The Prince's Chambermaid(26)

'Anything specific?' she questioned, in a light tone. The kind of tone  she'd once used to ask people if they'd like an extra blanket or not.

'Oh, I don't know-everything.' The words left his mouth with soft,  explosive savagery, a torrent he'd been trying to deny for too long-even  to himself. 'I hate it all. The demands. The lack of freedom and  privacy. The way that everyone wants something from you. Everybody has a  damned agenda.'

'But surely that was always the case? You've been royal all your life, Xaviero.'

'Only when I had to be.' He lifted his hand up to rake it back through  the ebony hair, the light glinting off the pale gold of his crested  cufflink. 'Why do you think I went to live in New York, where I was able  to live a reasonably anonymous life? Because I didn't want to stand  out. It's why I picked the isolation of the countryside, when I decided  to settle in England.'

'Then this happened, out of the blue,' she said slowly, praying that his  valet or her lady-in-waiting wouldn't come in and disturb them-because  Xaviero had never talked to her like this before. 'And there was  absolutely nothing you could do about it.'

'No. My fate has been sealed,' he said, with an air of finality, and  then his face darkened. 'And yet I have no right to express any kind of  dissatisfaction with my lot. How can I-when my brother is lying  insensible in what seems like a cruel enactment of our mother's demise?  And if I'm honest-really honest-weren't there times in our childhood  when I wanted the monarchy? When I wished it was me being prepared for  the kingdom, not Casimiro. What is it that they say,' he added bitterly.  'Be careful what you wish for.'

Cathy flinched, praying for the right words as she saw the deepening of  the painful lines etched in his face. Something which could lessen his  grief and his guilt and might make him see the positives in a life he  would never have chosen for himself. Couldn't she persuade him that  together they could learn a different way of living-if he was prepared  to give it a try? But before she could speak, there was a gentle tap on  the door and Xaviero opened it himself to find one of the butlers  standing there.

Black eyebrows were arched in impatient query. 'Yes, what is it?'

'Highness, your guests have arrived.'

Xaviero nodded, wishing for a brief and crazy moment that he were back  in her tiny cottage, sitting in the soft, scented oasis of her garden,  drinking wine from those ridiculous cheap little tumblers she used to  use. But there was no use yearning for the impossible-because hadn't he  learnt by now that duty always came first? And how could he expect Cathy  to adhere to that principle if he found he was trying to shirk it  himself? 'We'll be right down.' He turned to her. 'Ready?'                       
       
           



       

'Yes.' She hesitated. 'Xaviero, there must be something you could-'

'Forget it.' Although soft, his tone was emphatic. 'It doesn't matter.'

She wanted to say that it did-but her heart sank as she saw the now  familiar cool mask back in place and she sensed his confidences of just a  moment ago already being erased from his mind. And yet his  disclosures-far from bringing her closer to him-had left her feeling  distinctly unsettled. Insecurity flooded through her as she realised she  hadn't been imagining his frustration at his life here at all. And what  would happen if that frustration built and built?

Side by side they walked into the anteroom where the assembled guests  were waiting and Cathy carefully composed her face to prepare herself  for the inevitable scrutiny. She was used to this by now-the way the  women always looked her over and sized her up, as if trying to decide  whether she was fit to be married to such a devastatingly handsome and  eligible prince.

This was the part of the evening where she and Xaviero again went their  separate ways-she to chat to the wives of the visiting delegation and to  sip at a glass of water. She had given up taking wine before or during  the meal-it made her grow too pink and uninhibited and sometimes she had  to bite back things she really wanted to say.

It's as much a prison for me as it is for Xaviero, she realised suddenly  as they were led into dinner, to opposite ends of the formally  decorated table.

She watched Xaviero during the meal, her eyes straying to him despite  her determination to respond enthusiastically to the man seated next to  her. From time to time he would look up, his golden eyes sparking out a  silent question-occasionally, he would even toss her a slow smile. And  Cathy was aware that she seized on these little crumbs of affection as a  starving dog would a piece of meat.

She saw the sultry woman at his side slant him a beguiling smile-and, to  be fair to Xaviero, he didn't respond to it at all. No telltale silent  flirtation in return. But that was because they were newlyweds-when she  was still completely captivating to him in the bedroom and he couldn't  seem to get enough of her. What would happen when that wore off-as  people always said it did?

Trapped within the confines of their largely separate lives-might not  Xaviero choose to dabble a little elsewhere, as royal men throughout  history had been inclined to do? The opportunity was always there for  them-they could have their pick of women so eager to bed a prince that  discretion would be guaranteed. Why, didn't weak and ambitious men  sometimes even offer up their wives as some kind of noble sexual  sacrifice?

Maybe that was another reason why he had chosen a compliant wife-one so  grateful to be married to him that she would put up with just about  anything. Was he expecting her to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions  as royal wives were famous for doing? She shuddered, quickly putting her  heavy fork down before she did something unforgivable-like dropping it  on one of the porcelain plates.

But it was like finding a tiny tear in an old dress and poking your  finger inside it-only to discover that you were making the hole much  bigger. It was as if tonight had opened the floodgates on all the  inadequacies in their relationship-or had Xaviero's own words of  dissatisfaction about his life helped to crystallise her own?

We've never even talked about children, she realised. Quickly, she  gulped down a mouthful of water and felt it refresh her parched lips,  but underneath the table her knees were trembling. Xaviero had continued  to use protection after their marriage and she hadn't even questioned  it-just tacitly accepted it as she had done so much else. Oh, she was  certainly compliant! Did he want children? And could she bring children  into this kind of peculiar marriage-or was this a 'normal' marriage in  the royal world?

I'll ask him, she thought-though a wave of dark misery swept over her. I'll ask him tonight.

Dessert appeared-an extravagant confection of lemon cream and spun  sugar-and Cathy was eyeing it unenthusiastically when one of Xaviero's  aides entered the room and went immediately over to his side to speak  softly in the Prince's ear.

Even without her crash-course in protocol, Cathy would have known that  it was rare indeed for the Prince Regent to be interrupted when he was  in the middle of an official dinner. And rarer still for Xaviero to  suddenly rise to his feet, his face growing ashen.

Something was wrong. Helplessly, her fingers clutched at her napkin. She  wanted to ask him what was happening but, of course, she couldn't do  that for he wouldn't dream of telling her before an audience.                       
       
           



       

And then another aide entered and Xaviero quickly joined him at the side  of the room, bending his dark head as the man spoke in a low, urgent  tone in his ear. By now all the guests had abandoned any pretence at  continuing with their dinner-as everyone seemed to sense that something  momentous was happening.

What the hell was going on?

Xaviero's face grew suddenly taut as he spoke in a low voice to the  assembled company. 'I regret to say that urgent matters of state mean  that my wife and I must now leave you,' he said, and then paused before  the golden eyes seared into her. 'Catherine, you will please join me?'

It felt like a summons, it most definitely was a summons, and never had a  walk seemed so long as Cathy found her feet and slowly walked down the  long dining room towards him. Searching his face for some sort of clue  for the reasons behind this extraordinary break with protocol, she found  none. Just a bleak and unfathomable countenance, but then, wasn't that  Xaviero all over-because since when had she ever been able to read  anything in his shuttered face?

In silence, they left the room-the aides following at a discreet  distance-and once they were out of earshot of the assembled dignitaries  she turned to him in perplexity.

'Xaviero, what on earth is going on?'

He seemed to struggle to find the right words. 'The hospital has just rung-'