelings and tell him how much she missed him.
“And the baby?”
“Good. At least I think so. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, but I’ve been feeling pretty good.” Except for the nausea, but that probably was stress this time. “I’m sorry to call so late.”
“Is Mom okay?” His voice filled with concern. He must be wondering exactly why she would call in the middle of the night.
“Yes. She’s really busy with the coronation plans. She misses you, of course.” She then regretted saying that, like she was trying to prod him to guilt. She really should get to the point before she lost her nerve and kept the truth to herself forever. “I called to tell you something.”
“Oh?” He sounded reserved. What did he think she would say? That she loved him and wanted him to come back? Her face heated. If only her thoughts would stop running away with her.
“It’s that…” she hesitated. How did you tell someone that you hated their brother? “Vanu and me… We didn’t…we weren’t…” Words hovered just out of reach. AJ was totally silent at the other end. “I didn’t love him.”
AJ said nothing. She could imagine him frowning. Thinking.
“I didn’t like him.” Emboldened by his silence, she went on. “He was cold to me, cruel, even.” She swallowed, and walked back across the dark bedroom. “I hated him.”