"Go," I said with a laugh. "I don't mind. Promise. I'll watch. Take some photos even." He stared at me for just one more moment, but then Ruby called out to him, and he turned back to his children and joined them in line. I sighed and walked back to where I could watch the ride go round and round. A few minutes later the ride slowed and a new batch of riders loaded on. I smiled as Jax sped through the ride, weaving through the horses until he apparently found the perfect one. Ruby casually strolled behind him, picked a horse that seemed to do, and climbed aboard like she was doing it a favor by riding it. Devon chose the horse right beside Jax, which was a few behind Ruby. Nate and Evie picked a bench and cozily cuddled up to each other like no one else existed and the ride was built just for them. A smile pulled at my face, liking the way the two of them seemed to love each other so deeply.
The ride started and Jax bounced up and down on his horse. His eyes looked out to the crowd. I assumed he was searching for me, so when his gaze roamed in my direction I waved. His eyes locked on mine and he gave me an enthusiastic wave. I pulled out my phone and took pictures as everyone sailed past me. After two rotations my decision not to ride was reinforced as I started to feel ill, so I turned away and watched the people walking past me.
Chapter Six
Devon
Catching sight of Grace each time the ride went past her was like a shovel digging something up inside me. Why in the world would she come here just to stand by and watch us? I felt like shit for pressuring her to come now. Damn. I even made her buy her own ticket. I'd wanted her to say yes so badly, but I didn't think she'd come if it seemed even close to a date, so refusing to buy her ticket was more of a ploy to get her to say yes. Now I just felt like an idiot.
The ride slowed and I looked over at Jaxy again, who was all smiles. I loved seeing my kids smile. Ruby's smile, when it came around, was sweet and sincere. Someday-in the very far away future-Ruby would smile at a boy and he'd move the world to see her smile again. Jaxy's smile, however, was just pure joy and exuberance. He was all cheeks and teeth and happiness.
We stepped out of the gate and walked around to find Grace leaning against the fence surrounding the ride. She was looking down at her phone and I used the moment to take her in. My eyes started at the bottom and worked their way up. Her shapely legs were toned and mostly visible, as she'd worn white shorts. They weren't indecently short, but they definitely weren't made to be modest. She wore a dark blue shirt made of some material I imagined was as soft as it was billowy. It was sheer and through it I could see a white tank top with tiny straps. Her dark, shoulder-length hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She had on sunglasses, but before she'd put them on I'd noticed she wasn't wearing much makeup. Maybe just mascara. She looked fresh and clean.
The whole package was sexy as hell.
She didn't notice us until we were right in front of her. She gave me another smile and then held her phone up. On the screen was a photo of Jax and me smiling at each other, his horse up higher than mine, him looking down at me. We both looked happy. It occurred to me in that moment that since Olivia passed, there hadn't been many pictures taken of me with my kids. There was no one around to take them.
"Do you think you could text that to me?" I wanted a copy. I didn't know what I'd do with it, but I wanted it nevertheless.
"Um, sure," she said, seeming nervous for some reason, then turned the phone back around to look at the screen. I watched her thumbs moving quickly, then she handed it to me. "Just put your phone number in there."
Ah-ha. I tried not to smile as I punched in my phone number. "There you go."
She hit Send and I knew in a few moments I'd feel my phone buzz in my pocket. "Thanks."
"Dad, look!" I glanced down at Jaxy, who was pointing further into the park. "Pluto!" Sure enough, Pluto was traipsing through the park, only making it a few feet before stopping to hug children and take pictures with tourists. "Can we go meet him? Please?"
"Of course." I laughed. "That's why we're here." He grabbed my hand and practically dragged me through crowds of people until Pluto was standing right in front of us.
"Pluto!" Jaxy cried as he gave the tall dog one of his running hugs.
I smiled and then noticed Ruby standing next to me, indecision painted across her face. I gave her a nudge. "Go on." She looked up at me, rolled her eyes, and then slowly walked to join her brother, pretending to be irritated the whole time. When she approached Pluto he took his time with her, used his giant pronounced snout to sniff her out, pressing his nose into the side of her neck, making her laugh, then he pulled her into a hug. I let out a breath when she eagerly wrapped her arms around him in return.
"She's what? Eleven? You've got your work cut out for you," Grace said to me, taking in the scene with Ruby and Pluto.
"Don't I know it," I said with a chuckle. "I think she knows she got the short end of the stick, and she makes sure everyone else knows her life is hard." I let out a sigh. "I'm hoping it's a phase. If I'm lucky, by the time she gets to high school she'll realize that the hardships in life make us stronger, which means we can tackle more, not less." I looked down at Grace and was struck by her warm eyes. She'd pushed her sunglasses up to rest on top of her head, and her blue eyes were strikingly emotive.
"That's a really powerful stance to take. Is it how you really feel?" she asked, as quietly as she could and still be heard in Disney World. Her words were soft and hopeful, as if my answer were important to her.
"It has to be," I said, shrugging one shoulder. "After everything we've been through, nothing could be that hard again. It should make everything easier, right?" I watched as she considered my words, took them in, pondered them.
"I hope so," she said with a faint smile, bringing her sunglasses back down to her eyes.
It occurred to me as I watched her try to push back whatever was running through her mind, that perhaps I wasn't the only one who'd lived through something terrible.
The next few hours were spent following the children through the park. Ruby decided she didn't hate it there and actually started having a good time. She so rarely let her guard down that it was incredible to watch her laugh and smile unreservedly. My heart lurched at one point when I saw Ruby and Evie holding hands as they walked in front of us. Evelyn had always looked so similar to Olivia, especially from behind. But I was immediately drawn away from the image when Jaxy tugged me toward a food stand.
"I'm hungry, Daddy."
My watch indicated it was well past lunchtime, so I ruffled his hair and agreed it was time to eat. I called out to Ruby, Evie, and Nate, and we decided to find a table and then divide and conquer the food stands.
Nate offered to hold the table we eventually found and Jax wanted to stay with him. Ruby wanted to go with Evie, so that left Grace and me to bring back lunch for us and Jax.
"You have to let me buy you lunch. It's bad enough I made you buy your own ticket when you weren't even going to ride anything," I said, looking over at Grace, only to see her smiling.
"It's not a big deal. I'm having a good time."
"Still … ," I said, unsure of how else to convince her. "Jax wants a hot dog. If you'd like something else, just speak up and we'll find another place to grab you some lunch."
"Hot dogs are great," she said, still a little too compliant.
"Are you always this agreeable?"
She shrugged and then looked down at her feet. When she looked back up at me, her cheeks were pink. "I can be disagreeable." She flattened her lips, forcing the smile from them. I assumed she was trying to look menacing, but it just didn't work. Not with the sunlight creating a halo around her dark hair and the blue of her eyes sparkling up at me.
"Sure. I'll believe it when I see it." We both chuckled and then an uncomfortable silence settled between us.
"So, Evie and Nate seem great. Jax and Ruby really seem to love them. How do you know each other?"
I should have thought about this question coming up, should have formulated some sort of answer to have ready, since it was sort of an obvious one. But I hadn't thought that far ahead. And I had no idea what to tell her. A big part of me wanted to tell her everything, but things between us were awkward enough; unloading on her in the middle of Disney World probably wasn't best. But I wanted to tell her the truth. The need to be transparent with her was overwhelming, and I didn't want to stop and think about what that meant.
"Evie was my wife's best friend." There. That was the truth. Well, part of it. The easiest part.
"Oh," she replied, with obvious surprise. "Oh," she said again, this time with a somber tone. The line moved forward and so did we.
"Yeah. She was really close with the kids before we moved here. This is only the second time they've seen her since then. She splits her time between LA and Fairbanks, where Nate lives. Well, he splits his time too. Anyway … she wanted to come see the kids."
"That's great that she still gets to see them, and that they still have that part of their mother," she said softly. For some reason, it baffled me that she'd spoken the words I'd thought almost every time Evelyn had called or Skyped with them. In the long run, the good she did for the kids far outweighed any awkwardness between us. And the awkwardness seemed to have faded and dissipated.