He couldn’t leave things the way they were. Some way, somehow he had to fix this. She deserved that much.
After getting rid of the condom, he yanked on his shorts and jeans and went in search of her. She was in the kitchen. Fully dressed now in a pair of black slacks and a short-sleeved pink blouse, she stood at the sink, washing the dishes he used to feed Annie lunch. Sidling up behind her, he braced his hands on the counter on either side of her.
He meant the action to keep her from walking away again, but he could only focus on her soft curves brushing his. Only minutes before she’d been naked and writhing beneath him and his entire body hummed with the potent memory. They shared something and even he couldn’t deny it. The sheer restraint it took not to lean into her, not to wrap her in his arms, had tension knotting his shoulders.
It didn’t help matters any that when he leaned his head beside her ear, her soft floral scent swirled enticingly around him. Drawing a deep breath, he forced his mind to focus. He may not get another chance, and he needed her to hear him out.
“I won’t lie to you. I’d love nothing more than to explore this new aspect of our relationship. I’ve wanted you for a very long time. I also need you to believe you are anything but another notch on my bedpost. I have far too much respect for you to ever use you like that.” More than he had words to tell her. “But I can’t offer you anything more than this.”
He paused, drew in a deep breath, letting it out in a rush of air. The words tumbled out on a simple need to share them, to make her understand.
“Leila and I were together for over three years. I really thought she was it. Turned out she was like all the rest, and when it ended…” The painful memories rose up around him. He shook his head, lowering his voice. “It about killed me to watch her leave. I can’t do this again. I’m just not ready.”
He spoke nothing but the truth, but he hated saying it. It made him feel like a louse.
Emma shut off the water and turned in his arms, forcing him to straighten, and she leaned back against the counter. For a long moment, her eyes searched his, stared almost through him. Made him wonder what she looked for, what she saw, and if she’d voice it. Finally, one brow arched. “Did it ever occur to you I’m not asking for any of that?”
He shook his head with all the misery that twisted inside of him. “You deserve a hell of a lot more than a fling.”
“Maybe that’s not your decision to make.” She laid a hand against his chest, her fingers warm and soft against his skin. “I’m a grown woman. I’m not naïve. I know perfectly well what I’m doing, and I’m very capable of making my own decisions about what I want.”
He covered her hand with his, curling his fingers around hers, for reasons he didn’t want to fathom, needing the connection with her, however minute. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then stop treating me like I’m one of those women.” Her fingers curled against his. “We got caught up in each other. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that.”
Could it really be that simple? With anybody else the answer would be yes, but with Emma? He didn’t know. More than he cared to admit, he yearned to explore this side of her, this side of them, see where it led him. His body vibrated with the need to wrap his arms around her, if only to feel her against him.
Exactly why he shouldn’t. He’d never wanted anyone the way he wanted her. There’d always been something so soft, so honest about Emma that made him crave to be near her. The effect she had on him scared the hell out of him. He was starting to envision her in his life permanently. The vision of the three of them like a family came far too easily.
“Listen.” He took a step back and shoved his hands into his pockets. He forced himself to change the subject before he went mad thinking about it all. “It’s going to take me a bit of finagling, but I may have somewhere I’d like to take you tomorrow. If I can pull it off, will you go with me? I’d like to show you something.”
He had a surprise for her, had wanted to wait until the details were final before he sprang it on her, but now seemed the perfect time. With any luck, it would help bridge the gap between them. To prove once and for all he wasn’t the man she assumed him to be had become very important, and he hoped this would earn back some of her trust. Permanently.
It also gave him some place to focus his attention while he sorted out his thoughts.
Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You won’t tell me what it is.”
He shook his head. “I’d like it to be a surprise.”