The Pieces We Keep(109)

“He trusted you,” she said.

Agent Gerard added nothing as Vivian backed away. It appeared that he, too, recognized the waste of any effort.





From Foley Square Vivian traveled the streets on an aimless path that dimmed and cooled around her. Hours floated by without meaning. Somewhere along the way, she recalled the inscription of Isaak’s necklace and recognized its lie. The risks she had taken were great, yet this was the ghastly reward.

Eventually she found herself standing at the Brooklyn Bridge. The water below looked strikingly like the Thames. It was at that moment, without a single tear spent, the sealed envelope in her hand, that she realized the error of her statement. What she truly meant was: He trusted me.





PART FOUR




So from our dreams my boy and I

Unwillingly awoke,

But neither of his precious dreams

Unto the other spoke.





Yet of the love we bore those dreams

Gave each his tender sign;

For there was triumph in his eyes–

And there were tears in mine!





–from “The Dreams”

by Eugene Field





51


Mid-June 2012

Portland, OR





“You can do this.”

Audra savored the encouragement from Tess, who sat behind the steering wheel of her parked minivan. In the distance, Mount Hood loomed like a caretaker of the grounds. RiverView Cemetery was set on the west bank of the Willamette River in Portland, known as a burial site of legends ranging from famed pitcher Carl Mays to the Wild West’s Virgil Earp.

But Audra had interest in only one person here and he wasn’t a national legend.

“For some stupid reason,” she said, gazing out the passenger window, “I actually thought that once I made it onto the property, the rest would be easier.”

“Sweetie, nothing about it is going to be easy. That’s why I came with you.”

A sprawling expanse of green grass and trees created a serene view that failed to grant serenity. For twenty-five minutes now, Audra had been unable to leave the car.

She turned to Tess. “This is silly, making you sit and wait. You should be at work.”

“No. I should be right where I am,” she said. “Besides, playing hooky meant I got to assign Crazy Cat Lady’s appointment to Cheyenne.” Any joke about the clinic’s new vet should have amused Audra, but not today.

After all, this wasn’t just any Tuesday morning in June. It was Devon’s birthday. Consumed by the roller coaster she had been riding for more than a month, she had barely noticed the coming date that normally approached like a countdown to the apocalypse.

Months ago, nothing on earth could have lured her here, but that was before the dilemma with Jack had come to a head. After Tess had coaxed him back to the apartment, Audra addressed him calmly. She apologized for overstepping—it seemed she was always doing that nowadays—and invited an open discussion that went nowhere. Although she’d since purchased him a new journal, which still remained on his desk encased in its plastic wrapping, she did rehang his poster and planes. This was more than a peace offering. With the help of rational thought, she had realized those objects weren’t the cause of his issues, just a means of expressing them.

Nonetheless, for the three days since, Jack had notably regressed. No smiles or laughter. Not a word beyond necessity. Except in his sleep, of course. Although his night terrors hadn’t worsened, they showed no signs of improvement.

One would think, with her renewed skepticism, she would be even less inclined to visit a cemetery, a place renowned for its ghostly connections. But she needed Devon’s advice. Lately the whisper of his guidance had faded to an all-time low. She didn’t expect his voice to come from anywhere but her own memories, obviously. She just hoped a site like this, where others claimed to have felt closer to him, might rejuvenate those memories and more.

“Thirty minutes,” Tess said suddenly. “Time’s up.” For a second Audra expected her to restart the engine. Instead, she opened her door and climbed out.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m walking you over there. Oddly enough, the grave markers don’t come to the car.”

It was one of Audra’s quips flung back at her—though typically used for much lighter topics. Tess’s support through patience and compassion had decidedly shifted direction.

“Let’s go, my dear.” Tess held up her keys. “Can’t lock the van with you in it.”

“Did I forget to mention I wasn’t necessarily looking for tough love?”

Tess winked at her and closed the driver-side door. Left with few choices, Audra pried herself from the car. As soon as her door clicked closed, Tess locked the van with two beeps, removing any opportunity to retreat.