Where was James’s flaw? He wasn’t sure if he really had one. Instead he had professional development needs – skills gaps, limitations and weaknesses. He wasn’t as good at Microsoft Access as he wanted to be, and his PowerPoint presentations weren’t very compelling. At a push, he supposed he had insecurities – he often felt lonely and worried about money, but they hardly counted in the same way.
‘So I need to get some flaws, is that what you’re saying?’
‘Well, to begin with, you could try to get yourself a bit more disliked by people. You need to stop fearing authority. In the end, they’ll admire you more for it.’
‘I don’t fear authority, I just respect it,’ said James.
Although actually, this wasn’t true. James did fear authority. He was for instance frightened of pretty much every member of the senior management team at Southwark Council. God, he’d even been scared of Lionel for the first two months. It just so happened that he liked authority as well. That was okay, wasn’t it – to both fear and like the same thing? It wasn’t as if he liked people because he was frightened of them. He was reasonably certain on that point.
‘Fear or – to put it more bluntly, cowardice – is, of course, the great inhibitor. The backbone of all conservative philosophies, the nourisher of suspicion and cynicism, the obstacle to progress, invention and improvement.’
Just then Erica returned with two other people, Camilla and Daniel. Camilla was an intimidating, antagonistic woman who immediately frightened him, but he was sure it was because of her anger rather than her status. It was partly deliberate, for while she could do little about the stern mouth, her chestnut hair had been tightly pulled back from her forehead, so the hairline was pre-emptively hostile. Daniel was compact, blond and savagely good-looking. He was twenty-seven years old and an international expert on social-media marketing.
‘It could be said with some justification that Daniel is the most famous person in the room,’ said Felix. ‘He’s got a blog that is actually read by people who aren’t other bloggers, and a Twitter persona with more than forty thousand followers.’
‘Oh, that’s great,’ said James. ‘I don’t really do Twitter or anything, but will definitely check it out. What’s it called?’
‘The recreational libertarian,’ said Daniel. ‘It’s a semi-fictionalised account of modern urban living, aimed at high-income professionals who haven’t been ensnared by the wrong kind of liberalism.’
At this point, Camilla initiated a discussion in a startling, creaking voice by declaring that advertising agencies would cease to exist in three years’ time, a statement which Erica and Felix proceeded to accept, expand upon, challenge and refute. It was a strange conversation: Camilla appeared to have little mastery of her emotions, and she spoke with unfathomable grievances. Meanwhile, Daniel started explaining to James about a flamboyant business scheme, which was intended to convert his popularity on the Internet into a source of revenue through branded content arrangements with a number of commercial partners. James felt sure that it would succeed.
Camilla left to go to the bathroom, at which point everyone started talking about her. In that respect, at least, it was just like the Red Lion.
‘Okay, everyone can stand down,’ said Erica. ‘We’ve got about ten minutes before I have to go and fish her out.’
‘I’d forgotten what a hysterical disaster that woman is,’ said Daniel. ‘My God, I wouldn’t want to be managing that one.’
‘Camilla is the client, the brand manager,’ explained Felix, ‘and Erica is the account director. A large part of her job is therefore to keep Camilla feeling happy and loved.’
‘Is that easy?’ asked James.
‘Christ, no – she’s a nightmare,’ said Erica. ‘A twenty-four-hour walking psycho-drama. But in my own way, I’ve become fond of her. That’s what happens. Now, what I really need is for one of you to give her an almighty fuck tonight. She hasn’t had sex for six months. It’s no wonder that the relaunch is going so badly.’
‘Well don’t look at me,’ said Daniel. ‘I’ve got my own brand to think about, remember.’
‘I don’t think the chemistry is there,’ said James, who hadn’t had sex for over a year, but didn’t think he was ready to start with Camilla.
‘Can’t you get one of your account managers to do it?’ said Felix. ‘What about that beautiful boy Martin? He’s got to be good for something.’