The Perfect Game(51)

“And I know that some of you are real pissed off about what happened. Some of you are angry, hurt, embarrassed, shocked, and whatever other girly emotion your mommies tell you to get in touch with,” he mimicked with a slight snarl. “I want you to take those feelings and use them on the field. Put it all out there and then leave it there. Don’t take those emotions home with you at night where they can eat you up inside and rot your soul. This time we have together goes by in a blink of an eye. It’s a special thing. Don’t let anyone take it from you.”

Without another word, Coach turned around and walked out of the dugout and down the field toward the locker room entrance. The silence was deafening as no one moved a muscle or made a sound. I hated being mad at my teammates, but the events of that night twisted me up so fiercely inside, it was hard to ignore. Forgiving them for what happened to Kitten felt almost impossible, even though they asked for it on a daily basis. I didn’t know how to move past the anger. The truth was, I wasn’t sure how to forgive them.

“You heard the Coach. Work it out, gentlemen. Let’s finish off our season as not only teammates, but friends. Pitchers and catchers in the bullpen. Everyone else on the field.”

“Coach Smith?” I said loud enough that it stopped the rest of the team from leaving.

“What is it, Carter?”

“Can I have a minute with Brett, Cole, Matt, and Ryan?” I asked, meeting the gaze of each of them as I said their names.

“Five minutes, then get your asses on the field.” He turned. “Everyone else out. Now!” he shouted and the dugout cleared.

The guys sat there, unease written all across their faces. I could tell they weren’t sure what I was about to do or say. And I’ll admit I liked that they didn’t know what I was capable of. Matt had called me a loose cannon once before and I happily wore the nickname with honor, even though he insisted it wasn’t a compliment.

“Coach is right. We can’t end the season like this.” I shook my head. “I can’t leave here hating you guys. This anger I have, it eats me up inside,” I admitted. “I just need to know what happened.”

“I’m really sorry, Jack. Personally, I panicked,” Matt confessed, his eyebrows drawing together. “All I thought about was getting Jamie out of there. I didn’t even think about Cassie. I know it’s fucked up, but it’s the truth.”

I tried to fight the resentment that welled inside my gut. I clenched my fists before unclenching them. “I appreciate your honesty, Matt.” My teeth ground together as I forced my tone to stay even.

“I’m sorry too, man. He said he had a gun and I took off. All I could think about was how I couldn’t outrun a bullet. I left Cassie there and watched from a safe distance as she got the crap beat out of her,” Ryan said as he looked at the ground.

My heart raced with his words as heat began rising in my cheeks. Ryan noticed the anger spreading across my face and quickly continued. “But I’m the one who has to live with that, Jack. I have to live with the fact that when the shit hit the fan, I went running. I let a girl get beat up and I did nothing about it. You might know how it feels to be you, but you have no idea how it feels to be me right now. I let you down. I let Cassie down. I let myself down. And I think about it every single day.”

My breathing steadied as his words sank in. “I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing to say. Just know that I’m sorry,” Ryan added.

I nodded before looking at Cole and Brett. “When Dean fell, you should have seen it. He was just lying there on the ground and my gut instinct was to get him out of there. Cassie was still standing and I figured that one of the other guys would get her. But Dean wasn’t even moving.” Brett shuddered with the memory.

“Thank you for taking care of him. I appreciate it.” I half smiled at Brett. “Can I ask you guys a favor?” It wasn’t really a question and they all answered yes in unison.

“If you see the guy who did it, you call me immediately.”

“I’ve looked for him every day,” Cole admitted. “I drive around looking for him ’cause I saw his face. I’d recognize him for sure.”

“I’d really like to find him.” My eyes narrowed as I imagined beating this animal to a bloody pulp.

“Maybe we can go after practice? See what we can find?” Matt offered with a shrug.

“I’m in.” Brett raised his hand.

“Me too,” Ryan noted with a grin.

“Sounds good to me.” I was relieved at their willingness to help, and felt some of the anger trickle away.