I soar.
I dive.
And I crash into him as his climax overtakes both of us, his groan ripping through his throat as his body pumps heat and life into mine. I clench around him, draining him, our explosion like a mine underwater, where everything expands and then, just as suddenly, contracts.
All of our energy comes back to one singular point of focus: our lips.
His mouth on mine. His words, as he whispers love into my mouth over and over and over.
And I drink it in. Every last drop.
***
I trace my fingers through his chest hair, my ear cradled on his shoulder. I need answers, but I’m terrified that pushing for them will erase what progress we made.
“Spit it out, Grace.”
“What?”
“Whatever you were going to say. You take these little, short breaths like you’re just about to talk, and then you stop.” He squeezes me tighter to his side. “Say it.”
“There’s more to you and the Darrows.”
“Yes.” His tone is wary.
“So I want to know. I need to know. Because all this time she’s been manipulating me, driving a wedge between us, and I just … I feel fucking stupid.”
Jared rolls toward me and cups my chin in his hand. “Don’t. Because she manipulated me, too.”
My eyes widen with too many questions and I don’t know where to start, but Jared continues.
“I was working on the California attorney general’s campaign and Lauren was a TV reporter. Hot. Ambitious. She’d eat her own young if it meant getting ahead.” His chuckle is mirthless. “When we were … involved … I remember she said she’d rather die than have kids. And yet, when it was politically expedient for Aaron Darrow, she popped out three of them without blinking.”
I shiver. “You were involved?”
“Depends on how you define it. We were fucking, but at the time I was too stupid to realize she was also fucking with my head. I was so focused on getting my candidate through, and she was ruthless. We’d talk policy all night and she’d suggest the next moves against the competition.”
“She was useful to you.” I remember the echo of Lauren’s question: Do you control him, or does he control you?
“That’s the real head-fuck, Grace. I thought I was using her, getting my rocks off and a little strategy on the side. But she was using me. She convinced me to make strategic leaks that propelled her forward as a reporter far more than it benefitted my candidate.”
“Why does she hate you so much?”
“Because I’m not convenient anymore.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course not. She’s been married to Aaron for eight years.” Jared’s eyes tighten and my stomach rolls with a new realization. “It didn’t end there, did it?”
“No.” It’s a whisper laced with shame. “I became inconvenient when she tried to hire me for Darrow’s presidential bid and I stayed with Conover instead.”
“And all this time…?” I’m still catching up, shell-shocked from the depth of his admission.
Jared shakes his head. “Just … just sometimes. When she needed me, and when she could find a way to make me need her.” His tone conveys self-loathing and disgust.
“Does Aaron know?”
“Maybe. Maybe he has women, too, if Lauren lets him. Or maybe she lets him think he’s getting away with something.”
I’m silent, my stomach churning with disgust. The pieces are falling into place: Lauren’s reversal, from encouraging me to date to telling me I should dump Jared. Jared’s taut need for control, to be sure I wasn’t head-fucking him just as surely as Lauren did.
And Jared holding back the kiss, a piece of himself that was too raw, too real.
Another question hangs in the air.
“Jared? Why me?” It comes out like a squeak, but I have to know. Was he retaliating against Lauren by picking me up in that bar? Was he—or is he—truly through with her?
His throat rumbles, a deep, contented vibration that spreads warmth through me. “How long do you have, Grace? Because it will take years to tell you all the ‘whys.’”
I snuggle closer. “Why me, at the beginning?”
“YouTube,” he answers decisively. “I was doing some early vetting and saw you speaking. And I was … mesmerized. I had to see you at that bar, just to talk to you. I wanted to hear you laugh, or say something real, not a speech. Just a man and a woman, not a consultant and candidate.”
Jared rolls above me and captures my face between his hands, his body pressing me into the bed.
“And I passed that test?” I tilt up my lips and plant a tiny peck on his chin.