Meredith nodded and formed another rigid smile. “Six is perfect.”
Audra gripped her keys, a small asset of escape, and headed for the dining room to reach the kitchen. She was steps away from the formal table when Meredith spoke.
“I was afraid you were forgetting him.”
More than the words, it was the faltering tone that turned Audra around.
Moisture welled in Meredith’s eyes and her lips quivered. “I know how much you loved Devon. In my heart, I’ve always known it. And I understand you need to move on. I told myself this when you sold the house, and the furniture. But then you made it clear you wanted to be far away from anything to do with him—and us. And when you talked about the soldier you met, a new man in Jack’s life ...”
All at once, Audra saw Meredith’s efforts from an altered view. The stories in her lily garden, the visits to the cemetery, the pictures of Devon on shelves and tables, the resistance to Audra and Jack moving.
Both women had been treating the same wound with two vastly different remedies—neither of which had worked.
Meredith shook her head, her face growing mottled. “You have every right to do all of those things, and truly you should. I mean that. Devon was my son, but you’re my daughter, Audra, and I want you to be happy.”
Audra sucked in a breath. She never would have foreseen the effect of those words.
“I’m just so terrified he’ll be forgotten,” Meredith said hoarsely. “That little by little, Devon will fade from Jack’s life, and that one day Jack will have no idea what a special father he had—” The rest dropped off as she covered her face. She wept quietly into her palms, her shoulders shaking.
Audra couldn’t stop her own tears from rising. Right or wrong, her will to hold a grudge drifted away as if pulled by a current.
She moved closer to Meredith and laid a hand on her arm. In a whisper, a single word spilled out: “Mom . . .”
Though nothing followed, Meredith lowered her hands and reached out for an embrace. Audra accepted without pause, the connection so long overdue she could have cried for that alone.
“I could never forget him,” Audra said softly.
How pointless to have ever tried. After all, part of her would always love Devon, and she would forever see him in Jack.
Meredith nodded against Audra’s shoulder, as if she had heard her thoughts.
Once the moment had settled and they had both caught their breaths, a question nagged at Audra. She debated on discussing it another day, not wanting to reverse the progress they had made. Given their past, it could come off as a challenge. But now, more than ever, she needed to know.
“Could I ask you something?”
Meredith looked at her, a smile in her eyes. “Anything.”
“After everything you’ve been through, how do you still have faith? I mean, there are so many tragedies that are just so senseless.”
Meredith thought on this a moment. She sniffed and wiped the streaks from her face before answering. “I’ve had plenty of my own doubts,” she admitted. “I think that’s normal when it comes to believing in anything you can’t absolutely prove.” She sighed and shrugged lightly. “But one day I realized that faith is a choice. For me, it’s a hunch I feel in my heart. And once I understood that, the decision was easy.”
Audra took in the words, an idea to mull over, and nodded.
“Sorry to interrupt, ladies.” Robert looked tentative at first, then pleased at the scene.
“What is it, honey?” Meredith asked.
“Just wanted to see if there’s any objection to me whipping up some omelets. Jack said he’s getting a little hungry.”
Meredith regarded Audra. “Would that be all right?”
Memories of the omelets Devon used to cook, his favorite “breakfast-for-dinner” feature, made Audra smile. “Jack would love that,” she replied, and added, “It was his dad’s specialty.”
The corners of Meredith’s mouth rose and her eyes glinted.
“Audra, any chance you’d like to join us?” Robert asked.
Before Audra could respond, she remembered her awaiting meeting. “I’m afraid I can’t today.”
“Ah, well,” he said wistfully. “Another time, then.”
In lieu of an open-ended delay, she said, “How about next Saturday?”
60
With no plans for the remainder of the afternoon, Vivian ambled through the city. She had left her meeting at the park in what felt a lone procession of mourning. Not until her feet throbbed from the endless clacking of her shoes, however, did she realize which grief surprised her most. For it was Agent Gerard’s parting words that seized her still, the wish for her to be happy.