Which brought me to now and standing in front of the mirror staring at the borrowed dress I wore wondering if it was good enough for Alex. I think in the long list of differences between Alex and Draven one thing always stood out the most and that was how unsure I now felt about myself. I knew Alex liked the finer things in life as blatantly did my ex but unlike Draven Alex seemed to find them far more important than they were ever meant to be. He cared about the designer names and the flashy cars, always explaining how much things cost. And yes, Draven had all of this but never once did he ever make it seem that important to him. It was always just stuff to him, stuff that could be replaced or even forgotten. Surely that’s how it should have been…right?
So that was why I now fidgeted in my high heels that pinched my little toes and rubbed the back of my heels to a point I knew I would need plasters at some point this evening. But yet here I was, wearing a dress that wasn’t mine just because it had an expensive label and shoes that were too tight because they were designer. And I was staring at a girl I didn’t know. So I guess the right question was… if Draven hadn’t cared what I wore back then, then why did I care about what Alex thought about what I was wearing now?
I didn’t have an answer.
“Wow, you look amazing, Kazzy!” Libby said pulling me from my depressing thoughts. I looked down at the clingy navy dress that was long sleeved and finished a few naughty inches above my knees. It was made with the most beautiful and intricate lace and had a simple satin ribbon around the waist like a thin belt. The underneath was lined in the same colour navy but had a sweetheart neckline so the lace showed my skin above my breasts and on my shoulders and arms. This meant I could just get away without wearing gloves and not worry about my scars showing due to the many flowers and swirls laced together.
“You don’t think it’s too much?” I asked playing with the loose curls that spilled over the up do Libby had helped me with earlier.
“What? No, of course not…and anyway, Alex did say he was taking you somewhere fancy, right?” I nodded not trusting my fragile state of mind right now from blurting out about how I had seen Draven. I knew at some point I wouldn’t be able to keep it from her but right now…well let’s just say ignorance was a blissful state I could only wish for but at least it was something I could give my sister. I knew she would be worried about me considering the Zombie Kaz she’d had to deal with last year.
God, but I wanted to cringe when thinking back to how I was when I got back from Italy. But if the past had taught me anything, then I knew I would only end up hurting the people who cared for me more by keeping them in the dark and not letting them in. Of course there was more I couldn’t say to Libs than what I could, but it hadn’t mattered. All that was important was at the very core of my problem and that was that Draven had lied and left me. Full stop. That was the root of my pain and in that she could help, not with words but with just being there. So I might have been a Zombie but this time I was a Zombie with a partner in crime…just not the flesh eating variety!
“I know you will be jet-setting off tomorrow but it’s still about time you had some fun and you look knock out in that dress!”
“Thank you for lending it to me.” At this she scoffed and said,
“Well I don’t think I will be wearing it for a while, not unless it looks good with baby puke and sticky hand prints.” I laughed at my sister’s no doubt correct assumption to what would happen. Even now she had a stain on her t-shirt that I couldn’t tell whether it was juice or drool.
“Well at least that’s one promise I can make when wearing it, unless Alex’s dinner habits have drastically changed…Eeew.” I added making her laugh with me.
“Kazzy, your date’s here!” We both heard Frank bellow from downstairs and I winced at the sound of his tone.
“Don’t mind him, he just liked Dom is all and you know how weird men can be with these types of things.” Libby said referring to the fact that Frank obviously didn’t like Alex. It wasn’t that he was openly rude or anything but he did always lay the whole big brother act on a little too thick whenever he stepped through the door. Also, for some reason he outright refused to call him my boyfriend, even though we had been dating a while now. However I just shrugged it all off like I usually did.
We both left what was now my new room, as I still couldn’t face the one I had before, what with all the painfully beautiful memories it still held. Downstairs I was met by one handsome Frenchman who was wearing a different suit to what he’d had on earlier. He gave me the once over and my heart almost stopped waiting for his reaction. It was only when I saw one side of his lip tilt up that I knew I had got it right.