“It’s just that I’m not used to being complimented.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
“Really, I’m not.”
“Look, I’m holding back here. If I could, I’d shower you in compliments.”
Her heart accelerated like a trapped bird’s. “I thought we were just going to be friends.”
“We are. I never said I wouldn’t say what’s on my mind.” He took her hand, sending a shiver all the way up her arm. “You know how I feel.”
“I’m still surprised that you can talk so openly about your feelings. Men usually don’t. They’re usually muzzled.” She slipped her hand out of his grasp.
“Englishmen perhaps, not South Africans. But I’ve learned to say what’s on my mind because I might never get another chance.” He poured the last crumbs to the pavement, where a gaggle of fat pigeons waited eagerly to peck them up. “Let’s walk.”
They set off around the pond. The water shone like a gilded mirror as the sun rose higher in the sky, and Angelica felt the warmth on her face. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she said, reluctantly putting her hands in her pockets so that he couldn’t hold one, wishing that they were in some distant city so he could.
He took a deep breath. “Very beautiful.” They walked on in silence, taking in the glory of such a magnificent morning.
“I’m mad, you know,” she said after a while.
“I know. You’re married. I’m married. What we’re doing is crazy. But I can’t help myself. If I can’t be your lover, I’m content to be your friend.” He laughed and shook his head at his own dishonesty. “No, I’m not content to be your friend. I’m smitten with you, and all I can think about is making love to you. Don’t say I’m funny and brush me off with a laugh. I’m not at all funny. I’m a very sad man.”
“Jack . . . don’t . . .” She remembered his lover in Clapham. Perhaps Scarlet had got it wrong.
“Listen, I’m a terrible flirt. I’m the first to admit it. But this is beyond a flirt and a first for me, if you can believe that. I’m walking into unknown territory with a great big forbidden sign hanging across the pathway. But I know that if I don’t seize the moment, it might never present itself again. Life is short.
“You have a wife, Jack, and children. Let’s just be friends. Isn’t that what a really wise sage would advise?”
“If that’s all you’re prepared to give me, then I have no choice but to accept. I’d rather see you as friends than not at all.” He bent down and picked up a small stone, throwing it into the water so that it bounced three times before sinking. “It’s wrong of me to try to persuade you to give me anything more. I’m going back to South Africa on Friday. I wish you could come with me.”
“You know that’s impossible.”
“I’d say come out with Olivier and your children, but I don’t think I could stand to see you both together.”
“I’d never get away with coming out on my own.”
“So it’s walks around the Serpentine.” He looked away. “Why do I have to meet you at this time in my life?”
“If we had met fifteen years ago, we might not have liked each other.”
He looked back at her, his eyes dark and sad. “Oh, I’d always have liked you.”
They changed the subject and discussed the previous evening. Angelica made him laugh as she imitated her friends. He told her of the people he would introduce her to in South Africa—fun, bohemian people who didn’t talk about finance, but discussed books and films and art. “As ironic as it is, you’d get on very well with my wife.”
“I don’t think I’d want to meet her. Not now.”
“We haven’t done anything wrong except declare a mutual attraction.”
“That would be reason enough for Olivier to explode into a jealous rage!”
“Anna would shrug it off with a smile.”
“Broken on the wheel, I suppose.”
“Indulgent, actually.” She didn’t like the sound of Anna, or the look on his face when he spoke about her. “Take me out of the equation, and you two would find you had a lot in common.”
“I’ll never know,” she replied tightly.
He grinned as if he could see her jealousy as colors swirling around her head. “I’m flattered you mind.”
“I don’t mind, actually. You can tell me all about Anna if you wish.” Her voice sounded tense even to her.
“She’s not a beauty like you, but she’s beautiful on the inside. There are many different ways of loving, and I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t love her. I don’t know you well enough to love you, but I’m in love with you, and right now I think about you more than I think about anyone.”