The Pretend Girlfriend(66)

She hated how comfortable the couch was, and wished then that he had some nice-looking but painful thing in its place. It's hard to stay angry when you're comfortable, she found.

"It's complicated," Aiden started.

"Everything's complicated. Life's complicated. Being complicated isn't an excuse. I'm sure I can understand, if you just give me the chance," Gwen said.

He waited another moment to see if she had finished her interruption, then continued, "You're right. It does come back to my father. But it's not just him. In the ride back here today, you mentioned my mother. She's part of it, too."

Gwen couldn't help herself. Anger makes you stupid. "What, does she also run a huge business? Maybe a rival to your father's, and now you have to choose between them?" It was funny how life could mimic a soap opera, she thought.

Aiden replied, "No. My mother died a long time ago, Gwen."

Embarrassment and guilt instantly drowned out the anger. Gwen wondered whether modern medicine had come up for a cure to foot-and-mouth disease yet. "I'm sorry..." she began. Aiden forestalled her with a raised hand.

"Don't worry about it. Like I said, it was a long time ago. I don't remember her at all."

"You must have been really young when it happened, then," Gwen said. She thought about how that must have been for him, growing up without a mother. That, in turn, made her feel so grateful and lucky that she grew up with both her parents alive and well, no matter how they thought of each other.

"Very," he said. He licked his lips and glanced around the apartment. This was hard for him. Gwen wanted to tel him it was okay, that he could stop now, but he barreled through.

"I killed her, actually..."

"That's ridiculous; you were just a baby!" Gwen said.

"Please, just let me finish... Yes, I was just a baby. There were complications during my birth. Henry couldn't be there. The doctor could only save one of us, and he picked me."

It was all so clear now. Maybe not all, she thought again, but at least in part.

"So Henry blames you for your mother's death. You feel guilty about it, and that's why you let him walk all over you, isn't it?"

Aiden stayed quiet. His eyes became glassy, and he rubbed at his chin. Gwen gave him his space. She wanted to scooch over and hug him, pull his cheek down to rest on her shoulder, but she didn't. Part of her knew she still felt angry at him.

Scraping together the strength, Aiden said, "He'd never admit it. He's never said anything about it at all, actually. In fact, I can't even remember hearing him say her name. But I know that's how he feels. I know that he's never forgiven me, and that I don't think he ever will."

"That's ridiculous," Gwen said, wanting to make him feel better, "Henry's a lot of things, but he's not stupid. He has to know it wasn't actually your fault, and that he shouldn't blame you."

"Maybe, but knowing something should be the case doesn't necessarily change how you feel. Emotions aren't rational."

Gwen could attest to that, anyway. If she had been a little more rational about this whole thing, she wasn't certain she'd be sitting there with him right now. If she'd been a little more rational, she probably would have accepted Henry's buy out and washed her hands of the whole affair.

However, that didn't mean she had to like it. "But still... are you sure? Haven't the two of you ever talked about it?"

Aiden ran his hands through his hair and let his head down slowly against the couch so that he stared at the ceiling. Though perhaps stared through the ceiling was a better choice of words. Gwen saw him as a man haunted by his past. A past he couldn't even remember. Unfortunately, Henry could remember.

"Yes," he said, "Sort of. It's difficult. Any time this comes up, Henry just throws himself even harder into Carbide Solutions. He pretty much founded the company to run away from his grief."

"To replace your mother, you mean," Gwen said.

Aiden just shrugged. It wasn't like him to not have some interesting tidbit of wisdom ready to go.

"So that's why you're doing all of this charity stuff? Trying to make the company look better? Has it replaced your mother for you, too?" Gwen said.

She found it touching, if also heartbreaking. It must have been awful for him, growing up with that ghost over his shoulder. And it was no wonder Henry was so protective of the company, if it represented his lost wife. And, in a way, rather protective of his son, who must also serve as a constant reminder of what, and who, he lost.

Gwen still didn’t like Henry Manning at all, but that didn't mean she couldn't have a bit of sympathy for him. If anger makes you stupid, then grief can drive you totally insane.

"I don't know. Maybe?" Aiden said, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm sure some psychologists would agree with you. To me, though, it's always felt to me like I owe him something. Something I can never pay off, but that I always need to try and do, for him, and for my mother."